Headlines ripped from the pages of our book Quality Workday Distractions, available now for gift giving! Remember, comedian Jim Gaffigan says, “UsedWigs.com is like the bacon of the internet. Mmm. UsedWigs.”

If you live in Philly then you know Ben Franklin invented everything — electricity, bifocals, stoves, the printing press, cars, space travel, donuts, skullets, pogo sticks, Epilady razors — I’m talking everything. Artist Scott C reminds us Ben was also a visionary who was quite handy with robotics. Details: archival giclee art print, printed on 100% acid free- cotton rag archival paper, hand signed edition of 50, dimensions: 11 inches x 14 inches (includes 3/4 inch border).

Remember the “Into The Wild” movie where that cute kid with great hair left civilization to be one with the land? Well, Dick Proenneke also did that but he knew how not to die. This guy rules in so many ways: Dick Proenneke retired at age 50 in 1967 and decided to build his own cabin on the shore of Twin Lakes. The first summer he scouted for the best cabin site, and cut and peeled the logs he would need for his cabin.

If anyone is looking to get me a gift this year, may I point you to the above piece of art. “The Jerk” is my all-time favorite comedy. For you younger kids out there, the guy in the middle is Steve Martin, he used to be hysterical. Then, tragically, he forgot how. I suppose he just lost his special purpose. This spectacular giclee print by Kirk Demarais entitled is “The Johnsons.”

“Putty isn’t just for kids anymore—amuse your inner child with this stretchable, shapeable, tearable, sculptable, bounceable, shattering glob of fun. Color changes as temperature changes!”

If you love the beach with no humans on it, you’ll probably dig some awe-inspiring photos of the shore sans people. This calendar is full of them, shot by photo ace Pat McCarthy. “Pat’s primary focus is capturing the beauty of the Jersey Shore from the Atlantic coast to the shores of the Delaware Bay.”

I’m pretty certain the Internet will blow up soon, and with that, millions upon million of nonsense-filled webpages and countless gigs of nut-punching videos will be lost forever. Sad, but it’s inevitable.
That’s why I gathered up some of my favorite musings from this website and put them in book form.

They shall be preserved for the future generation of belligerent, ferocious apes who will one day enslave all humans and rule the earth… and learn to read. In that exact order. So, that’s why this book is staring you in the face. It’s for the apes.

Tired of the ribbing you get when you use those fancy cake cutters when the guys are over for your poker nights? This manly dessert tool will wow the boys when you bust out your freshly-baked double chocolate layer cake. “Our Table Saw Cake Knife is the perfect accessory for your kitchen tool belt. It’s big and toothy so you can slice and dice your lettuce without discoloring it and show that cake that you really mean business! Aren’t you feeling handy already?”

It’s like sweet baby Santa decided to make and deliver a special gift just for me on his birthday. Milo is my all-time favorite frontman… ever… so this Throbblehead will be sitting on my desk in a couple weeks tasked with the special job of reminding me no matter how bad it gets, “I’m not a loser!”

Aggronautix says, “Milo, the charismatic frontman of The Descendents, is now available in Throbblehead form. This fella is limited to 1000 numbered units, stands at 7 inches tall, and is made of a lightweight polyresin.”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph and a couple cute animal friends make up this festive and modern depiction on the Nativity. Alessi Presepe Nativity Figurines are of made of hand-painted porcelain, limited edition. “The goal is to compare the intriguing world of porcelain figures, particularly the refined production tradition of European manufacturers from the 18th century onwards, with our methods and with contemporary designers.”