# Official Tea Party merchandise now available! Children’s Tea Party Set. $17.76. Colors: white only.
# iPad “Car Steering Wheel Controller” app now $4.99. iPad “Car Steering Wheel Controller” app now $4.99. Amazon Deal of The Day! WikiLeaks Audio Box Set as read by Icky Woods. And More!

One large credit card bill will make you sad, so open a new card at each store you go to, including Cinnabon and Christmas City. Do not shop online. Somalis will hijack your credit card info. The Purell Dispenser/Ambulance Transformer is the season’s must-have toy. The online discount promo code for John Mayer’s new CD is “$UPERDOUCHE” Gift receipts show a lack of confidence in your purchases. Do not give them out. And more!!

Doing all of your shopping on Christmas Eve guarantees your loved ones will be receiving the freshest bags of grapes possible.

Gas stations would not sell neckties if they weren’t really great gifts.