Even More Minor Milestones

Every day milestones are reached but sometimes go unnoticed. Here are some lesser known yet still impressive events we caught using The Wigometer 3000™, our super-powered, pop-culture-detecting radar system.

• 200th time this week someone told you, “You must watch Mad Men!”
• 1,000th time today Kanye West has impressed himself
• 500th Thriller group dance routine performed this month by wedding party who still think it’s so very original
• 10,000th fake question posed by a fake reader in Parade magazine
• 700th opportunity seized by Al Sharpton
• 100th product in your supermarket featuring Rachael Ray’s fat face
• 10,000th time “Let’s do a spoof Mac ad and put it on YouTube!” was heard in an ad agency conference room
• 5th copy sold
• 50,000th story planted on Digg.com by a splog
• 4,000th spiritual geek matched up with timid nerd on eHarmony.com
• 300th grainy, dark, out-of-focus surveillance photo made crystal clear with the simple click of a mouse on crime show by snippy female computer whiz
• 15,000th Christopher Walken impression done by a hack stand-up comedian
• 25th episode of “Lost” featuring lots of boring stuff from the past jam packed between two minutes of actual, plot-advancing action
• 2,500th mention of “Tyra” by Tyra on Tyra’s show
• 2,000,000,000th occurrence of God personally helping an athlete or celebrity win something
• 1,000th “Next Big Thing” declared at SXSW/CMJ this year
• 500th stolen joke updated with the word “beaner” by Carlos Mencia
• 800,000th personal blog that has not been updated since February 2006
• 1,000,000th stock photo showing a laptop screen pointed at by three ethnically-diverse and smiling business people
• 10th rebate check actually sent in and payment promptly received
• 5,000,000th piece of chintzy retro crap bought on eBay by someone who immediately regrets the purchase
• 3,000th title in the “Dummies” series of books hit the shelf: “Fucking for Dummies”
• 20,000th day in a row Prince Charles has not had a real job
• 500,000th deep arterial laceration of a human hand while trying to open a product packaged in that sharp, hard-plastic shrink wrap
• 50,000th “Goodfellas” poster hung on a Rutgers University dorm room wall
• 300,000th rock-hard erection guaranteed in your inbox
• 1,000th use of the word “percentile” by your new-parent friend
• 750,000th spin of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” on Philadelphia radio

Tags: Annoying Celebrities • Celebrity • funny • humor • Pop Culture