Law & Order: Social Networking Unit

By on Feb 8, 2010 in Daily Distractions | 6 Comments

SM ShrakeIt’s always a “My teacher’s in my house!”-type giddy feeling when my two worlds collide: When my “teacher” (L&O or the other fictional crime show I watch now because it’s on every channel all the time, Criminal Minds) “comes to” my “house” (Facebook, Twitter, etc., aka the world you and I all basically live in now).

I’m talking about the weaving of big-name social networking sites into the plots on Law & Order (and its spinoffs such as Major Cases and Sexy Victims’ Units), made extra weird by the fake names the shows’ writers have come up with presumably to shield against legal action: The amusing “Facespace” (a kind of MySpace/Facebook hybrid) has recently changed to “Faceunion.” The same recent episode featured an iPhone app and website called “Anonymous Quickie” (obviously meant to stand in for Grindr, the GPS-based hookup tool that promiscuous gay future Sexy Victims use).* I’m waiting (on L&O or off) for an x-rated Facebook called Facef*ck.

Look, I don’t have a fancy writing degree from New York City’s prestigious Hudson University. And yet with my new storyblog I’ve had occasion to come up with some, dare I say, ingenious pseudonyms for many of the people, places, and things in my true stories. I went “à clé” to protect their identities, especially mobbed-up people I’ve known.

So I thought I’d quickly just try my hand at this, with some…

Pseudo-Names for Social Networking Sites:

  • Foursquare: “Self-Stalker”
  • MySpace: “FOXySpace”
  • Meetup.com: “WeirdHobby.com”
  • Plaxo: “NoThanxO”
  • Friendster: “MeSoHornyMeLoveYouLongTimester”

More New Fake Names for Social Networking Sites, and Ideas for Plots Involving Them:

Flickr: “Pitchr”

Uniformed Officer: (bursting in to precinct, breathless) “That missing little girl in Far Rockaway… someone just tagged her in some vacation pictures on his Pitchr account! We gotta move on this!”

Lt. Van Buren: “Ugh, not again. I forgot my damn login for that site. I never use it anymore. Does anybody in here share photos with loved ones on Pitchr? Get over here and log in for us, will you? Goddamn websites are getting on my last nerve today.“

[OPENING CREDITS BEGIN, THEME MUSIC UNDER]

Twitter: “Pitter-Patter”

tweet: “patty-cake”

Det. Benson: “Captain, we’ve got a situation. A lady in the Bronx just patty-caked an S.O.S. to Pitter-Patter from her handheld! She is being attacked by a sex criminal. She asked her Pitter-Patter followers to contact SVU for her, and we’ve been getting dozens of frantic patty-cakes at @sexyvictims.”

Cap’n Cragen: “Followers? Is she a cult leader or something?”

Det. Benson: “No, but she is a top patty-caker. People hang on her every patty-cake. Excuse me, I have to go RP this post.”

Cap’n Cragen: (looking sadder than usual) “S.O.S. by SMS? Re-patty-caking? Liv, I don’t know if I can live in this world anymore. What ever happened to pens and papers?”

[OPENING CREDITS BEGIN, THEME MUSIC UNDER]

LinkedIn: “ChainedTogether”

Det. Eames: “So what are you telling us, professor? Somebody used ChainedTogether to find all their former colleagues from the bank where they worked, and then had bombs delivered to those people’s current places of employment? That’s just sick.”

Det. Goren: “I know. Whatever happened to just ‘going postal’ the old-fashioned way?”

Det. Eames: “Hey, remind me to go reject the ChainedTogether invitation Detective Munch over in SVU sent me last week. I don’t want to be chained up with him in any way, shape or form.”

Det. Goren: “You’re on ChainedTogether? So am I! Why haven’t we chained up yet?” (Det. Eames looks down at the floor.)

[OPENING CREDITS BEGIN, THEME MUSIC UNDER]

*I can’t remember what they were, but these shows have used other stand-in names for things like Craigslist and YouTube. Can anyone remember what they were?

Read more SM SHRAKE at You Wanna Know What? and The Shrake-tionary.

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