Apes, Ducks and Chemistry Sets

Going Ape. I’m not the biggest fan of watching commercials on the computer, but if you’re smart enough to put an awesome gorilla in it and add that Phil Collins song from that movie about that thing, well mister adman, you got me.

Learning Cool Stuff I Can Use at Cocktail Parties. While stuffing my face with an insane amount of delicious Herr’s Thin Pretzels, I watched the debut of “Wired Science” last night, pretty darn entertaining. (It also made me want to rent Weird Science, great flick!) The show, brought to you by the high-gloss nerds at Wired magazine, had a nice balance of wry humor and low-key, Ira Glass-like reports on interesting tech topics. The bits on Cool Whip and chemistry sets of yore were very enlightening. Did you know chemistry sets with actual chemicals included are almost extinct? Sad. Kids can’t blow crap up like they used to. The show airs on PBS, so you feel doubly smart watching it.

Fowl Mood. I don’t eat or wear animals and I very rarely bother people with my dirty hippie beliefs, but since I have your attention, I’ll play the part of the annoying vegetarian for just a sec. Meaties (That’s what we call carnivores, “beefers” is another term of endearment, aren’t we so very clever?) have more than enough choices of dead animals to ingest, so giving up just one extremely cruel poultry dish shouldn’t be a problem, right? Wrong’o! While most chefs with even the slightest bit of conscience have stopped selling the clump of heart hardener known as foie gras, there are still some giant assheads who won’t give it up. Philly’s own Terry McNally, co-owner of London Grill in Fairmount, is leading the charge to keep the fatty foie alive.

I get it Terry, you don’t want to be pressured into doing what the man says, you’re a real rebel, a haughty gastronome of the highest regard! But is this really the fight you want to be known for? “I must be protect the ancient art of confining and torturing ducks so we can all serve their swollen livers to our even more swollen guests. Viva la France!” Terry, you just look like a pompous idiot combating a good cause for your own benefit. It’s news to no one that we treat 95% of the world’s animals like shit and raise them just to slaughter and gobble them up. Can’t you spare of few duckies? You must have some other over-priced, French-inspired bar food to serve? Please stop the nonsense. It won’t kill you and your guests’ arteries will thank you.