Halloween Costume Dos and Don’ts

Don’t You Dare:

Juno - You think it will be so cute to go as the hoodie-wearing, quip-spewing pregnant teen and her dorky boyfriend in the calculated dorky retro gym outfit, right? So does every other couple on the planet. Avoid the urge.

Sarah Palin - Sarah the Hunter, Sarah the Pageant Contestant, Sarah the Porn Star, all lame… very, very lame. You’ll be swimming in a sea of Palins. Uck.

“Mad Men” character - “Yeah, look at me! I’m smoking… my hair is slicked back… my sweater’s tight… my lips are really red… and I really do work in advertising…” Ugh.  Soap opera + advertising people = insufferable.

Iron Man - Unless you’re under the age of 12 or can actually build a costume that can fly and blow shit up, don’t do it. Very hard to pee, also.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck - This is for your own safety. Someone might punch you… a few times.

The Joker - Inevitably, some joker (literally) will be dressed as the Batman nemesis carrying around some pills… too sad… too soon.

Travis Barker on Fire - Not sure how you’d even pull that off, so don’t. Fake paper flames are so weak.

Joe The Plumb… - Please don’t. He’s already forgotten.

Please Do:

“Hope” Poster - Support Obama while having fun. Apply “Hope” poster to poster board, cut out head hole, paint your face and hair red, off-white and blue then stick you melon through the hole.

“No Country for Old Men” Guy - Grab a jean jacket, put on a psychotic dead stare and get a wig that resembles the sweet long locks Javier Bardem sports in the film. Quietly threaten people all night long.

Brooke Hogan - Big guys only.

The Jonas Brothers - Petite ladies only.

David Duchovny - Easy one fellas: Dress like Mulder, look sullen and fashion a large erection in your pants. Hit on everyone.

Charlie Manuel - Everyone’s love the Phillie’s skipper! Just place a teeny-tiny Phillies cap (maybe, the ice cream cup version) on top of your large head of whitened hair (baby powder), jam a couple pillows in gut area of a tight baseball uniform, and insert piece of straw in mouth to hammer home the lovable southern boy motif. Expect lots of hugs.

Raffaello Follieri - Time to bust out your Italian accent and old-timey, striped prison outfit. Hold photo of Anne Hathaway so people get the joke right away.

“The Love Guru” -  Absolutely no one saw the movie, but don’t let that stop you. Bonus: you can revive your awesome Austin Powers accent too! Like I said, no one saw it and will know the difference.

Miley and Billy Ray - Make sure to maximize creep factor by sucking face the entire time at party.

Hans and Franz - This oldie-but-never-a-goodie is back! It’s so lame, it’s gotta be funny.

Last Year’s List: Costumes Your Friends Will be Wearing This Halloween

Tags: Brooke Hogan • Charlie Manuel • Halloween • Iron Man • Javier Bardem • Mad Men • Obama Costume • Philadelphia • Phillies • Philly • Raffaello Follieri • The Jonas Brothers • Zach Efron