It’s National Global Running Day or something like that, so put on some absurdly short running shorts, lace up your high tops, plop down on the couch, and read these carbo-rich, protein-packed tweet pellets.
when you see a couple jogging pic.twitter.com/Lj6d6mNzOJ
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) June 2, 2016
Training for a half half half half half half half half half marathon. — Tim Siedell (@badbanana) August 30, 2012
*jogs for 8 minutes* *doesn't stop sweating for 14 hours*
— M. Lozénge 🚽™ (@LostCatDog) September 30, 2015
average jogging pace = Barbie Power Wheels Jeep
— Sam (@SamuelMoen) February 17, 2017
A fun thing to yell at people who are out for a run while pushing a jogging stroller is "COME BACK WITH MY BABY!"
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) August 19, 2016
I always hope that when people see me outside running they think, “wow, an athlete!” but instead it’s prob more like, “Aw, good for her.” — alyssa kramer (@kramediggles) March 1, 2014
You ran a half-marathon? Wow! Half congratulations! — Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) July 7, 2013
I hate it when Facebook is down and I have to call people to ask how many miles they ran that day.
— moody monday (@mdob11) May 14, 2014
When I go running I like to dress in such a way that makes it hard for people to tell whether I’m exercising or being chased. — Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) April 10, 2014
About to jog. For the next 30 minutes it would be cool if you’d tweet things like “Nice pace!” and “Wow, look at him go!” — Scott Jacobson (@straintest) October 15, 2013
let’s calm down guy jogging from the gym parking lot to the gym — lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) August 13, 2013
A fun way to get exercise is to grab a pitchfork and chase a jogger. — Aaron Blitzstein (@BlitznBeans) May 9, 2014
Hey people with 13.1 stickers on your car, the rest of us didn’t run a full marathon either we’re just not bragging about it. — ashley barnhill (@ashley_barnhill) February 23, 2013
I would love to run marathons but I can't find anybody who does and wants to talk about it. Why all the secrecy guys?!
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) March 31, 2013
Running is like walking, but faster and awful. — Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 27, 2014
HOW TO JOG:
1. Put on jogging outfit.
2. Go outside.
3. Imagine a cow galloping down the street.
4. Try to milk that cow.
— blake (@Leemanish) November 28, 2012
Good job on your 5K this morning, everyone in Whole Foods! — Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) April 12, 2014
About to start my first half marathon and no one can tell me where the diarrhea pits are located — Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) October 14, 2012
I'm sorry if I don't wave or smile back at you while I'm running. It's just that I'm trying very hard to not die.
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) December 23, 2014
As head coach of the Goth Kids Running Club, I spend the majority of my time confiscating cigarettes.
— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) September 22, 2013
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