This little bit font cleverness made me chuckle. It’s a perfect gift for all your uppity design nerd friends who implore you to see “Helvetica” the film (decent fawn-fest, but not enough there to sustain an entire doc), and who pretend to get sick at the sight of Comic Sans. It’s also a lovely gift for your hot chick friends who enjoy people reading their chests.

Price: $16.99

Buy: www.bustedtees.com

• Official Tea Party merchandise now available! Children’s Tea Party Set. $17.76. Colors: white only.
• iPad “Car Steering Wheel Controller” app now $4.99.
• Amazon Deal of The Day! WikiLeaks Audio Box Set as read by Icky Woods.
• Open car doors at busy shopping centers offer great opportunities for serious savings.
• Avoid crowds by shopping in the discounted Halloween Decorations aisle only.
• Slightly injured “Spider-Man: The Musical” action figures 40% off at Rite-Aid.
• DO NOT make eye contact or acknowledge the senior greeters. They WILL follow you home.
• Play-Doh now comes in beige, berber and other rug-friendly colors.
• “Royal Wedding” MP3 by Billy Idol (sung to tune of “White Wedding”) now $1.99. Proceeds go to the Queen’s Dumb Hat fund.
• Try a cyber-gift! Retweeting a friend is now valued at $1,000 per tweet.
• Staging a one-person flash mob performance of “Cool Rider” in a crowded mall is a great shopping stress reliever.
• Banned in many book stores, “Bullying for Dummies” is still available at the FOX News online store.
• A $25 Starbucks gift card is the perfect way to say, “Have two coffees on me!”
• Facebook Press introduces first how- to book: “Hints, Tips and Advanced Trickery to Make Your Profile Photo Appear Sexy!”
• Giving “15% Off First Visit” coupons for psychotherapy to family members is always appreciated.
• Paula Deen’s Pork Fat Perfume available everywhere south of Delaware.
• Just like Oprah said, your friends could always use an extra book in their bathrooms.
• Don’t forget to tip your postmen, your trash collectors, your barbers, your stylists, your baby-sitters, your baristas, your pastors, your personal trainers, your doormen, your urologists, your meter maids, your auto mechanics, your state senators and your favorite astronauts.

More Holiday Cheer!

• Favorite Modern Holiday/Christmas Songs
• Holiday Shopping Tips 2009
• Holiday Shopping Tips 2008

Headlines ripped from the pages of our new book “Quality Workday Distractions!” Buy a copy (of 5!) and get more great news you can use! Comedian Jim Gaffigan says, “UsedWigs.com is like the bacon of the internet. Mmm. UsedWigs.”

• Inventor Kid Invents Useless Piece of Crap!

• 99% of Indians Polled Find Gay Cowboy Movie Very Realistic!
• Cancer Awareness Bracelets Found to Cause Cancer!
• Disturbing Hidden Camera Footage Reveals Local Health Club Still Playing Fabulous Thunderbirds Videos!
• ‘Real World’ Cast Member Dies During ‘Gauntlet’ Event, Doctor Determines Cause of Death to Be Old Age!
• Trader Joe’s Employee Goes from ‘Very Friendly’ to ‘Very Irritating’ in a Matter of Seconds!
• Rabid Sports Fan Hits Rock Bottom, Joins Fantasy Paintball League!
• Kevin Costner and a Really Bad Premise Team Up Once Again for New Movie!

More here: news, nonsense, pop culture lists, band names and more!

Price: $13.95

Buy Here: Amazon

You love post-apocalyptic dystopian tales of gritty humans battling armies of insidious baby-eating cyborgs, right? So does Philadelphia’s preeminent geek Eric Smith (geekadelphia.com), but in his debut novel he tackles something much more troubling and frightening: relationships and ruts.

If you follow Eric in the social media ether you’ll realize right away he is sincere, funny and very supportive of the Philadelphia tech community. He’s an all-around good guy well-versed in everything from academics to Atari. You’ll also notice he proudly wears his heart on his iron-clad exoskeleton’s arc reactor, so there is much vibranium to mine when it comes to the successes and failures of a romantic young lad.

“…and poor Andrew, his week has been a rough one. His former bestseller, Chasing Fireflies, is on clearance at Barnes & Noble for $1.37, his girlfriend left him for a corporate America action figure, and he’s been tricked into joining Textual Healing, a support group for writers who can’t seem to write anymore.”

Buy: $15.99

More: www.ericsmithrocks.com

Esteemed Philly design shop Heads of State have created a striking series of  Travel Posters. Each city is done justice with an authentic vintage feel and super clean iconic representation. “The City of Brotherly Love” is my favorite because there is no Rocky statue in it. Two choices:

Three color silkscreen measuring 14″ × 24″. Second edition.

Buy: $30.00

Oversized archival print. 24″×42″, printed on 100% cotton, 190GSM water color stock.

Buy: $70.00

A Book of Jean’s Own from Jean Teasdale on Vimeo.

Who is Jean Teasdale? Um, besides being the true voice of the heartland (real America), she is also one the greatest writers of our generation.

“Jean Teasdale has been The Onion’s resident humor and human-interest columnist since 1990. In addition to writing, Jean has held more than thirty-five part time jobs, and has been fired from more than thirty. She has been married to tire-technician Richard “Rick” Teasdale for nearly twenty years. Jean resides in the Midwest, where she pursues many varied interests, including collecting figurines, making ghosts out of of facial tissue, and testing out many “as seen on TV” products.”

Buy: $11.00

Follow: @jeanteasdale

Statler and Waldorf were one of my favorite TV gay puppet couples. From the Muppet Wiki (of course there is a Muppet wiki):

“Statler and Waldorf share the stage left balcony box in the Muppet Theater, and the two delight in heckling every aspect of The Muppet Show. Statler and Waldorf are especially unforgiving to Fozzie Bear. Statler and Waldorf first appeared as a pair in the 1975 pilot The Muppet Show: Sex and Violence.”

Buy: $16.99

I love reading about films that flop and lose a Bentley full of money and ruin an actor’s credibility forever. I’m a bastard that way, much like you. I also enjoy the musings of  A.V. Clubber Nathan Rabin (he’s not a bastard), so I am greatly looking forward to this book. Illustration by Danny Hellman, nice bonus.

My Year of Flops collects dozens of the best-loved entries from Rabin’s avclub.com column along with loads of bonus features. These include interviews with talent from the films chronicled, a new introduction and postscript, illustrations by Danny Hellman and fifteen new entries on everything from notorious flops like The Cable Guy and The Last Action Hero to bizarre obscurities like Gospel Road, Johnny Cash’s homemade tribute to Jesus.

Paperback, Released October 2010

Preorder Now: $12.60

More: www.avclub.com

Price: $14.95

Buy Here: shop.neatorama.com

Junk Mail: Just got Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk in the mail. Yup, had to order online, I was too ashamed to buy it in the bookstore during my weekly visit to pick up OK!, People and Asian Lady Holz. Since ripping open the package 2 hours ago, I’ve been hiding from my family, reading and enjoying the hell out of this very funny and highly uninformative sex manual. The book is jam-packed full of sexy, hairy nuggets of info and advice separated into short, easy-to-digest segments, perfect for the sporadic reader. It was researched and written by The Association For The Betterment of Sex aka Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, and Ted Travelstead (writers for esteemed shows and mags like Conan, Daily Show, The Onion, Esquire, Vanity Fair) with additional morsels provided by Andy Richter, Allison Silverman and Jon Wurster.

If you’re a fan of finely-tuned parody, stellar design and highly-detailed illustrations of mushroom-shaped penises, this book is a must. Sample:

…or the do’s and don’ts of fisting at high altitudes. Or whether it’s still considered safe to store your condoms in Barbicide. Sexual truth is never a constant—it varies from one mature, engorged partner to the next. It’s up to you to decide what turns you on and what gives you AIDS.  We’re here not to judge you but to guide you. To gently take your hand while you’re having sex and to sit on a bedside stool, patiently waiting for you to finish.

It’s the perfect coffee table book. If your coffee table is located in the seldom-used, third floor bathroom.

Buy: Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk

Promo: Video

Follow The Authors: @ourbodiesourj @toddlevin @trumpetcake @straintest @michaelbsacks @jasonsroeder

Parade of Frightening T-Shirts: Intrepid UsedWigs and Huff Post reporter SM Shrake went deep undercover to the Beck Rally and snapped some lovely photos! He also documented his day of hunting the big fat tee shirts. It’s a good read, and you might be surprised by his take on the participants.

Mr. Clapton, Me, too.

Ha Ha! Enjoy a great video of Scott Weiland and his dumb megaphone falling off the stage during a concert. Somehow, he was able to keep singing without missing a note… wait a minute… is that a backing track? Best fall since Frasier ate it. (via eachnotesecure)

Emmy Thought #1: I’d love to see Jim Belushi in this show… dressed as his dead brother and smashing Jimmy Fallon’s guitar.

Emmy Thought #2: Emily Deschanel is the sister that doesn’t sing, right? I thank her for that.

Emmy Thought #3: Fake confusion and fake anger for winning is always endearing. Nice job, Soprano mom.

Looking for a Social Media job? Need to prepare with some extremely unhelpful interview questions?

Great & Sad & Heartbreaking & Inspiring: Please, please please read this. If you’re a parent or a just human who enjoys incredibly well-written and emotional stories, this should move you: A Supposedly Fun Thing I Would Do Again in a Second. Thanks to @caissie

Free MP3! Versus is back and serves up two beauties (via Magnet). Download: “Gone to Earth” and “Invincible Hero”

Bad Ads: Give Golden Corral credit, they use people with real buffet aficionado bodies in their ads. So you know who you’re up against when vying for the ham.

Scary Good Art! Monster Friends Poster Series by Family Tree Design! The Sasquatch, The Kraken, a Yeti and this cute fella…

See all four!

Low Bridge: 13 Crashes in 13 Months “This is a compilation of the 13 crashes from April 2008 to May 2009 at the Gregson St RR trestle in Durham. The soundtrack is by Killer Filler.”