Tasteful Nudes by Dave Hill: The Incredible Music Video

Yup, Dave Hill wrote a book called “Tasteful Nudes” and it will be making sweet, consensual love to other books (mostly chick lit) on bookstore shelves in May. I read an advanced copy and it’s extremely funny and filled with lots of life-affirming stuff that will inspire you to be a better person, get in shape and take up guitar. Pre-order now!

Originally posted 2/23/11, updated 1/7/12.

Remember when comedian Dave Hill came to Philly last February at Connie’s Ric Rac and the March before that at the World Cafe Live during the UsedWigs Live Show and blew the doors off? And remember how much your sides, belly and palms hurt from laughing and high-fiving your pals during Dave’s killer set? Yeah, that was crazy! Well guess what laugh lovers? Dave is coming back to Philly this Thursday, January 12th, at the Tin Angel because he loves this city so god-damned much. UsedWigs pals, ball-busting Nikki Walter and the always elegant Daniel Eastman, will also be performing. A few tickets are still available, get em now.

I asked Dave what are his five favorites things about Philly. Here are the top 5 of the 73 answers he supplied.

1. That really big mural of Dr. J on that one building:

I have never really followed basketball, but I still totally know who Dr. J is and I think it’s really great that there is a seriously large painting of him on the side of a building right there in your town where pretty much anybody can roll up on him any time they want and just say to themselves or whoever else is with them at the moment “Look — there’s Dr. J, the famous basketball player, a man we still talk about to this day. Talk about scoring points — he was great at it.” I also like that Dr. J is dressed in a cool suit in this mural. It’s like he’s just hanging out or something, instead of dressed up in one of his professional basketball outfits. This makes him seem more approachable to me, even though he is two stories high and if a person were ever really that big they could crush you without even thinking about it.

2. This one store I went to:

A couple years ago, I got dim sum (the popular Chinese brunch-like meal) with my friend Maria (who pretty much just bitched about how much she hated Chinese food the whole time. Whatever.) Afterward, we wandered around town and happened upon this one store that sold all sorts of cool stuff. The guy who ran the store told us there was a whorehouse next door, which made us giggle. Anyway, I can’t remember the name of the store, but it had a stuffed hyena in it. Odds are they are out of business by now as the hyena wasn’t for sale and you can’t exactly have a hyena in your store and not expect everyone to want to buy it a whole lot more than anything else you might be selling. Anyway, I did end up buying something else anyway, specifically a DVD of a French movie called “Don’t Deliver Us From Evil,” which is about a couple French schoolgirls who decided to align themselves with Satan instead of listening to the nuns at their school, who are total bitches. As you can probably imagine, that one pretty much writes itself. The nuns lez out, the two Satany girls kill some guy with a log, and they even set themselves on fire at the end. In short, it pretty much has everything. Run, don’t walk, to see this movie.

3. Terry Gross:

I like that Terry Gross, host of the popular “Fresh Air” public radio program, is living right there in your town. I’ve never met Terry (what I call her), but I love the idea that by coming to Philadelphia it suddenly becomes a possibility that I might run into her, cool glasses and all, in her natural habitat. And if that ever happened, I’d probably just say “Hey, Terry. You want to go get a sandwich or something?” Most people probably would have stopped at saying hello. Not me though — I swing for the fences.

4. A low tolerance for bullshit:

Whenever I step off the train and into the train station in Philadelphia (You know —  the one featured in the hit movie “Witness” starring Kelly McGillis in the role of a lifetime and I think she takes her top off at one point) and then out into the streets of Philadelphia, one of the first things I am struck by is how much the people of Philadelphia pretty much have no time for bullshit. I wish I could say the same for the people of Baltimore. Those people are so crazy for bullshit it’s not even funny. Crab cakes at a baseball game? Bullshit. Get over yourselves, Baltimorians. Anyway, that shit and a lot of other shit would never fly in Philly because pretty much everyone there hates bullshit. And I love that they hate bullshit, because I hate bullshit too. When I come to Philadelphia this weekend, I hope to round up a bunch of Philadelphians and just stand around with them while giving the finger to bullshit in all its forms. It’s gonna be pretty great.

5. Non-cheesesteak food options:

A lot of people think cheesesteaks are the only food item available in Philadelphia. This is crazy. I’ve had all sorts of food here and it was delicious. And guess what- none of it was cheesesteaks. In fact, you know what? Fuck cheesesteaks- they are doing fine without me. Another thing is that Questlove lives in Philadelphia. He is a great drummer with great hair, which is great for him and a lot of other people. One time I played a show in Philadelphia with the Walter Schreifels Band at Chuck Treece’s rock club/arts facility place. Questlove was there and I was excited to tell everyone how Questlove was there but then he left. I have other stories. Not about Questlove, but stories in general.

More:

• Keep Twitter Funny: Follow Dave Hill, Todd Barry and Jon Wurster
• Interview with Dave Hill
• @mrdavehill

Breaking News! Super special guests Dave Hill and Nikki Walter will be joining the fun!

8:30pm – June 21st – L’etage – No Cover!

That’s right kids, we’re back in action at Philly’s most fancy crepe-slinging venue L’etage! Starting on Summer’s birthday (June 21st!), we’ll fire up the microphones and the t-shirt cannon at this handsomely-appointed eatery to record our beloved podcast.

We’ll do it once a month. Each show will have super special guests, some who tell jokes, some who sing songs and others that dance with the devil (I have no idea what that means). So please join us and enjoy us, delicious food, both cheap and expensive beer, and maybe the most comfortable seating (since Fred’s Beanbag Chair Lounge) that your ass has ever had the pleasure to plop itself in!

Oh, by the way, this is a very romantic spot, perfect for making out! So bring your lover or brush your teeth in case you meet a lover during the show. Maybe Ed Lover? Or an Easy Lover, Philip Bailey is the co-owner of this joint (lie!).

More:

• @mrdavehill
• @TurboGrandma
• L’etage
• UsedWigs Radio

BREAKING GUEST NEWS!! Super special guests Dave Hill and Nikki Walter will be there, entertaining your pants off (wear clean undies)!

Details: That’s right kids, we’re back in action at Philly’s most fancy crepe-slinging venue L’etage! Starting on the Summer Solstice (June 21st!), we’ll fire up the microphones and the t-shirt cannon at this handsomely-appointed eatery to record our beloved podcast. We’ll do it once a month. Each show will have super special guests, some who tell jokes, some who sing songs and others that dance with the devil (I have no idea what that means). So please join us and enjoy us, delicious food, both cheap and expensive beer, and maybe the most comfortable seating (since Fred’s Beanbag Chair Lounge) that your ass has ever had the pleasure to plop itself in!

Oh, by the way, this is a very romantic spot, perfect for making out! So bring your lover or brush you teeth in case you meet a lover during the show. Maybe Ed Lover? Or an Easy Lover, Philip Bailey is the co-owner of this joint (lie!).

Mini Podcast! Here’s us eating crepes at L’etage last week, scoping out the new joint, chatting about dumb candy and funny ladies and of course, discussing our new show!

Play Now: http://usedwigs.com/pod/MiniPodcast1.mp3

iTunes: Download, Listen and Subscribe

Podcast Website: www.usedwigsradio.com

Related Links

• Nikki Walter @TurboGrandma
• Maggie Serota @maggieserota
• Daily Urban Legend
• Baman Piderman
• Tom Haverfoods

Photo: Todd spills beer. Awaits the wrath of Russ.

Topics: Keeping Twitter Fun & Informative, Tweeting Comedians, Bad College Beer, iPad Flipboard Review, Todd Defends Foursquare and Gowalla, Russ Defends DJ Music, Jeff Reviews Scott Pilgrim, Arcade Fire Hype, Comedy Central Roasts, Viggo Mortensen, Frank Zappa, Poop Book, Thin Magazines and Cool Yeasayer Video and The Worst Song in The World (Hi, Train!)

Preview: “C’mon Todd, the band X! John Doe, Exene Cervenka, Billy Zoom??” “As far as I know you are making this band up.”

Playlist: Javelin, Bottomless Pit and The Young Veins

Play Now: http://www.usedwigs.com/pod/podcast78.mp3

iTunes: Download, Listen and Subscribe

Website: www.usedwigsradio.com

Video: Watch Todd spill a beer and Russ clean it up! (24:39)

Solar Powered Laziness: Is gardening really this difficult?

Download of Laughs: The first episode of Dave Hill’s Podcasting Incident with special guest Tig Notaro is now up. Enjoy the low-key love vibe.

This Totally Sucks: “Sucks” Songs by Jon Wurster Sucks from The Best Show (oddly enough, doesn’t suck).

Free MP3: Speaking of Wurster, New Superchunk! “Digging for Something” (via @mergerecords)

Another Free MP3! New Screaming Females! “I Don’t Mind It” (via @brooklynvegan)

New Fabulous Feature: Quality Tweet of The Day! Twitter is a contest and every day I pick the winner.

Put Me Inside You (so I can kill you): Footlong Cheeseburger at Carl’s Jr.

New Galifianakis Flick! “It’s Kind of a Funny Story” —  looks good, think “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” with a hot young chick instead of a  cranky old nurse. Here’s the trailer:

Sponsor Me: I’m trying to raise some funds for Back on My Feet, a great nonprofit that promotes self-sufficiency for the homeless. I’m doing so by running a long race called the 20in24. Please give $5! More>

Design Input: “Missing Cat” poster was cute (it’s fun to create pretend email conversations), but I like this better: “Please design a logo for me. With pie charts. For free.”

Career Path: When a former A-list actress accepts her first Lifetime movie role, do you think she fully grasps there’s absolutely no turning back?

Dignity: Hawking spaz sneakers and dubious exercise contraptions on TV? Joe Montana, what exactly did you do with all your football money?

Multiple Mustache Must-See: Journey “Separate Ways” Shot-for-Shot Remake by Teens. Very enjoyable.

World War III Will Begin. In Space! And more things that will definitely happen: 40 Things You Need to Know About the Next 40 Years (via metafilter)

Life Wasting: Punkin Chunkin is show about guys spending lots of time & money building machines to toss pumpkins. Science has never been more ashamed.

Colonoscopy: It’s Time to Check Your Colons

Health Update: The food I’ve shoved into my mouth today falls between the categories of “Toddler’s Birthday Party” and “Parking Lot Carnival.”

Breaking News: Massive Brown Out Hits Men’s Room. Authorities questioning burritos.

Nostalgia: Not counting the guys in Saxon, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one on earth who watched this video 3x in a row today.

Least Enticing Headline of The Day: “Northern Exposure premiered 20 years ago this week”

Contest! Dorian Graycation? Flambécation? Amwaycation? Give us your best “Staycation” name & win a prize!

Keep in Touch:

I love a good video about babies… I mean the making of babies. Always nice to see a Cro-Mags tee too.

More: Diamondsnake

Photos by Tiffany Yoon and Kevin Ginsberg. Click thumbnails below.

[flickr-gallery mode="photoset" photoset="72157623550289705"]

Enjoy a few shots of Chaka Marrone, Nicole Brewer, SM Shrake, Jeff, Brian and Russell taken by our guest Dave Hill (@mrdavelhill). More to come soon. Cool photo effect by the Hipstamatic iPhone App.