Interview: Patton Oswalt

What is the oddest project that has ever been formally offered to you? I’m not talking about crazy homeless people handing you scripts on Taco Bell wrappers.

A remake of Halloween with an all-black cast.

Best whiskey and beer combo?

Shot of McCarthy’s single malt and anything on tap which you buy for, and give to, a friend while you have another shot of McCarthy’s.

Best song to sing out loud after numerous beer/whiskey combos?

“Living on a Prayer”

Best death scene.in a movie?

John Malkovich at the end of Con Air.

When you finally get your own spin-off show (Spence For Hire or Stop Making Spence), who will your disproportionately hot love interest be?

Fraternal triplets played by Franka Potente, Nadine Jensen and Charlize Theron.

What two comic book hero sidekicks would you most like to see in a slap fight?

I hate all sidekicks.

You wrote an issue of “Justice League Of America.” Did they ask you to do it, or did you ask them?

Combo of both.

Any plans to write for other titles? If not, what titles would you like to write for?

I have some shorter stories coming out in other books early next year. I might be pitching a re-vamp of Ghost Rider in the spring. We’ll see.

In centimeters (cm), how wide would you say Leah Remini’s ass got during the height of her pregnancy?

I’m not familiar with the metric system.

What one song always brings a smile to Patton’s face when it randomly pops up on your I-Pod?

“You You You You You” by the 6ths.

What one book have you re-read the most?

“Blood Meridian” by Cormac McCarthy.

During your early days of stand-up, did you have every second mapped out? How long did it take before you felt comfortable straying from your set list?

I never had it mapped out, but I outlined a lot harder than I do now.

Do you ever write for “King of Queens”, or is it a writers write and actors act sort of atmosphere?

I’ve hung out in the writer’s room a few times, but the fact is we’ve got such a good writing staff, I don’t want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.

When you are out on the road, what three items do you always bring with you to make you feel more at home?

My notebook, my flask and my iPod.

Favorite celebrity drinking buddy?

David Cross.

Which is more satisfying for you, getting a big laugh from a bit you have been working on over a period of time or getting a big laugh from a bit that just came to you on stage?

The former.

What has been the best bill (music or comedy) that you have been on?

A fund raiser for the West Memphis 3 I did last year. Too many good people to name.

First person you ever masturbated to on television?

Joy Harmon in Village of the Giants.

Last?

Myself, in my 1 hour special.

If something happened financially where you never had to work again, would you still go up on stage?

Yes. Always. But I’d go onstage in a limo.

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