100 Resolutions

Happy Twenty Ten. That is what we’re calling it, correct? Sweet, I love saving a syllable. Resolutions? Sure, I have a few things I need to accomplish this coming year to get my stupid life coach off my back. These to-dos are probably similar to your list, so let’s do them together!

• Get more aggressive with coworker hugging.
• Finish my online LASIK Surgery certification.
• File patent for indoor fireworks.
• Bring back “Gettin’ My Swerve On!” catchphrase.
• Find cure for werewolfism (so I can finally let Troy out of the shed).

That’s it, just put the milestones in my Basecamp. Reminders will be sent out to all involved. Should have them knocked out by next meeting.

Thanks for stopping by and reading (and listening) this past year. This silly site has been active for over ten years now. We’ve accomplished our only goal—outliving our competing sites Geocities, Flooz and FartHatz—so we’ll probably pack it in soon and sell the domain to that Russian human hair conglomerate that has been doggedly pursuing us over years. There’s only so many large sacks of rubles, fresh beets and knock-off designer jeans a guy can turn down. Please keep us bookmarked until then.

I leave you with one of the greatest bands of the 00s who penned one of the greatest songs about the hope and despair of a new year. It still gets me every time:

The Lawrence Arms – “One Resolutions”

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