Chelsea, Bring Me the Axe!
By SM Shrake on Mar 7, 2008 in SM Shrake | View Comments
In the third act of the classic motion picture drama “Mommie Dearest,” an aging Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) is shown at a meeting with the all-male board of directors of Pepsi-Cola, where her last husband had been president until his recent death. After expressing their condolences, the board tells Crawford she will have to repay the debt her husband incurred borrowing against his salary to rehab their 5th Ave. apartment, and they imply that once that is done, she will no longer be associated with Pepsi. Here is the dialogue* that follows:
CRAWFORD: You think you’re very clever, don’t you, trying to sweep the poor little widow under the carpet? Well, think again. I’m on the board of directors of this lousy company.
MALE BOARD MEMBER: We assumed that you would no longer want to be on the board.
CRAWFORD: Al and I helped build Pepsi to what it is today. I intend to stay with it.
MALE BOARD MEMBER: We appreciate your devotion and contribution, Miss Crawford. But we have retired you from the board of directors.
CRAWFORD: You drove Al to his grave, and now you’re trying to stab me in the back? Forget it! I fought worse monsters than you in Hollywood for years. I can win the hard way!
MALE BOARD MEMBER: (Nervously) We don’t want any hard feelings.
CRAWFORD: You don’t know what hard feelings are until I come out publicly against your product. You’ll see how much you sell.
MALE BOARD MEMBER: It’s hardly necessary to make threats you surely don’t mean.
CRAWFORD: (Ferociously) Don’t f*ck with me, fellas! This ain’t my first time at the rodeo. You forget the press I delivered to Pepsi was my power. I can use it any way I want. It’s a sword, cuts both ways.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXZ4Kd-faoM[/youtube]
MALE BOARD MEMBER: (After a big sigh) The board has failed to realize the extent of your interest in the company. We... misjudged. (With forced smile) We shall be pleased to have you stay on.
CRAWFORD: Thank you, gentlemen. Now, let’s get to work.
*Writing credits (alphabetical): Christina Crawford (book); Robert Getchell, Tracy Hotchner, Frank Perry, Frank Yablans.
Now I know some people don't like strong women. But I for one was ON JOAN'S SIDE throughout the movie. I remember during the Lewinsky scandal, one of Hillary's friends was asked on "60 Minutes" what she thought was going on in the White House between Bill and Hillary. After they pestered her enough, she finally said, in exasperation, "What do you want me to say? Is she capable of throwing a lamp? YEAH, she is, okay?" Let's rewrite this "Mommie Dearest" scene for Hillary:
Monday, March 3, 2008
CLINTON: You think you’re very clever, don’t you, trying to sweep the poor little woman candidate under the carpet? Well, think again. I’m still running for president of this lousy country.
THE MEDIA: We assumed that you would no longer want to run against such a formidable opponent as Senator Obama.
CLINTON: Bill and I helped build the Democratic Party to what it is today. I intend to lead it.
THE MEDIA: We appreciate your devotion and contribution, Mrs. Clinton. But we have decided Mr. Obama is going to be the next president.
CLINTON: You drove Bill to quadruple bypass surgery, and now you’re trying to stab me in the back? Forget it! I fought worse monsters than you in Washington for years. I can win the hard way!
THE MEDIA: (Nervously) We don’t want any hard feelings.
CLINTON: You don’t know what hard feelings are until I come out publicly about the real reason behind your pro-Obama bias. I’ll tell the whole country how you guys in the “left-wing media” are really part of the vast right-wing conspiracy, and that’s why you want Obama as the nominee: so he can lose to the Republicans.
THE MEDIA: It’s hardly necessary to make threats you surely don’t mean.
CLINTON: (Ferociously) Don’t f*ck with me, fellas! This ain’t my first time at the rodeo. You forget that the scandalous stories I gave you all through the ’90s was my power. I can use it any way I want. It’s a sword, cuts both ways. Bill and I don’t have to provide you ANY fodder if I move back into the White House in ’09 despite your efforts. I’ll give you a very boring presidency, and that’s a promise.
THE MEDIA: (After a big sigh) The media have failed to realize the extent of your interest in the presidency. We... misjudged. (With forced smiles) We shall be pleased to have you stay on in the campaign.
CLINTON: Thank you, gentlemen. Now, let’s get to work. I’ll see you in Ohio.
"BITCH" IS THE NEW BLACK! GO, HILLARY! You're bigger than him, you're stronger than him, and you "WILL ALWAYS BEAT HIM"!
