Breaking News!
Blackwater Unit Joins Army Football Team
In a move to shore up protection for the Black Knights ailing backfield, the coaching staff at the esteemed West Point Military Academy took a page from the presidents’ playbook and contracted Blackwater USA mercenaries to play offensive line.
David Blaine Fails Latest Stunt!
In what was billed as the brazen magician’s most courageous and impossible stunt to date, David Blaine officially gave up his quest to work as an assistant product manager at a technology company for one straight month (with weekends off). After a mere 16 hours in the harrowing position, Blaine took a long lunch and never returned.
Man Beats Cancer, Completes First Triathlon Viewing
“I took it slow at first, only watching the swimming part for a few minutes then I’d turn it off and take a nap. I’d then watch another triathlon and try to make it through the bike leg,” Favieri said as he adjusted his flannel pajama bottoms and propped another couch cushion behind his head.
Photoshop Now Offers “Family Beach Photo” Generator
If you belong to a loving, handsome family who cherish time spent together, chances are you have an impressive golden-hued photo over your mantle showing your smiling, sun-kissed clan huddled together in matching outfits at the beach.
Man Prefers Kiddie Pool Over Beach
This plastic oasis is positioned front and center on the lawn of the 10th avenue rental house he shares with thirteen other buddies. The three-bedroom house is only one block away from the beach, but the proximity is still not a big enough draw to make Louie leave the safe confines of his aquatic throne.
Chinese Youths Crazy for English Alphabet Tattoos
“The guy at the tattoo shop told me this means brave and proud warrior in English,” said beaming Beijing teenager Hao Tsang as he pointed to the letters GARF freshly inked onto his left bicep. “It’s perfect for me because I am very bold and confident, yet spiritual.”
