UsedWigs » Twitter

UsedWigs Radio Podcast 91: Holiday Show with Molly Davis and Anna Goldfarb

Jeff — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 14:34:51 +0000

Topics: Holiday Fun, Worst Gifts Ever Given, Worst Gifts Ever Received, Dating Do’s and Don’ts, Gift Cards, Homemade Bikes, Fruit Presents, Hiding Twitter from Coworkers, People Being Horrible on Twitter, Men’s Fragrances, Tiny Husbands, Awkward Hugs, Best-Selling Christmas Music, Uncanny Valley, New Year’s Eve Hookups and The Kinks.

Guests: Anna Goldfarb and Molly Davis

Teaser: Yankee Candles, they say “I hate you!” and “She likes light!”

Playlist: “All I Want is Truth (For Christmas)” by The Mynabirds, “Winter Vacation” by The Subjects and “Only at Christmas Time” by Sufjan Stevens.

Play Now: http://www.usedwigs.com/pod/podcast91.mp3

iTunes: Download, Listen and Subscribe

Please Like Us: New Facebook Page

Related Links:

This Week in Tweets

Jeff — Wed, 01 Jun 2011 14:26:08 +0000

Many of our readers are old and afraid of Twitter so we post some of our tweets here, a less frightening place. If you’re not scared of the popular microblogging platform, you can follow us. It’s like our podcast but without all the stuttering, boner sound effects and outright lies.

Latest Tweets…

Cousin Oliver Twist #lessinterestingbooks
A Confederacy of Kirsten Dunstes‎ #lessinterestingbooks
A John Mayer for Owen Meany #lessinterestingbooks
Nicholas Nickelback #lessinterestingbooks
Just got my Borders Rewards email, it offers 30% off next purchase if you restructure their debt, 50% If you buy the company.
Spilled coffee all over myself this morning. Please try not to notice my replacement shirt is made from bathroom paper towels.
I’d love to be able to wear nice white shirts, but I put mustard on all my sandwiches.
For every guy wearing jeans at the beach, there is a guy wearing a Speedo playing touch football with Brett Favre. #TeleportationMishap
Dammit, a stray dog just stole my Segway.
When a person I enjoy following stops tweeting I think how exciting their life must have gotten… or how dead they might be.
I just enjoyed a 4 & 1/2 minute nap on the beach, it was glorious. I recommend it to all parents at least once a summer.
My favorite single word in comedy is when @jonwurster asks @scharpling “Why?” during a conversation. http://wfmu.org/playlists/BD
All the dump trucks w/ the useless tarps on the highway that spew tiny rocks that pelt your car, yeah, they’re owned by Safelite Auto Glass.
My dad died a while back, but his beloved “tool box” lives on. http://twitpic.com/53ctm8
If you ever come in contact with a 3-year-old, DO NOT touch it! Strong possibility it is filthy and/or covered in mucus.
Nice to see beach chairs are still reasonably priced. #mycouchcostless
Just watched 10 minutes of various morning shows. I now hate music, cooking, weather and smiles.
I LOVE fitness crazes, but like to take it slow. Anyone know where I can get some 12-ounce kettlebells?
A 4-month-old baby just smiled at me. I’m very impressed its Cool Guy Radar works at such a young age.
Totally guessing, but I imagine it’s extremely difficult to get along with someone who has hired a dog house architect.
Damn, no one showed up for my Chronic Halitosis Awareness Speed Dating Benefit.
A hard-fought, 5-minute negotiation with my youngest daughter to get a kiss good night ended with a “maybe tomorrow.” #makingprogess
Head Cold Steve Austin #SadWrestlers
Watching a new morning show where two coffee cups just stare at each other while Jennifer Aniston clips play in the background.
Lockerz is now the Marlboro Points of the internet, just a little less classy.
It’s fun to pretend you’re a horse & have your little daughter feed you carrots, but instead of carrots, have her use pretzels & Kit Kats.
Just took my daughter shopping. First, we went to the beer store & got beer. Then we went home. Okay, I just took my daughter beer shopping.
I wouldn’t mind a Seal Team Six visit to the ad agency that handles the McDonald’s account.
ABC cancels “Brothers & Sisters,” sells remaining Miserable Self-Involved White People scripts to NBC’s “Parenthood”
You could post a “Hey creeps, please visit me at home.” ad on Craigslist or just have a yard sale.
If IMDB gets hacked and only “Death Race” (2009) is permanently deleted, the authorities should pay Joan Allen a visit first.
Watching The Towering Inferno with Steve McQueen & Paul Newman. I believe the full title was The Towering Inferno of Handsomeness.

More:

This Week in Tweets

Jeff — Fri, 06 May 2011 11:29:44 +0000

Latest Tweets…

Navy Seal who shot Bin Laden says he’s “a bit nervous but also excited” to appear on next season’s Dancing with The Stars. #USA
“Oh shit, I really didn’t need that.” – every Groupon user, at least once a week.
Wow, the Navy Seals were very thorough! They resigned all 6 of Osama’s Words with Friends games before leaving. #obl
“Guys, the country is in a good mood. Not good, what can we do?” “Puppy hepatitis outbreak in Peru?” “Lead with it!!!” – NPR news meeting
The least intriguing story lead-in ever: “Reaction from athletes continues to pour in to the death of Osama Bin Laden.” #USAToday
Hey patriotic bumper sticker manufacturers, c’mon, it’s been two days! My patriotic feelings aren’t gonna express themselves.
Not everyone in the White House enjoyed the live viewing of the Bin Laden raid: http://bit.ly/kPqxrm
My Andy Richter Photoshop (“Lunchtime”) made the @TeamCoco Favorites! http://bit.ly/jHfsBq Here’s another: http://twitpic.com/4tvz6m
Night Time Snack Tip: if you don’t have pita bread or tortilla chips to go with your hummus, eat an entire one-pound bag of M&Ms.
Yard work question: what belt sander setting do I use to get this tree sap off my hands? Also, the sander is stuck to my hands.
I believe The End of Days started the second the first man put a giant diamond stud earring in each ear.
How come none of my Facebook friends thank me anymore for all the virtual beers I keep sending them?
I can turn off any radio station playing a cover of “Hallelujah” faster than you can.
Hoping Kate doesn’t have that awkward moment of running into another bride in the bathroom at the reception hall. #royalwedding
#RoyalWedding Fact: Prince William used up all his vacation days, his last 3 personal days & 2 sick days (shhh!) for his honeymoon.
What time is the Quidditch match during this #RoyalWedding tomorrow?
Feeling bad about your body? Go sit next to a judge at barbecue competition. You’re now sexy!!!
Guys, the Prince William wedding uniform knock-offs are now available. Got mine, now I’m gonna go colonize some stuff.
Congrats, you were 100% right. My Mixed Martial Arts Bookstore was a horrendous idea. Hope you’re happy. #chapter11 #tapout
Dammit to hell, I think my radio is broken. Anyone know how you stop The Decemberists from playing?
That show w/ the loud fat guy eating fat-guy food made by fat cooks for fat people is on tonight… & tomorrow… & well, every night.
Some day the woman in those Progressive ads will be seated next to the Dell Dude at a Ramada signing stuff for $5. I take comfort in this.
More bad news for Paul Reiser, his role in the upcoming “My Two Granddads” will be recast. Greg Evigan hinting The Bear is interested.
PIZZA FRIDAY! Let’s “Eat Pizza Like Nobody’s Watching, Love It Like You’ve Never Been Fed it Before… Live Like you Own a Pizza Parlor!”
In honor of Earth Day I WILL NOT use my diesel-powered comb.
Besides “Shut up! I hate you when you talk about your stupid dreams!” what’s a good way to tell people you don’t enjoy hearing about them?
Apple stopped tracking my iPhone today. They got all the data they needed from my favorite bathroom stall and my couch. #shutin
Idea: Bring back Battle of The Network Stars… but Bravo and E! reality stars only, fight to death, winners also get killed.

More:

Keep in Touch:

This Week in Tweets

Jeff — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 01:35:33 +0000

We are busy gearing up for our new live podcast (big announcement on Friday!). Until then, stay in touch with us via TWITTER. You can follow us here. It’s like the podcast without all the stuttering, bickering and outright lies.

Latest Tweets:

Much like the Moon Landing, I believe the Knot’s Landing was also a hoax. #WhyHaventWeGoneBack?#VanArk
A Facebook friend “checked in” at a supermarket. 8 people liked it. It’s this kind of dynamic social interactivity that keeps me going back.
“Give us any genre and any time period and we’ll show you BARE FEMALE BREASTS! That’s our guarantee.” – HBO
When is the feud between My Morning Jacket and enjoyable music going to end?
I hate when Phillies fans get down on a player for a bad year! Lenny Dykstra has been & will always be my Retirement Fund Financial Manager!
I just recreated that scene from “Network” in response to “Unexpected item in bagging area.”
I worry Brian Baker doesn’t get the respect he deserves. Minor Threat, The Meatmen, Government Issue, Dag Nasty, Bad Religion. #notbad
Plan on picking up “Joe Buck Live: Season One” DVD tomorrow. #VideoStoreDay
Some things you say at home work well in the office, when leaving a meeting try, “Daddy’s going to the bathroom, no screaming or fighting.”
Guys, when faced with a tough task, persevere, give it your all, fight to the end & you’ll be victorious! #finishedallmyraviolis
Don’t you hate that “unwanted” feeling like you just know your dance crew wants to kick you out… and replace you with a chair?
Guys, my all-in-one Ellpitical-Pilates-Spinning machine has been recalled. DO NOT use or go near. It’s become sentient. #fitness #fatalities
Just saw my doppelganger! Damn, was hoping he’d be better looking.
Wedding photographer’s tuxedo celebrates 30th birthday!
Awww…. how cute! Look, the motorcycle has little training wheels!! http://bit.ly/i5tLo5 #vroomvroom
My “star high school jock who lives an amazing life while the nerd he teased slums at local bar w/ dead end job” script has zero takers.
Adding “on ruining everything” to the following headline would make it better: “Kanye and Bono are working together.”
Kobe, buy the ref a grapefruit-sized diamond ring and win another championship and all is forgiven. You know the drill.
Eating lunch with a fork in each hand. Clever & efficient or just plain gluttonous? We’ll let those in this new client meeting decide!
Excited! I got new boxer shorts & I recycled my old pairs! Also, I now have plaid pillowcases available on my Etsy store.
This just in from Dishwalla, Final Tally: 4,347 blue cars.
I am enjoying the golden age of having no Wayne Brady on my TV.

More:

Keep in Touch:

Your 2011 SXSW Tweets

Jeff — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 16:56:11 +0000

We know you’ll be very busy at SXSW so we’ve supplied you with all the tweets you’ll need beforehand so you can let everyone know what you’re up to (and who you are trying to cozy up to) easily. Just copy, paste and tweet. Oh, and don’t you dare forget the hashtag.

I can haz The 2011 Chevy Doritos Vagisil #SXSW Road Trip Challenge Live Stream Videochat.
This burritos are epic! #sxsw
Damn, I cannot believe this show is sold out too! I thought this badge would get me in anywhere! #sxsw
Totally agree, HTML5 will cure cancer by 2012. #HTML5 #SXSWi #SXSWiHTML5
The Freecreditscore.com Band singer is being very difficult during soundcheck. He’s not happy w/ lighting for duet w/Dave Grohl.
Awesome, #SXSW #Comedy Showcase just set record for most Charlie Sheen jokes delivered in an hour.
Cool! I just chatted with an influencer! #SXSWi #influenced
Sorry I missed the 8:00am 50-K #SXSW #Fitness Bike Ride again, late night!! Tomorrow, most def!
Guyz, hotel overbooked, anyone have any room for me?? #SXSW
Holy Shit! Harry Knowles just broke the same toilet at Emo’s that Kevin Smith broke last year! #SXSW
I heard the Michael Ironside Deficiency and Death from a Shove just got signed by ANTI… or maybe it was Merge? #SXSW #Music
Getting ready for my talk about sustainable design substance experience usability design. Wish me luck. #SXSWi
I just met that comedian who does that podcast, he seemed pretty miserable. #SXSW #Comedy
poopin #swsw
There ain’t no party like a 2011 Monster Energy Drink/TechCrunch/TUAW/Reader Tweet-Up #SXSW Party!
So good to see Prince William and Kate at The #Oprah #SXSW OWN TV Bash. They seemed so relaxed!
Just watched another really depressing documentary. LOVED IT! #SXSW #Film
There’s absolutely NO FOOD left at the NBC Biggest Loser #SXSW Meet-Up event, just sayin
It’s so true, you really have to own your site content! Great panel! #SXSWi
First AT&T, now Stupid Fucking Verizon dropping my fucking call again! #SXSW #iPhone
Eww… Rachael Ray has barbecue sauce on her face again… #sxsw #feedback
I KNEW IT! Kim Kardashian is Gwynnie’s surprise guest at The Glee Music Guest Star #SXSW Gleevent.
Halp! Whats the bllest way too get pukes off an iPad!? #sWsx*xXxzzz

Twitter: It’s Good for Laughs and Breaking Celebrity Death News

Jeff — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 15:28:51 +0000

“Uh, excuse me…did someone here order the time of their life?!” – @trumpetcake

I know a lot of you still don’t use Twitter because you think it’s a colossal waste of time teeming with nothing but “I’m so busy! LOL!” and “I’m still so busy! LOLZ!” updates. Very true. But if you’re into wasting time and enjoy a tee-hee or two, you might want to give Twitter a look see. You don’t need to tweet (congrats on the self-restraint), you can just have the window open while you’re attacking that spreadsheet and glance over every now and then to ingest a delicious amuse-bouche of entertainment.

If you choose who to follow wisely, you can keep your Twitter feed a mundane-free zone. Stay away from celebrities (unless they’re insane), athletes, social media guys and the “gurus” in your field, most are pedantic bores who define the popular hash tag #humblebrag.

I stick with comedy writers, music geeks and funny friends. Sample: @jonwurster, @elibraden, @trumpetcake, @NikkiGlaser, @toddbarry, @meganamram, @MorganCline, @apocalypsehow, @toddmarrone, @wadetoblack, @comedyminusone, @maggieserota, @girlwithatail, @turbograndma, @goose, @meechone, @TheBiggIdea, @anthonydevito to name a few. #FF the crap out of them! Here’s a streaming lists of tweets from some of the humorous people we follow on Twitter: Quality Tweets of The Day!

You can also follow us. We’re good for about 5-10 tweets a day of varying quality. Feel free to boo us (unfollow) or shower us with praise (retweet). Here’s a sampling of the sweet and salty nuggets we’re providing on Twitter:

Still no replacement microwave in our office. How long do I need to sit on this bag of mashed potatoes before it’s done?
Just started using Apple’s video FaceTime, neat! Lighting in this bathroom stall is not good though, sorry Aunt Ethel!
I miss the days when people drove faster (and safer) not slower (and textier).
It’s a fact, men pee in the shower sometimes. I just wish the guys at the gym wouldn’t get so upset about it.
I found 20 bucks in some jeans this morning. Pickpocketing on the train is easier than I thought.
If I was transported to the Little House on The Prairie, I’d be dead in 2 hours. Wagon crash, churning accident, TB, boredom, take your pick.
Excited for the post-game episode of Glee. They’re doing all Black Eyed Peas songs… and Slash plays the new kid.
I’m very disappointed with my hand, it keeps shoving French Toast Sticks in my face. Not happy with my mouth either.
My 6-year-old’s birthday party was a success but the tattoo artist was a waste of $. None of the kids were cool enough to get one.
I define “classy” as not having beach towels mixed in with your bath towels.
Sometimes I get sad thinking Billy Crystal still has some baseball stories from his youth he hadn’t shared with us.
Jason Statham currently reading a script about a transgendered quadriplegic who teaches art.. KIDDING! It’s a about a hit man.
We don’t have a fireplace so I go snuggle up in front of the one at Panera. Tho I must remember to keep my bathrobe closed.

More: Keep Twitter Funny: Follow Dave Hill, Todd Barry and Jon Wurster

Keep in Touch:

Follow UsedWigs on Twitter

Jeff — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 15:02:44 +0000

Follow @usedwigs on Twitter and you’ll get all this unfiltered wisdom and so much less:

I dream that someday my children or my children’s children will be able to paste unformatted text with just one click.
If I had my druthers, I’d have a really stupid word.
Hoping all Foursquare Mayors will be defeated…not in the election, just in general.
Did I buy the base model Thomas’ English Muffins? These are in no way fork-split. Halloween mornings are now ruined forever.
On all those cake shows, I always root for the cake to fall when they move it.
When Mad Men makes you think ad agency people are cool, remember the douches who put that Train song in all the commercials.
Gerbils and hamster as so pissed! http://usat.ly/9Du4Bd
If Urban Outfitters sold fake beards, I wouldn’t need to go anywhere else for my Halloween shopping needs.
If I had a therapist, my first question: “Why did seeing a guy w/ a ‘I’d Rather Be Playing My Banjo’ t-shirt enrage me so much?”
Hank Williams Jr. & Faith Hill to perform a football love song duet on new CMT show “America’s Next Shitty Football Song”
Ordered an appetizer tonight called “Dynabites”. Limited my spot-on Jimmy JJ Walker impression to 6 times.
Gentlemen, are we still placing our coats over puddles for ladies crossing streets? Because a truck just ran over my last one.
The fat-voiced pro gamblers hawking tips on sports radio have overtaken pro poker players as the creepiest creeps in creeptown.
I heard 3 Tom Petty songs on 3 different Philly radio stations in an half hour this a.m. How do I file a complaint w/ the FCC?
Waiting for my mechanic to call is the opposite of waiting for Christmas.
Wishing that Progressive spokeswoman all the post commercial success enjoyed by the Dell Dude.
Breaking News: Rescue shaft complete, first agent send down to sign book & movie deal with trapped Chilean miners.

Keep in Touch:

Quality Tweets of The Day!

Jeff — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 10:16:00 +0000

Social Media Job Interview Questions

Jeff — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 19:02:53 +0000

“What do you see yourself Tweeting five years from now?”

“How quickly can you Retweet a @mashable tweet?”

“Please use harness in a sentence about social media. Great, now pretend I’m a client and use it five different times in one short conversation.”

“What is your stance on tagging friends who look drunk in photos?”

“If I give you a cat, a piano and our product. Tell me what kind of video you’d create and how you’d make it go viral.”

“What is your experience with posting brand-promoting comments on popular blogs using 250 different aliases?“

“Would you describe your Social Media Persona as a People Persona?”

“Gowalla, Foursquare or Facebook Places? In your opinion, what’s the best application to let our followers know exactly when we are picking up our dry cleaning?”

“What are you currently the mayor of? Where do you see yourself being mayor of this time next year?”

“Do you have a background in glocal crowdsourcing for brand building using targeted channels?”

“About how long would it take you to update a 250-slide social media PowerPoint presentation on a daily basis with images of the latest memes and buzz words?”

“There’s talk of this word ‘plan’ regarding social media. Not familiar. What have you heard?”

“Would you be comfortable starting with the title ‘Social Media Rock Star’ and if all goes well in the first year, promoted to ‘Social Media Hollywood Triple Threat’?”

Distractions: Gizmodo Apology, Bike-Powered Camper, Illustrated Law & Order, More Scary Robots, Fancy Toilets and William Sh*tner Show

Jeff — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 01:02:06 +0000

Camper Von Bikethoven! Give it three weeks until you see a some dumb hipster trying to pull this off. Enjoy some more camper bike photos and paintings, then build your own why don’t cha. via @iamjolly

Speaking of… It’s pretty easy to tell the difference between those who bike to work for health reasons and those who do it for DUI reasons.

Ooopsie! Looks like Gizmodo’s Jason Chen made fun of a “Lazy Segway Mom” three years ago and just found out the woman was not actually lazy. She was in fact a “15-year cancer survivor who lost her left leg to the illness” and was just “helping take care of her grandniece.” Good lord I am not making fun of stupid-looking anonymous people ever again. Read the Giant Asshole’s (his words, not mine) apology here.

Julie Roberts’ Giant Mouthful of Teeth Are Back on The Big Screen: I bet you’d attract a larger audience if you added just one word to the end of the her latest horror movie title “Eat Pray Love”… that word being “Die”.

Don’t Forget: Blake Schwarzenbach’s new band — forgetters — has posted some new song clips. Go have a listen. EP Drops Sept. 21.

Congrats Phoenix! Best of luck rising from the ashes of your predatory student loans.

Awesome, Indeed! “Artists illustrate “Law & Order” plot synopses. Awesome.” via @timcarvell via @strangerslog

I Doot! The guests at The Clinton wedding got to pee pee and poo poo in style: $15,000 porta-potties.

We Love Sports! Dammit! My beach cruiser got a flat! There goes the .5 mile Bike stage of the Petite Triathlon. Hope the Boogie Board stage goes smoother.

Sit On It, Rudd! “Dinner for Schmucks? More like the Happy Days episode “Fonzie vs. The She Devils”.” Tweet by @RobPRocks

You Should Follow: Please check out Todd Barry‘s replies to the inane and semi-literate tweets of a very popular bad rapper:

Don’t worry. Pottery Barn is pretty good about refunds. RT @kanyewest Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on

We could never hang. I love taxes. RT @kanyewest: I love everybody… only thing I don’t like is taxes.. me and taxes gone fight

True, but I’m still opening that typewriter repair shop. RT @kanyewest most businesses don’t make it out of their first year

Bad Idea #2354: Wishing the “Sh*t My Dad Says” show all the excitement, success and ratings that “Quarterlife” enjoyed. Fire your agent William Sh*tner.

Gear Head’s Up: Laurent Nivalle Photography: Le Mans Classic 2010 via Grain Edit

More Motorized Mayhem: This sweet ride was built in the 30s.

NO MORE ROBOTS! For The love of god, Japan, stop making things that will one day enslave us all.

Help Me: What’s the word for that “ashamed & miserable yet cocky & defiant” look always given by all the smokers outside my building?

Keeping Score at Facebook: Help our favorite disc jockey, WPRB’s Jon Solomon, get to 300 Facebook Friends before his bitter rival at Trash Flow Radio. The loser must dance atop a Q102 billboard on the PA turnpike for 24-straight hours (I think). For the love of god, follow now!

Oodles of Noodles: Watching a show about Okie Noodling. Interesting to learn about these terrifying creatures… and how they catch fish.

Quality Tweets of The Week Winners: View Tweets @Randazzoj @morgan_murphy @dubouchet @joshcomers and @toddmarrone.

Hollywood Baby News: Diablo Cody, the woman who made everyone officially tired of snark, just birthed a baby. She can’t decided between the names “Just Sayin’” or “Whatevs”

Breaking Breakfast News: Haven’t switched over to iced coffee, but wow, this iced omelet is very refreshing.

Pennsylvania Travel Tips: Heading to Dutch Wonderland with the family next month. It’s Dutch, so prostitutes and pot are totally cool, right?

Just Did Some Math… turns out the only people who enjoy Drag Queen entertainment MORE than me is every person on the planet.