Do the judges fall all over themselves enuf about Hedley or Fartlin or whatevah the Bettie Page girl’s name is? Didn’t her dress last week take me all the way back to Kohl’s? Is recherché too kind a term for her and her (cough, barf) “aesthetic”?

As I gaze at my Facebook homepage/newsfeed, I get a sense of déjà vu about “status updates.” So many of them are… uncalled for. Trivial. A waste of everyone’s eye time.
What do they remind me of? Oh, I know! They remind me of the some of the “messages” I hear from the other Friends when [...]

First of all, hiiii! I always like to give a warm Southern welcome to my readers, y’all! As some of you who follow my exploits know, I’m working like a rented mule to become the Ultimate Washington Insider (UWI), which is not easy when you’re looking down the barrel of the big Five-O, do not [...]

There was a time when UsedWigs was young, before it went blog, that we didn’t have comments. If someone had something to say about something I wrote, they sent me an e-mail, and I ignored them. It was the opposite of a free-for-all.

I get it so often, and I got ‘nem ol’ Mitteilungszwang again Mama! Mitteilungszwang is German for “the need to tell something.” I seldom do anything about it. But tonight, white wine spritzer in hand, laundry in machine down in ‘nem basement, headphones on, a song is opening up a [...]

Things I keep meaning to start doing: 1) Referring to myself only in the third person; 2) Getting a gun; 3) Writing something good.
I keep — I mean, Shrake keeps — wanting to write something that will electrify you. He dreams of it. Maybe if he talks about his body it will electrify you. He’d [...]

Is it my imagination, or does Padma Lakshmi now pronounce her name all foreign-sounding all of a sudden?
Is (the exquisite) Spike Mendelsohn a Scorpio or what? What was with the awesome death gaze he gave the judges when he was in the loser column in the main challenge?

Am I allowed to [...]

In the third act of the classic motion picture drama “Mommie Dearest,” an aging Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) is shown at a meeting with the all-male board of directors of Pepsi-Cola, where her last husband had been president until his recent death. After expressing their condolences, the board tells Crawford she will have to repay [...]

[NOTE: This quessay is cross-posted on HuffingtonPost.com]
*Big ups to Crispin Glover, who really should’ve run for president this year, and who once wrote an “essay” called “What Is It?” composed only of questions, with a subtly discernible anti-Steven Spielberg thrust to it. Subtly discernible, the way the media’s anti-Hillary Clinton bias is subtle. I’m paying [...]