Prosthetics Company Looks Forward to Explosive Fourth of July Celebrations
By Jeff on Jul 3, 2005 in Daily Distractions, News | 0 Comments
Most sectors of the manufacturing economy are reporting poor results this quarter, but seasonal demand is expected to boost revenues at one enterprising medical devices manufacturer.
“I’m not going out on a limb saying our business explodes during the Fourth of July,” said an eager and grinning Jerry Dornhoffer, VP of marketing for DornCo Prosthetics International (AMEX: NUTO).
“We prepare all year for the burst of business that comes along with firework-based celebrations. Hands down, we are the best at what we do and it’s no accident we’re the largest supplier of prosthetic products in the area.”
Dornhoffer refers to this patriotic holiday season as his “boom time,” where keeping emergency rooms stocked with the latest artificial fingers, hands, arms, legs, ears, noses, and other valuable appendages is his main priority. “This is that golden time of the business year when we acquire a whole new customer base.” Asked if by customer base, he meant the unabashedly irresponsible drunken revelers who lose body parts after setting off explosives near their loved ones without taking any safety precautions whatsoever, Dornhoffer replied, “I’m sorry, yes we call them customers, accident victim is such a negative term, and we try to be customer-friendly here.”
Your Loss is Our Gain reads a sign at the entrance of DornCo world headquarters in Dillon, SC. The rural town of Dillon is also the home of South of The Border, the largest purveyor of fireworks, firecrackers and other limb-loosening entertainment products in the United States. “It’s no coincidence that we are conveniently located in the same town and on the same street as SOB,” continued Dornhoffer as he walked us through his building and gave a tour of the high-tech labs.
“Throughout the year we work in conjunction with our friends at SOB and glean invaluable information from their latest technological advances. That way we can be prepared for the latest accidents and develop our products accordingly. It really sparks our imagination. You gotta love the synergy!”
“The old Scuddy Buddy M-80s used to only blow off one, two fingers tops and the fingers were still ‘live’ as we say in the industry — meaning they could be re-attached, not good for a replacement parts business like DornCo. Now, thanks to the fellas at SOB, the new Ultra M-200s are guaranteed to blow three to four digits clean off and reduce them to unrecoverable ashes! This is fantastic news for us!”
DornCo does most of his business with hospitals in rural areas where drinking and the lighting of life-threatening combustible party enhancers go together.
“DornCo is fabulous. They always make sure we have dozens of varieties of prosthetic limbs and appendages available in all the latest styles and colors,” said Dr. Marianne Brace Grayson of Sacred Heart Hospital in Scottsburg, IN.
“DornCo’s products are the essence of accessible design for the newly disabled, who generally want to continue their old habits with as little disruption as possible. DornCo’s artificial limbs help by containing compartments and pockets that can hold firecrackers, bottle rockets, mini Roman candles and most importantly, matches.”
When asked if this sort of modification was an unethical attempt to gain repeat business through additional injuries, Dr. Grayson replied, “Managed health care has hit us all hard. No further comment.”
“I guess you could call us a true ‘hands-free technology,’” laughed Dornhoffer as he picks up a few of his latest hand-to-forearm models and performs some karate moves accented by some verbal “high-yahs!” in a bad Chinese accent. “We really have fun here and take pride in our work knowing we provide a great service to people whose partying gets a little out of hand.”
“I know this one fella who lost a hand, a foot, his nose, and both ears when his buddy lit a can of firecrackers off under his folding chair,” said Dornhoffer “Sure, it sounds like fun and everyone loves a good prank, but for those times when your toes end up in the punchbowl and are charred beyond recognition, DornCo has some new piggies ready and waiting for ya at your local ER.”
The prostheses are also low priced compared to other similar products in the market. “We realize the majority of our customers don’t have insurance. They don’t want to pay a lot for their body parts, and many can’t afford to keep purchasing new ones. That’s why we don’t want to charge them an arm and…” Dornhoffer starts to laugh and tries to regain composure, “… and arm and a leg! Sorry, but that never gets old!”
Like most successful companies, customer satisfaction is DornCo’s main concern. “We always get a thumbs up from all are customers… well, right after they’ve been re-attached!”
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