Headlines ripped from the pages of our new book “Quality Workday Distractions!” Buy a copy (of 5!) and get more great news you can use! Comedian Jim Gaffigan says, “UsedWigs.com is like the bacon of the internet. Mmm. UsedWigs.”

• Inventor Kid Invents Useless Piece of Crap!

• 99% of Indians Polled Find Gay Cowboy Movie Very Realistic!
• Cancer Awareness Bracelets Found to Cause Cancer!
• Disturbing Hidden Camera Footage Reveals Local Health Club Still Playing Fabulous Thunderbirds Videos!
• ‘Real World’ Cast Member Dies During ‘Gauntlet’ Event, Doctor Determines Cause of Death to Be Old Age!
• Trader Joe’s Employee Goes from ‘Very Friendly’ to ‘Very Irritating’ in a Matter of Seconds!
• Rabid Sports Fan Hits Rock Bottom, Joins Fantasy Paintball League!
• Kevin Costner and a Really Bad Premise Team Up Once Again for New Movie!

More here: news, nonsense, pop culture lists, band names and more!

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We’ve Made Plans For You! Our pal Michele Melcher is having a solo art exhibition at Philly’s fantastic new Proximity Gallery. The show is titled, “Stomping Grounds” and opening night is Friday, September 4th from 5 to 9 pm. Stomp on over and enjoy some lovely illustrations!

Photos: Lindsay McIntire

Team UsedWigs, Inc. pulled off our first “live” show this past Friday night and it was a ton o’ fun. Critics raved, “They sure drink a lot, especially in a coffee house.” and “The seats were very comfortable.”

Russ, Todd and I have been doing our podcast for over four years and thought it would be a grand idea to get the hell out of Russ’s home studio for once and enjoy some humanity, interactivity and the deafening thunder of applause and fanatical adulation (we got 2 out of 3, not bad).

We chose MilkBoy Coffee in Ardmore as the venue because Russ and Todd have performed there many times (think Cirque du Soleil on a larger scale) and the owners Jamie and Tommy are great guys who are always up for something different, like a live podcast.

We had a little over a month to organize the show, which was pretty tight considering all we wanted to do: live musical performance, comedian, special guest interview, live science demonstration and some multimedia presentations all jammed packed in a 2-hour show. We envisioned an old-school Mike Douglas Show vibe. After the 3 of us conferred at a kick0ff meeting (McMenamin’s Tavern), we decided we needed some serious help. So we brought in some pros… the After School Specialists.

We enlisted the human firecracker, Kenjamin Franklin Ryzner, to create and serve up the multimedia and Machiavellian martinet, Jandek Phil Charron, to direct the whole shebang (neither asked for money up front, just a piece of the international distribution rights of the DVD and the Spanish language version). Our lovely announcer Lisa signed on too (lucky for us, Lisa and Russ are married, so she could not fib and say she was busy).

That’s a pretty solid crew to stage a performance, but every good talk show needs a house band, so Russ got on the horn and “Rusty Static and The Wig Tones” were born. Part of putting a show together is getting your talented friends involved, and lucky for us, Russell Gellman and Brian Jacobs are two of best musicians and nicest guys around (and are usually up for partaking in our nonsense).

There were rumors the Ultimate Washington Insider was going to be in town and join the show too… his legions of fans were lighting up the message boards and fan sites.

So we got the team together and then assembled a stellar line-up of super fun guests:

• live music by Philadelphia’s Audible
• literary musings by “Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook” bestselling author Josh Piven
• knee-slapping humor from comedian Don Weir
• thrilling science demonstration by PuttyWorld’s Crazy Aaron
• Philly art give-away by Michele Melcher
  

Another excuse to drink planning meeting took place (Earth Bread + Brewer) and we nailed down each show segment to specific time and doled out the duties. Everything went along swimmingly until the day before the show when the schedule band Audible (new CD is outstanding!) had to pull out due to a medical emergency. Uh oh! We’re screwed. “Can anyone do magic tricks for 25 minutes?”

I mentioned earlier about getting friends to help out, yeah, well this is one of those times when you find out just what great friends you have. I’ve been a huge fan and friends with the Philly band The Grundles for many years, so I contacted Tom Jadico (bass and surfboard) about our dilemma and he quickly got on the Grundle Hotline. Less than two hours later, Grundles Ted, Andrew and Tommy agreed to play the show. How cool is that? Very very cool, indeed. Fonzie-freaking cool.

It’s 7:00pm on June 12 and a growing crowd at Milkboy assembles while Kenjamin Franklin’s dynamic video presentation of magic, spandex and teen drinking explodes on screen. Everyone’s in a fine mood. Beers are cracked. Lattes are sipped. Cheeks are kissed. Then 8:15pm hits! Director Charron barks out orders, Ken fires up the video introduction, Lisa takes the stage for the announcing duties, The Wig Tones grab their instruments, and after 40 glasses of water (just a little dry mouth) me and the boys take the stage. Shenanigans, awkward pauses and paper shuffling ensue!

It went pretty darn well from then on. We popped some beers, chatted a bit, gave away a UsedWigs Live Swag Bag to a lucky audience member and then treated the crowd to a PowerPoint presentation on Facebook detailing “how old people (like us) have ruined it!”

At the beginning of this segment we were surprised by a cleverly-disguised SM Shrake playing maracas and wearing a creepy wig. SM, a Facebook etiquette expert, sat down and joined the lively discussion. Segment ended, a new one began.

Bestselling author Josh Piven then joined us on stage for an amusing chat about his “Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook” series and his upcoming book “This Green House” (September 2009). Josh was a funny guy and thankfully, tolerated his hosts who peppered him with barrage of hard-hitting questions. As Josh left the stage, Lisa presented him (and all our guests) with a UsedWigs Live “Home Version” game:

Next up, our pal Michele Melcher gave away one of her lovely illustrations to another lucky audience member while the band set up. The high-energy and charismatic Grundles rocked out as expected. They chatted with us for a bit before leaving to “wing on over to London and jam with the Stones!”

While the rocking may have ended, the rolling continued in fine fashion when comedian Don Weir made a triumphant return to his homeland from Brooklyn, NY. Don killed! 911 received numerous calls immediately after his set about severely strained laughing muscles.

Throughout the night Todd was busy drawing the guests on his trusty pad and displaying the art on a little easel for all to enjoy. The guest was then given his personalized piece of art to take home. Pretty sweet, huh? You would pay damn good money on the Wildwood boardwalk for that honor, but at UW Live… absolutely free! Rusty Static and The Wig Tones kept everything moving and grooving during the show too, creating a chill vibe to temper some of the between segment nuttiness.

UsedWigs Live inaugural show sadly had to end (a senior citizen puppet show was scheduled for 11:00pm sharp), but not before Crazy Aaron pounced on stage and administered some serious pickle electrocutions (not a euphemism) with some old-timey contraption, dazzling and endangering the excited audience who were clamoring for more pickled-fried goodness. It was a sizzling good ending to a fun-filled night.

Many thanks to the above-mentioned UsedWigs Team members; the wonderful guests; the awesome staff at Milkboy who were insanely accommodating; the many fine folks who helped us promote that crap out of the show (Chris and McG at PhillyBurbs.com, Eric at Geekadelphia.com, Dave at ComicVsAudience.com and Jon Solomon of WPRB); photographer extraordinaire Lindsay McIntire, artist Bevan McShea; Aaron and Elizabeth at PuttyWorld; wives Heather and Kelly; and of course, all you good people who came out and showed us a lot of love. As Hammer would say, “Proper!”

Enjoy some More Photos!

• Photo Slideshow
• Photos with Thumbnails
• iPhone Pix of UsedWigs Live

hugs! Jeff

Oh, and many thanks to McCloskey’s Bar (next to Milkboy) for the after party! My booming hangover was well worth it.

Artist Michele Melcher could have just given you bunnies and that would have been cute, by adding the gentle licking of candy canes, she has created a veritable cuteness explosion of holiday cheer! Get your set of six 3.5″ x 5″ blank note cards with envelopes now. More Melcher.

Price: $10

Buy Here: www.etsy.com

The insanely talented Michele Melcher just whipped up some wicked cool election art and wants to give it away!

In keeping with the spirit of this week’s upcoming presidential election I thought that it would be fun to have a contest where participants can vote for the illustration that they want to WIN!… Although it is politically themed it is not about which party or candidate that you’re rooting for. What matters in this contest is which ILLUSTRATION you’re voting for. After all, you have a chance to win a signed print of the illustration that you voted for!

VOTE HERE>

Obama in PA! Our next President visited the lovely town of Abington, PA today. His inspiring speech got rid of that gross Palin taste that has been swirling about your mouth all morning long.  Photo by Michele Melcher. Check out Michele’s “Carnival of Amazing Marvels” tonight at PRIMER Microstudio.

Have a Giant, Climate-Controlled Warehouse You’re Not Using? And $3 Mil burning a hole in your pocket? Then snatch up “The World’s Greatest Music Collection”: 3 million records, 300,000 compact discs
and more than 6 million song titles! Watch video.  [via neatorama]

People Like Shows About Dead Bodies and Dumb Teens: Biggest fall TV gainers (and droppers) so far.

Word Nerds: Which geeked-out continuity editor has the better job Cheryl Klein or Leland Chee? If knowing which Jedi were still alive during the Clone Wars and the best directions to Dagobah, then you’ll probably want Chee’s sweet gig. If you are incensed that Marcus Flint, who is the Slytherin Quidditch captain in books one and two, appears again in book three even though he should have graduated, then Klein is your gal.

Speaking of Potter, here are some new “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” Photos.

Get Drunk Quicker: Save Time De-corking Your Wine with the Slide Technique

Bird Poop + Human Mouth = Always Funny: Reporter Fail

Looks Promising: Wow, I actually like every single person in this film: Role Models. It’s also nice to see a new comedy that doesn’t have “Judd Apatow” as a writer, director, producer, actor or key grip for once (we all need a break, you too Seth Rogen).  Role Models is the work of Paul Rudd and David Wain and as expected, it’s full of some of our favorite “Wet Hot American Summer” campers plus the future star, Bobb’e J. Thompson. View Trailer:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqnvu5QC2fQ[/youtube]

Bike Art: Screens ‘N’ Spokes is “all about awesome art and a great cause,” benefiting the National MS Society and supporting the Screens ‘N’ Spokes bike team in the MS150 City to Shore (Philly to NJ)  bike ride on September 27-28 – click if you’d like to join!

Once again, Sam and the SNS gang have lined up an insanely impressive international list of artists including Tim Gough (Philly), strawberryluna (Pittsburgh via Philly) Jay Ryan and Diana Sudyka (Chicago), Nick Rhodes (Manchester, England), Dirk Fowler (Lubbock, TX) and many many more!

Check out all the prints live at the Opening Night Event on September 4th, 6pm at Mugshots CoffeeHouse (21st and Fairmount, Philadelphia, PA).

I Fully Endorse The Use of This: I Park Like An Idiot bumper sticker. Get stickin’ people!

Speaking of Stickers: Pick Up Yer Poo (your dog’s that is, not your own… unless it’s on your neighbor’s lawn, then please go right ahead).

Bounce, Bounce, Yawn: Sorry Rhythmic Gymnastics, your reign as “The Silliest Olympic Event” is now over, here’s Irina Karavaev, “The Greatest Female Trampoline Gymnast!”

We’re Here to Help: How To De-Kernelize Microwave Popcorn

“Always paint the eyes last” – Philly-area artist Michele Melcher documented a fine art painting by snapping iPhone pix as she worked. Very cool!

Foodie Props: Congrats to Philly’s Adam Gertler, runners-up to Aaron McCargo on the latest Next Food Network Star. Gertler is now in L.A. shooting his own show, Will Work for Food for The Food Network. His show  will “combine his comedy with a sense of adventure.” More>

Thieving Canadians! Sad to report, punk rock legends Iggy Pop and Mike Watt had a lot of classic gear stolen in Montreal. Boo Canada! (at least it wasn’t in Philly again.)

More Daily Distractions!

Our pal Michele Melcher pointed us to this oddly enjoyable website where people post photos of life’s simple failures. Enjoy a little schadenfreude watching the world FAIL around you.

Website: www.failblog.org

Enough about failure, let’s talk success. The aformentioned Michele Melcher has an upcoming illustration exhibition at the brand spankin’ new PRIMER Microstudio! on Friday, June 6th @ 5PM in lovely Hatboro PA.

More info: www.melcherillustration.blogspot.com

Guest: Illustrator Michele Melcher. Topics: Motorcycles, Twittering = Stalking, What is an Illustrator? Mike Rowe, Ghost Hunters, Philly Roller Girls, The Bluto/Brutus Issue, Abandoned Amusement Parks, Iron Maiden. Playlist: The Boroughs, Ghosty, Fourth of July (Daytrotter Session), Writer and The Night Marchers.

Preview: “Reading through a person’s Twitter…it’s like a story that you know isn’t going anywhere.”

Play Now: http://www.usedwigs.com/pod/podcast46.mp3

Subscribe: iTunes

Website: www.usedwigsradio.com

Meconium Free and Loving It! Hi kids, I’m back in action after welcoming our second daughter into the world. She is a sweet little beauty. I must thank my lovely wife for her exceptional genetic makeup that dominated my weak-ass, recessives genes. Hooray!

Okay enough talk about cuteness and happiness and the like. Let’s get back to the nonsense that pervades our online and offline lives.

That’s Michele with One “l”: Illustrator Michele Melcher was kind enough to join our latest Podcast recording session last night (available next week) and chat about important topics like art, motorcycles, old amusement parks, Iron Maiden, twittering, Ghost Hunters and her award-winning illustration work which you should check out right now.

David’s Situation: Mr. Show’s Bob Odenkirk and David Cross returning to HBO with “David’s Situation,” a new comedy pilot starring Cross. “Cross plays himself. He leaves Hollywood to move into a suburban, gated community where he has two roommates, a right-wing conservative and a liberal hippie.”

Sounds fun to me! Looking for dated Bob and Dave news? Check out this ancient interview I did with them back in the day.

I’m The Man? No, Joe’s The Man: McG is always on top of our favorite musicians playing in the Philly Area. He’s just informed me the legendary Joe Jackson will perform a Free at Noon Concert at World Cafe Live on Friday, April 4th. Doors Open at 11:30 a.m. They also serve beer, which is quite awesome.

Mr. Jackson is touring in support of his brand-new RAIN release. Joe will be banging on the ol’ piano with the rhythm section of the original Joe Jackson Band (Graham Maby on bass and Dave Houghton on drums & vocals). He will also be playing at The Keswick that night, but it costs money.

I hope I don’t need to tell you just how fabulous Joe Jackson is. Possessing one of the most distinctive and powerful voices in popular music, his early records Look Sharp, I’m The Man and Night and Day are three near-perfect albums which melded punk rage and poignant melodies in a genre-free package. After a couple musicals diversions over the years, it seems Joe is back in vintage form.

Screw that overrated wino Billy Joel, Joe Jackson is the only true “Piano Man”. Here’s a little reminder:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akAxgDKTKC8[/youtube]