Jet Packs, Humane Human & Boycott The Bee

Jet Packs Exist! Always pondering the important things in life late at night, I asked my wife if jet packs exist. She said she did not know (by saying that, she knew she could shut me up quicker), so i did a little research (26 seconds worth). My findings: They do exist and there are two competing companies that make these futuristic, single-person flying machines. Don’t get you hopes up flyboys and flygirls, these absurdly heavy (about 125 lbs) rigs are very expensive (around $200,000) and you can only stay aloft for 30 seconds a pop. Boo! Look close and you’ll see they are basically glorified fire extinguishers tied to your back.

I’m a Little Worried about The Career of: John Cusack (now starring in “K-PAX, The Early Years”). Ugh.

Bill Smith Rules: This wonderful human saves dogs that people (mostly, repulsive breeders) don’t want. Before you spend $3,000 on some purebred (read: inbred) golden retriever at a puppy factory, check out some loving mutts at your local shelter. Sure, some are a little crazy, but so are some of your kids and you haven’t ditched them yet. Allow me to quote from my Quote of The Day calendar: “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.” – Gandhi

Boycott The Bee: Hey parents, please don’t go to see that new animated film from that smug ass Seinfeld. If it tanks, there won’t be sequel (I’d rather eat a handful of bee stingers than hear the word “Beequel” uttered by that twerp Billy Bush) and we will be spared another onslaught of those super-sized, super-irritating commercials. Jerry can then go quietly back to counting his cars in his giant airplane hangar, safely away from our TVs, just where I like him. So please don’t go. Read your kids a book instead, just not the one his dopey wife ripped off.