Was I a Child Political Cartoonist?

NOTE: All of America knows I’ve lately been digging through my “archives” — all the drawings, report cards, journals, photos and other ephemera that my lovely mom saved for me, neatly organized by year. I am on a journey of self-discovery, but also I want to “use” the stuff somehow: It’s not doing me any good sitting in a box, is it? I expected to be a lot more ashamed of what I found in these boxes…

I’ve long had a personal beef to pick with the conventions of political cartoonistry. In a word, I think they’re stupid.

As it is in the homes of some mentally challenged people, in political cartoons everything is labeled, in big letters. That’s so you dummies can’t be confused about what is what, you know? It’s like the cartoonists’ illustration skills don’t take them all the way, they’re not good enough, so they have to slap big, obvious explanations all over everything.

And always in the most contrived, derivative forms: Some badly drawn fat guy is wearing a big sash that reads “THE GOVERNMENT” in block letters. Animals and other things all wear name tags (pigs/vultures/vampires are always wearing “IRS” sashes).

Turgid metaphors clunk around the frame with idiot-proof placards spelling out what they’re supposed to be, like the “UNITED STATES” ship in this old WWII cartoon, a primo example of what I’m talking about:

But what do you expect from the kissin’ cousin of other stupid, mega-literal, idiot-approved cartoons such as Marmaduke, The Lockhorns, Cathy, and Family Circle? It’s a congenitally insipid genre. It’s just ghastly and mind-deadening, calling up a cringe-inducing earlier era when people were … simpler. Like WTF is this? I hate to single this guy out, I’m sure he’s a very nice guy, but come on:

Which brings me to my own efforts when I was 8 years old. You tell me which one makes its point more smartly and elegantly. The two examples above, or this:

Read more SM SHRAKE at You Wanna Know What? and The Shrake-tionary.

TAGS: Cathy • Family Circle • Marmaduke • Political Cartoons • Thanksgiving • The Lockhorns