Here’s a large piping-hot pie with extra spicy tweets. Enjoy a slice!
Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.
— blake (@Leemanish) March 24, 2013
“I see you washed your bathrobe.” – the pizza delivery guy
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) September 7, 2014
me: you know that all pizza diet you put me on
doctor: i absolutely did not do that
me: ok pretend that you did though
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) January 5, 2018
A seagull once dropped a slice of pizza onto the windshield of a cab I was in, so the cabbie turned on his wipers.→
— Chris Murphy (@chrismurphyusa) March 30, 2015
DELIVERY GUY: I was in an accident on the way over here.
ME: (gently placing my hand on his shoulder) Give me my pizza.
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) September 4, 2017
Starve a cold, pizza a panic attack.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) January 13, 2016
My niece is running around without a shirt screaming pizza and now so am I.
— Sean Gabay (@ixSEANxi) January 19, 2014
Sketchy business idea: Pizza Police.
Regular pizza place, but its drivers use Ford Crown Vics with sirens, flashing red & blue lights.
— Calm Tomb (@CalmTomb) October 17, 2016
We can no longer avoid the elephant in the room, Brian. This was a Pizza Hut. Your house was a fucking Pizza Hut. We can tell by the roof.
— Cleve (@turbomanatee) July 19, 2014
Is there such a a thing as pizza sweat? Because that’s what my son’s car smells like
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 6, 2018
Try our new boneless pizza crust.
— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) January 25, 2014
I hope I'm never as lonely as the "Pizza Slice" button on my microwave.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) April 20, 2013
When I ask my 2yo niece what she had for lunch, no matter what it really was, she always says "pizza." She has over 40,000 twitter followers
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) July 2, 2014
Amazing how much safer my driving gets when there’s a large pepperoni pizza riding shotgun.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) November 24, 2013
*spends 25 minutes creating a Pizza Hut account online to avoid a 3 minute phone call*
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 21, 2015
Turtles eating pizza in a sewer isn't "cool," it's disgusting.
— MKupperman (@MKupperman) December 5, 2017
"Domino's pizza, can I take your order?"
uh… I dialed 911
"I'm sorry sir" *sound of papers shuffling* "Ok sir, what's your emergency"
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) December 2, 2014
Your own, personal, pizza A pizza you don't have to share No one will dare Reach out touch crust!! #DeepDishMode
— Lizzie Molyneux (@LizzieMolyneux) August 27, 2013
I don't even call Pizza Hut to complain anymore when there's a deflated basketball in the pizza box.
— Matthew Dolkart (@matthewdolkart) November 4, 2012
Business Idea: Pizza delivery people who dress like they're going to a party so your neighbors don't know you're eating it alone
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) March 8, 2013
Say "dessert pizza" again, you piece of shit.
— 2016 Jason (@longwall26) October 20, 2013
I didn't wake up alone if you count pizza boxes.
— Sam Reid (@SamReidSays) October 19, 2014
When the pepperoni asked why I always use humor to hide my emotions, I knew I shouldn't have ordered the Way Too Personal Pan Pizza.
— @rowdybowden (@RowdyBowden) August 24, 2013
If you're robbing my house, just bring a second guy to eat a pizza in front of my dog while you take whatever you want.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) August 24, 2015
Objectively speaking, what's the best way to get pizza sauce out of my Edgar Allan Poe death mask?
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) July 8, 2012
— Dan Clyne (@danCLYNE) September 13, 2015
Two years ago today I saw a dog standing on a table watching a band play in a pizza parlor. pic.twitter.com/ypUWvCURGC
— Jon Solomon (@jonsolomon) June 21, 2016
— brans💋n reese (@bransonreese) September 1, 2017
More: Leftover Pizza Tweets