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Holiday Shopping Tips and Hot Items for 2010

Jeff — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 18:53:37 +0000

Official Tea Party merchandise now available! Children’s Tea Party Set. $17.76. Colors: white only.
iPad “Car Steering Wheel Controller” app now $4.99.
Amazon Deal of The Day! WikiLeaks Audio Box Set as read by Icky Woods.
Open car doors at busy shopping centers offer great opportunities for serious savings.
Avoid crowds by shopping in the discounted Halloween Decorations aisle only.
Slightly injured “Spider-Man: The Musical” action figures 40% off at Rite-Aid.
DO NOT make eye contact or acknowledge the senior greeters. They WILL follow you home.
Play-Doh now comes in beige, berber and other rug-friendly colors.
“Royal Wedding” MP3 by Billy Idol (sung to tune of “White Wedding”) now $1.99. Proceeds go to the Queen’s Dumb Hat fund.
Try a cyber-gift! Retweeting a friend is now valued at $1,000 per tweet.
Staging a one-person flash mob performance of “Cool Rider” in a crowded mall is a great shopping stress reliever.
Banned in many book stores, “Bullying for Dummies” is still available at the FOX News online store.
A $25 Starbucks gift card is the perfect way to say, “Have two coffees on me!”
Facebook Press introduces first how- to book: “Hints, Tips and Advanced Trickery to Make Your Profile Photo Appear Sexy!”
Giving “15% Off First Visit” coupons for psychotherapy to family members is always appreciated.
Paula Deen’s Pork Fat Perfume available everywhere south of Delaware.
Just like Oprah said, your friends could always use an extra book in their bathrooms.
Don’t forget to tip your postmen, your trash collectors, your barbers, your stylists, your baby-sitters, your baristas, your pastors, your personal trainers, your doormen, your urologists, your meter maids, your auto mechanics, your state senators and your favorite astronauts.

More Holiday Cheer!

Gift Idea: Muppet Tee

Jeff — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:57:07 +0000

Statler and Waldorf were one of my favorite TV gay puppet couples. From the Muppet Wiki (of course there is a Muppet wiki):

“Statler and Waldorf share the stage left balcony box in the Muppet Theater, and the two delight in heckling every aspect of The Muppet Show. Statler and Waldorf are especially unforgiving to Fozzie Bear. Statler and Waldorf first appeared as a pair in the 1975 pilot The Muppet Show: Sex and Violence.”

Buy: $16.99

Gift Idea: Dog Toy Mustache

Jeff — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:31:57 +0000

Might want to buy a little barber shop quartet outfit for your pup too. Go the whole nine. “Add some low-cost laughs to your frequent frolics with Fido! This shiny black toy is a ball on one end, and a giant cartoon mustache on the other. Dogs naturally pick up the ball…which leaves the outrageously funny mustache sticking out! Dogs also love to hold the ball in their mouth, and shake the mustache back and forth!”

Price: $12

Buy: www.moodypet.com

Holiday Shopping Tips 2008

Jeff — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 05:08:27 +0000

Do not charge anything you can’t pay off in the next 23 years.
Beware: “What are you wearing right now?” is not a standard question when ordering gifts over the phone.
Take advantage of that big sale at The Dollar Store.
The stockings will be filled with disappointment if you shop at J Crew for your Twilight-loving little vamps.
Remember, the economic crisis is hurting the retailers too, so keep your shoplifting to a minimum.
Keep receipt for hassle-free return of expensive cocktail dress you really didn’t like but still wore to the office holiday party (and on four other occasions).
People love getting cash! Not that worthless American kind, try euros or whatever they use in Canada.
If Santa’s lap is moist, grab your child and skedaddle.
Buying products advertised in unsolicited emails is a great way to save money and enlarge your penis.
Doing all of your shopping on Christmas Eve guarantees your loved ones will be receiving the freshest bags of grapes possible.
Gas stations would not sell neckties if they weren’t really great gifts.
Dr. Phil’s latest diet book is the perfect gift for your friends who are both fat and dumb.
Telling your loved one, “I got you an XXX-Large just to be safe,” is not always appreciated.
Speed Racer and Leatherheadsaction figures now 70% off at Rite-Aid.
Parking can be crazy. To protect your SUV from dings and scrapes, take up at least two spaces with your vehicle. People will leave it alone and definitely won’t key it.
Covering yourself from head to toe in thick mucus is an effective way to discourage pickpockets.
Mall shopping can be physically exhausting, be sure to bring along your personal trainer.
Spice things up for the office Pollyanna and burn latest celebutard sex tape on a DVD.
Shopping online can be risky, stick with products and sites you know and trust.

- Happy Holidays from Jeff and Scott!

More Christmas Cheer!