Category: News

NBC Releases New “Law & Order: Briscoe’s Best Crime Scene Quips” »

After viewing a grossly mangled dead body of a young woman who apparently fell from a balcony six stories above, Jerry Orbach’s beloved character Det. Lennie Briscoe quickly quipped, “Wonder if her friends knew she was dropping by?”
At another grisly crime scene, Det. Briscoe pulled open a body bag to see a decapitated body of [...]

Continue »

Broken Stop Sign No Match for 9-person Streets Department Work Crew »

Broken stop signs don’t just fix themselves. It takes a well-oiled machine firing on all cylinders to get the job done. You need the right tools, expert planning, unflagging dedication and in the city of Philadelphia, at least 8 members of their Public Works Streets Department crew.
With a solid six hours scheduled for the repair [...]

Continue »

Karate Helps Kids Focus… on Kicking Ass! »

Rye, NY - Sorry soccer! Kicking a leather ball is fun, but it’s just not challenging enough for the majority of today’s high-spirited suburban scamps.
Many well-to-do parents see karate, the ancient Asian practice of self-defense, as a great way for their kids to “focus their attention and boundless energy.”
“Our little Noah was quite a handful. [...]

Continue »

MIT Now Offers Poker Major »

“I was going to college just to get the hell out of my house so I could play online poker 18 hours a day,” said Mike Chung, a poker major who is simultaneously playing three hands of Texas Holdem on three different monitors in his MIT campus dorm room. “When I heard MIT offered poker [...]

Continue »

Boy Genius Finishes College at 10, Stuck in Crappy Job at 11 »

Mozart wrote his first concerto at age five. Tiger Woods learned to play golf at three. And now Madison, New Jersey’s own child prodigy Jason Park is stuck in a crappy job at age 11.
Under the home-school guidance of his mother, Park finished high school at the age of six. He then breezed through college [...]

Continue »

Sedentary Teens Flock to Eating Clubs & Competitions »

Due to student demand, Midvale High in Walling Township, NJ, and other schools across the nation have added Competitive Eating to their roster of school-sponsored clubs.
The goal of the new and extremely popular intramural “sport” is simple. The participant (eater) attempts to ingest as much food as possible within a certain [...]

Continue »

Blackwater Unit Joins Army Football Team »

West Point, N.Y. – In a move to shore up protection for the Black Knights ailing backfield, the coaching staff at the esteemed West Point Military Academy took a page from the presidents’ playbook and contracted Blackwater USA mercenaries to play offensive line.
“Our quarterbacks have been getting beaten up pretty bad lately and we were [...]

Continue »

Cameron Crowe Excited about New Soundtrack »

Nothing gives me more satisfaction than searching for and finding the perfect old classic rock song that says, ‘Hey world, look at how much more I know about obscure 70s and 80s music than you do.’”

Continue »

Smokers Stay Healthy in The Workplace »

King of Prussia, PA - According to the latest Occupational Safety & Health Administration (OSHA) report, people who smoke cigarettes are significantly less likely to fall victim to workplace injuries.
OSHA spokesperson Jerry Reinert explains, “Because your average smoker spends a third of his/her day outside of the office smoking cigarettes, they are at least 33% [...]

Continue »