This old fella has been feeling very nostalgic lately, especially for the sweet, sweet mindless TV watching of my youth. In particular, I have been gathering a lovely batch of videos MTV played during its first few months of existence. Some fabulous, some scary bad; but oddly enough, I loved them all.

When ever you mention very early MTV in a group discussion, your loudest (and lamest) friend or coworker will no doubt jump in and ruin the conversation with, “Video Killed the Radio Start… Video Killed…!” No shit pal, that’s novice talk.

I’m not taking about the usual crap you hear hack comics discussing on VH1’s Best of The 80s (Michael Jackson, Pat Benatar, etc.). I’m talking to you — my friends and fellow Fourth-Level Dwarfs with hit points to spare — the basement-dwelling, video-obsessed music nerds who watched the once-great video channel from day one (August 1, 1981) and who thoroughly enjoyed seeing the eclectic mix of artists and songs like “No Time to Lose” by the Tarney-Spencer Band and “So Long” by Fischer Z played at least six times day, every day. MTV sure had a lot of time to fill, here are some standouts:

“We Can Get Together” by Icehouse

These guys had one of the first MTV “Triple Dips” with the song “Icehouse” on the album “Icehouse” by the band “Icehouse”. That is quite awesome.

“No Time to Lose” by the Tarney-Spencer Band

This made me want to get high and I didn’t even know what that was.

“I Got You” by Split Enz

New Zealand’s finest export put out a slew of stellar videos, this one still holds up nicely.

“Too Late” by The Shoes

Zero stage presence, but these mop tops produced some of the best melodic power pop ever. Also check out the equally brilliant “Tomorrow Night”.

“Swords of a 1000 Men” by Tenpole Tudor

So freaking bad-ass! Every Brit over the age of 30 worth his salt should know all the words to this classic drinking/sword-fight song. Also check out “Wunderbar”.

“So Long” by Fischer Z

Nothing was more fun then belting out the epic line “Why didn’t you tell me?” in that slightly affected howl. This song rules so much you might not be able to handle it. “Oooohh… you should’ve told me…”

“Guilty” by Classix Nouveaux

Here’s the most famous scary bald front man until that Midnight Oil guy dethroned him. This crazy-ass Goth extravaganza was played about twice an hour, every hour.

Donnie Iris – Ah! Leah!

While the 3 live concert videos really put him on the map, including the epic “Love is Like a Rock,” this loveable nerd enjoyed a minor hit with this ode to a lovely lass (who looks like a tranny).

“What’s He Got” by The Producers

Read review here.

“Edge of Sundown” by Danny Joe Brown and The Danny Joe Brown Band

Sit back and enjoy one of the longest guitar solos ever by multiple guitarists, also enjoy the sweet-ass ax slinging by the dude in the flowing blue tunic. No one took himself more serious than this Danny Joe Brown character.

“Sign of a Gypsy Queen” by April Wine

Three word review: “Triple Guitar Threat!”

“Calling All Girls!” by Hilly Michaels

I despise novelty songs, but this silly and saturated, rotoscoped gem has some serious charm.

“Two Triple Cheese” by Commander Cody

Ear-achingly bad, but visually interesting. Proof positive MTV had hours upon hours of time to fill.

“I Wanna Be A Lifeguard” by Blotto

Catchy. Funny. Weezer must have studied these guys.

“Pop Music” by M

You gotta love the drugged-out chick with the headphones and giant blue sweater singing back-up.

“Hold on Loosely” – 38 Special

I know, not as obscure as the others, but you can’t mention the early days of Music Television without these Wild-Eyed Southern Boys.

“So This is Love” – Van Halen

“I got myself a brand new Oakland scarf right here…” Back in 81, most bands only had live concert footage, which I preferred. Thankfully, Van Halen had a few classics ready for heavy rotation. Also see “Unchained”.

“Some of My Lies Are True” by Huey Lewis & The News

Not to be confused with their later masterpieces, J.J. Jackson and the other drug-addled Veejays played the shit out of this then little-known band, so you can blame them for their popularity. This study in early video choreography and budget effects is actually very fun to watch. Check out the running in place at the end, very athletic.

More Gems!

Unearthed Videos

Subject: MTV MEGA STAR J-WOWW TO SPEAK TO MEDIA TOMORROW REGARDING SECURITY ISSUES OF HER HOMECOMING CELEBRATION ON LONG ISLAND AFTER ALMOST RIOT
Date: January 26, 2010 4:01:53 PM EST
To: music@usedwigs.com

MTV MEGA STAR J-WOWW TO SPEAK TO MEDIA TOMORROW REGARDING SECURITY ISSUES OF HER HOMECOMING CELEBRATION ON LONG ISLAND AFTER ALMOST RIOT

MTV mega star J-Woww will be available for media commentary on Long Island reguarding security issues based on her last appearance which almost resulted in a riot.  She will be talking about the over 200 security officers that will be working with the local police department to ensure eager fans safety at her upcoming homecoming celebration taking place this week on Long Island.

Last week J-Woww, at a appearance in New Jersey, was flooded by over 5,000 people at a local nightclub causing police dressed in riot gear to take charge for the health, safety, and well being of fans.

When: Wednesday, January 27, 2010, 2pm

Where: Glo nightclub; 37 Merrick Ave,
Westbury, NY

Hmmmm? Long Island, in the middle of the week, early afternoon, short notice? Who would have the free time to attend? Ohhhhh, right… it will be packed.

First off, LOVE the giant pit stain, sir. Okay, I wish I could say this is not a fair representation Belmar, NJ, or that the network must have hired actors because these 20-somethings seem more like broad-based characters than actual sentient human beings, but no, this is the real dopey deal.

MTV producers did not have to stage any antics or coax any performances out of these always-animated, fist-pumping gorillas and perma-bronzed, high-heeled guidettes. Just watching them in their natural habitat, performing the ritual dances and aggressive mating habits is entertainment enough.

I grew up in Belmar and have witnessed the guido lifestyle from a safe distance, usually a block or two away. (“Guido” once a derogatory term used by the locals, has now been embraced by those who partake in the culture.) I lived on Tenth Ave. (the unofficial dividing line between year-rounds and rentals) and we had our fair share of rental properties crammed with these roid-enhanced interlopers from North Jersey and New York. Wiffle ball and Yankee caps all day, D’Jais and confrontations all night. Miller Lite $3 Bottles.

Oddly enough, out of all my years at the Jersey Shore (I still spend many weekends there in the Summer), I have only made verbal contact with the male species once or twice. The females wanted no part of a skinny Irish kid and I am pretty certain I have never spoken to one. The townies and the overly-tanned tourists rarely mixed, different bars, different beaches… very S. E. Hinton.

One time a giant guido grabbed me in the water and asked me to teach him and his buddies how to body surf. I obliged out of fear. An hour later only one of the three picked up the tricks and proper technique (I was amazed they were even buoyant), but they were having more fun busting each other’s balls in a very boisterous manner (read: generous amount of F-bombs) and not caring how silly they looked. I had a good time as well. They were funny guys.

Way back when, when I was always bothered by these overly-muscled miscreants,, I thought it would be fun to go to Mike’s Pizza around 4:00 am on Saturday with my friends and capture a real live guido (promised slices, a club and a large net) and then chain it up in a garage (think “38 Days Later” with the zombie captured by the evil army guys) and poke it with a stick for a while. Good clean fun. We’d release it back on to 17th and B Street the next morning. Safe in Sound, porkroll and cheese in its hand, cigarette too. Oh, and it would be tagged for later research… and maybe neutered.

My feelings have changed over the years and I have grown to enjoy them. Sure they can be a real pain in the ass — they aren’t the tidiest or quietest bunch and they can make a Sunday morning coffee run to Freedman’s or Belmar Bagels an aggravating adventure — but they keep to themselves for the most part, and the males usually only fight other males of their ilk. Usually.

Like most young people, they are just looking for some fun and a place to let loose. And dance. Their sweaty asses off. Belmar just happens to be their Shangri-La. Yay Belmar!

Sure they look ridiculous to the average “shore” person (especially the new orange-skinned breed with the Gotti Jr. haircuts, yikes!) but they make for great people watching and I will actually tune into the 24-hour horror show known as MTV for the first time in many years to gawk at the shenanigans and hum a few bars of “My Hometown” in honor.

(Thanks to fellow Belmartian Wave of The Present for the video link.)

See also:

• Man Prefers Kiddie Pool Over Beach

]]> http://usedwigs.com/mtv-guido-show/feed/ 7 http://usedwigs.com/rapper-shows-off-his-two-affordable-and-practical-vehicles-on-mtv-cribs/ http://usedwigs.com/rapper-shows-off-his-two-affordable-and-practical-vehicles-on-mtv-cribs/#comments Thu, 22 Jun 2006 00:34:47 +0000 Jeff http://www.usedwigs.com/rapper-shows-off-his-two-affordable-and-practical-vehicles-on-mtv-cribs/ Producers said the show was going well until they were led outside to check out his fleet of presumably tricked-out rides. “We were shocked, and dare I say appalled, when P-Krunk opened up his garage door and exposed two non-customized, frequently driven vehicles showing a bit of wear and tear: a 1998 Ford Windstar minivan and a 2005 Toyota Corolla.”]]>

MTV abruptly halted filming of the latest episode of “Cribs” yesterday, and plans to scrap the entire segment that featured a tour of platinum-selling rapper P-Krunk’s mansion in suburban Atlanta.

Producers said the show was going well until they were led outside to check out his fleet of presumably tricked-out rides. “We were shocked, and dare I say appalled, when P-Krunk opened up his garage door and exposed two non-customized, frequently driven vehicles showing a bit of wear and tear: a 1998 Ford Windstar minivan and a 2005 Toyota Corolla.”

Unfazed by the producers’ grimaces and gasps of disappointment and confusion, P-Krunk began a detailed tour and description of his average autos.

“Check it dawg, my minivan is mad sensible. It gets crazy gas mileage and it’s hella roomy, yo. I’m big pimpin’ when I load up my shorties and my crew and we kick it at the Mickey D’s drive-thru,” said the married, 28-year-old father of two. “Gotsta have the removable back seat too, so me and my boo can be loading up bags of garden mulch and manure at Home Depot.”

The rapper carefully wiped down the exterior of his minivan — gently cleaning some dirt off the “My Child Is an Honor Student at Peach Tree Prep” bumper sticker — with a chamois and moved on to his “main ride.”

“You feeling my Corolla?” P-Krunk queried as he relaxed in the cloth-covered driver’s seat of the moderately priced, four-door, gray family sedan and played with the small plastic knobs of his factory-installed AM/FM radio with cassette and single CD player. “I like my B.Seigs & Freeway playing at a low, pleasant volume so I can pay attention to the roadeezy fo’ sheezy.” The bass was definitely not humping his face as the tinny hip-hop songs barely trickled out of the two standard three-inch speakers mounted in the gray plastic dashboard.

When a cameraman pointed out that the car was missing a hubcap, the rapper laughed and said, “No big thang, nothing a twenty-spot can’t fix down at the junk yard.”

Asked if he plans on buying more expensive performance cars or a giant Hummer like many of his newly rich contemporaries in the near future, P-Krunk quickly responded, “Ten grand for rims? No my brother, this baller is hanging on to his paper. I don’t need to be rollin’ on dubs to represent and I sho’ as shizzle don’t plan on being a broke-ass bitch this time next year. Who do I look like, Hammer?”

“Cribs” segment producer Jonah Rothelsberg explained the reasoning behind shelving the show. “I appreciate P-Krunk’s unique taste, but we have a responsibility to our young viewers and advertisers to show the real lifestyles that are true to the artist’s genre of music. A rapper who doesn’t capriciously spend all his money on cars and 100-inch plasmas is an anomaly that strains credibility. Our viewers would think we made this up or were trying to punk them.” Rothelsberg cleared his throat and continued with a grin in a fake urban patois, “Sorry playa, my homies just ain’t havin’ it.”

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