By SM Shrake on Nov 5, 2009 in Daily Distractions | Comments Off
I wake to a woman’s scream. I hear a muffled sizzling sound and smell rotting cucurbitus. “What is that?” I cry out through my jack-o’-lantern mouth hole. “Oh, that lady in the other room is getting a Pumpkin Peel. Did you want one of those, too? They’re more money, but they get your skin SO smooth it’s unbelievable.” “No, thank you.”
Continue »By SM Shrake on Oct 26, 2009 in Daily Distractions | 33 Comments
She carves out the “lid” with its pumpkin seeds dangling in their stringy orange viscous pumpkin matter. Holding the lid by its stem handle, she begins rubbing those pumpkin guts all over my face and neck with brisk circular motions, and I feel sleepy and contented.
Continue »By SM Shrake on Sep 18, 2009 in Lists | 8 Comments
“Twins Whose Weight Must Total 1,800 Pounds” Fat is definitely the new thin, but these look-alikes really push the envelope (full of cake into their mouths) as they see-saw back and forth but try to maintain an even 1,800 pounds between them. Who gets to gain the extra pounds this week, and who must lose that same amount? It’s double-trouble!
Continue »By SM Shrake on Sep 4, 2009 in Lists | 8 Comments
Headline writers addicted to plays-on-words, e.g., “Bonfire of the Profanities,” “Days of Swine Flu and Roses,” “Life Imitates Fart”—especially when there is no valid connection between the original thing being punned and the subject matter of the article.
Continue »By SM Shrake on Aug 7, 2009 in Lists | 30 Comments
Sometimes when a really old celebrity dies, people say, “I guess I didn’t realize [he/she] was still alive! Is that a mean thing to say?” Well, call me mean or not, here are some of those people. The ones sitting in God’s waiting room. (These are just the ones I find surprising, in descending order of surprisingness. I’d better hurry up and publish this list, it could become superannuated at any minute! God forbid.)
Continue »By SM Shrake on Jul 1, 2009 in Daily Distractions | 14 Comments
When all is said (and done, but mostly said): Isn’t it entirely possible, as a friend of mine wondered aloud the other day, that Michael Jackson died a virgin? That he never had any sexual contact with anyone?
Continue »By SM Shrake on May 16, 2009 in Feature | 19 Comments
What are the necessary aims of a good topical Facebook status update? It should entertain, delight, challenge, blow a mind or two. This is all about realizing and fully accepting that Facebook is a stage, and we’re all players.
Continue »By SM Shrake on Mar 22, 2009 in Feature | 14 Comments
As the Depression solidifies into Armageddon, we’re all going to have to get more comfortable with committing a lot more crime. The average Joe of the near future is going to make Mad Max look like Paul Lynde.
Continue »By SM Shrake on Dec 21, 2008 in Feature, Music, Unearthed Videos | 4 Comments
Play-by-play account of an odd Patti Smith appearance on the children’s show “Kids Are People Too’ from the 70s.
Continue »By SM Shrake on Dec 4, 2008 in Feature | 12 Comments
Oh-hey-look I’m writing about Facebook again. Instead of getting rich off a similar pyramid scheme, or “marketing myself” off-Facebook, where it count$, I’m sitting around in the dingy Facebook Fascination bathwater we all seem to be wrinkling up in. Neverandnonetheless, I started a group late last month on The ’Book (as I call it), called [...]
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