Last night I watched a sneaker documentary, knocked back a glass of chard, and played some Words with Friends with my mother-in-law all while mindlessly wading through the muck of 2,948 horribly-made, extremely-flammable Halloween costumes for sale on a very depressing Halloween costume site (there are many of these awful sites and they all have the same awful selection). These are the best and by “best” of course, I mean the worst.
New for 2016!
Like the real Ken Bone didn’t give me a big enough boner!
Did she walk straight out of the movie? Nailed it!
It’s Trevor, the super chill assault team member!
SPOT ON! You’ve been so p0wned, Trump!
“See”? No. “Kick”? Yes!
Good morning, Sammy Hagar!
Luke, I am your father… on a very strict budget.
“Hey everybody, Weird Dick and Krimpet Pussy are here!”
Your favorite Brooklyn craft cocktail bartender!
That Duck Dynasty guy!
Hardware Drill, Butt Blaster Flame Shooter, Fortune Cookie & Magic Lamp Costumes
When your DraftKings and FanDuel bros show up to your party.
Spider-Man or Captain America Shirt and Mask
When you want to go as your favorite superhero but dressed for a Casual Friday in the office.
Hulk Hogans Costumes
When you and your two Hulkamaniac buds all have different budgets for your costumes…
and your other buddy only has $16.99 to spend 🙁
“Dangerous Business” Costume
Good thing they offer this as a costume because it would be nearly impossible for any human to pull together these hard-to-obtain, extremely-rare clothing items.
Top Gun Bomber Jacket
This is a good deal because you can wear the $68.99 plastic bomber jacket all year long.
Teen Dream Pop Star Costume
Only $5.99 to look exactly like today’s hottest boy singer or Demetri Martin.
Legit Rapper Costume
Adult Party Animal Costume
You know there are roofies in those camo pockets.
Sesame Street Adult Bert & Ernie Skin Suit
The Muppets most likely to murder you in their murder basement and wear your skin as a suit.
70s Dude Disco Costume
This is probably the best costume to wear if you want to let people know you are a 1970s guy without having to keep explaining it.
Adult Toilet Costume
This could be the name for 95% of the costumes on this site.
Pregnant School Girl Costume
I hope the maker of this costume dies.
Adult Baby Pajamas Costume
When you just want to make everyone at the party physically ill and shun you.
Fab Four Costume
I love Oasis!
Be some weird-ass Chewbacca, I don’t give a shit.
Raggedy Andy Adult Costume
“Hello 911, I’d like to report an eventual crime…”
Workout Video Star Costume
I had no idea comedian Jeff Ross was a workout video star.
Deluxe Blue 60’s Swinger Costume
Yeah Baby! When you can’t decide between Austin Powers and one of the Hanson Brothers.
Hey white people, we got em all!
Anita Waxin Costume
“Aw hell yeah, another DraftKing showed up!”
Shark Attack Costume, Man in a Gorilla Cage Costume
I actually like these costumes.
Originally posted 10/12/15