Sometimes when a really old celebrity dies, people say, “I guess I didn’t realize [he/she] was still alive! Is that a mean thing to say?” Well, call me mean or not, here are some of those people. The ones sitting in God’s waiting room. (These are just the ones I find surprising, in descending order of surprisingness. I’d better hurry up and publish this list, it could become superannuated at any minute! God forbid.)

When all is said (and done, but mostly said): Isn’t it entirely possible, as a friend of mine wondered aloud the other day, that Michael Jackson died a virgin? That he never had any sexual contact with anyone?

What are the necessary aims of a good topical Facebook status update? It should entertain, delight, challenge, blow a mind or two. This is all about realizing and fully accepting that Facebook is a stage, and we’re all players.

Back in the heyday of MTV some established rock acts made a genuine attempt to be innovative with their videos, trying to break the mold of chintzy special effects, testosterone-filled clichés and the perfunctory live performance. Striving to be completely different, some videos turned out, shall we say, just a bit gay. By “gay” of course, we mean every conceivable meaning of the word.