Starbucks Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'
By Jeff on Jul 17, 2008 in Daily Distractions | 4 Comments
Every single time I enter Starbucks:
“Hi, what can I get started for you today?”
“Hi, could I please have a large coffee?”
“Venti coffee…?”
“Um, yeah, whatever dude.”
Grievance #1: I know many of your drinks require special machines, beakers, mortar and pestles, etc. to prepare, but stop with the word “started.” How about what can you get me “completed” today? Or something crazy simple like, “Hi stupid, what can I get you?”
Throwing in “started” says to me:
“Strap in kid, we’ll start the process of simply pouring a cup of coffee in a paper cup in a few seconds, but as you know, this is Starbucks and we’re trained barristas and it is a very special procedure. You may want to take some time to consider a $7 sprout sandwich even though you said you did not want anything to eat. Just a thought as we begin preparing your Venti coffee and making sure we do not leave room for milk as you requested twice. Happy spills!”
Grievance #2: I know its extremely hacky to comment on Starbucks’ overly-precious naming convention, but no matter how many times I frequent the place and get corrected, I will never ever use their asinine terminology. From a user experience perspective, it’s like adding an extra page and click to a website, an annoying additional hurdle when attempting to achieve a simple goal.
Search: Large breasts
Return: On this site we call them “Venti” breasts. Would you like to search for Venti breasts?
BTW, the only fast food branding term I will use is “Biggie.” “Biggie” rules when a word referring to french fries, when referring to a dead obese rapper, not so much.
