Headline writers addicted to plays-on-words, e.g., “Bonfire of the Profanities,” “Days of Swine Flu and Roses,” “Life Imitates Fart”—especially when there is no valid connection between the original thing being punned and the subject matter of the article.

What are the necessary aims of a good topical Facebook status update? It should entertain, delight, challenge, blow a mind or two. This is all about realizing and fully accepting that Facebook is a stage, and we’re all players.

As the Depression solidifies into Armageddon, we’re all going to have to get more comfortable with committing a lot more crime. The average Joe of the near future is going to make Mad Max look like Paul Lynde.

Illustration by Patrick Moberg

On my recent trip to Dublin with my unforgettable sister, KP, I was thinking about how I had never been so comfortable with my American accent abroad. I hadn’t been overseas since 1999. Maybe it’s getting older that makes you just not care. I didn’t apologize for how I talk or feel bound to explain [...]

Porcelain Suffers Crushing Defeat: I like Kevin Smith a lot (the man, not his movies), he’s a funny no-bullshit kind of guy and a very informed movie reviewer. So I’m sad to hear (and see!) just how obese he has gotten. Smith recently broke a toilet. Ooof! Pull it together Kev, quit the pot, hit [...]

There was a time when UsedWigs was young, before it went blog, that we didn’t have comments. If someone had something to say about something I wrote, they sent me an e-mail, and I ignored them. It was the opposite of a free-for-all.

[NOTE: This quessay is cross-posted on HuffingtonPost.com] *Big ups to Crispin Glover, who really should’ve run for president this year, and who once wrote an “essay” called “What Is It?” composed only of questions, with a subtly discernible anti-Steven Spielberg thrust to it. Subtly discernible, the way the media’s anti-Hillary Clinton bias is subtle. I’m [...]