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Looks like Joe Blanton has been catnapping while Cole Hamels is super busy being pumped up!

Let’s Go Phils!

More: Philadelphia Puke Monster

Got to give him points for restraint, he could have gone with his full name Peter.

I saw this gem in a display of old baseball cards at a Philly’s kid’s museum, made me chuckle. I remember this guy well (yes, I’m ancient) mainly because his dad is Peter Marshall, the original host of Hollywood Squares, who was also a LaCock before he headed to Hollywood (from Canada) and had the good sense to change his name.

Sadly, I could not find a card for his old teammate, Bob McDong.

Phils in phive.

Interview: Bryan Poole from Of Montreal. Topics: Hooray for America, Todd Loves Sports, Pop Culture Overload, Potholder Scarf and Doilies, Phillies Phever, Todd’s God Complex, Right Brain/Left Brain Jobs, Robot Lawyers, Bad Movies and Obama Doodles. Playlist: The Sea and Cake, French Miami, Of Montreal, Tim Fite and Jon Snodgrass.

Preview: “Does that make us squares?”

Play Now: http://www.usedwigs.com/pod/podcast55.mp3

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Website: www.usedwigsradio.com

Great to see my man Jamie Moyer and his 32 children. Jamie went to St. Joe’s University (back in the 30s) and so did I (little later). When the flatbed drove by, we locked eyes (Hawks can spot each other in crowds) and gave each other a small flap of our Hawk wings. A tear rolled down my cheek. All was right in the world. Go Phils! Almost forgot… Chase, Ryan, Cole, Jason, Harry Kalas… much more handsome in person.

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… and don’t forget the hero of the NL series: Matt Stairs and His Mustache

Porcelain Suffers Crushing Defeat: I like Kevin Smith a lot (the man, not his movies), he’s a funny no-bullshit kind of guy and a very informed movie reviewer. So I’m sad to hear (and see!) just how obese he has gotten. Smith recently broke a toilet. Ooof! Pull it together Kev, quit the pot, hit the gym and put some photos of Chris Farley and John Candy on your fridge.

Crystal Ball: The Onion predicted Joe The Plumber back in 93.

Looting: Phillie fans = small time. Republicans = BIG TIME!

Pumped Up! Listen to Phil’s announcer Harry Kalas make the final call while watching Chris Wheeler’s awesomely aerobic and silent celebration.

“Why is he swinging a pocket watch in front of our faces?” Beware: Barack Obama’s speeches contain the hypnosis techniques! Looks like he’ll get at least 33 Million votes.

Hear More Seymour: Brian Seymour celebrates the Phils victory on Saturday night, Nov 1st:  Fergie’s Pub – 1214 Sansom St. – 9-11pm – one long set, don’t be late.

Photabulous! Wildlife Photographer of the Year winners announced

I Spy with My Little Eye: Learn how to build and use tiny surveillance devices!

I Smell Scam: Philly fix my car! Maybe not, you decide.

Halloween Warning: Scaring Tyrone is not a good idea.

Free MP3: I love Fucked Up’s new CD The Chemistry of Common Life. You will too.  Download MP3: “Twice Born” [via Matador]

Don’t You Dare:

Juno – You think it will be so cute to go as the hoodie-wearing, quip-spewing pregnant teen and her dorky boyfriend in the calculated dorky retro gym outfit, right? So does every other couple on the planet. Avoid the urge.

Sarah Palin - Sarah the Hunter, Sarah the Pageant Contestant, Sarah the Porn Star, all lame… very, very lame. You’ll be swimming in a sea of Palins. Uck.

“Mad Men” character – “Yeah, look at me! I’m smoking… my hair is slicked back… my sweater’s tight… my lips are really red… and I really do work in advertising…” Ugh.  Soap opera + advertising people = insufferable.

Iron Man – Unless you’re under the age of 12 or can actually build a costume that can fly and blow shit up, don’t do it. Very hard to pee, also.

Elisabeth Hasselbeck – This is for your own safety. Someone might punch you… a few times.

The Joker – Inevitably, some joker (literally) will be dressed as the Batman nemesis carrying around some pills… too sad… too soon.

Travis Barker on Fire – Not sure how you’d even pull that off, so don’t. Fake paper flames are so weak.

Joe The Plumb… – Please don’t. He’s already forgotten.

Please Do:

“Hope” Poster – Support Obama while having fun. Apply “Hope” poster to poster board, cut out head hole, paint your face and hair red, off-white and blue then stick you melon through the hole.

“No Country for Old Men” Guy – Grab a jean jacket, put on a psychotic dead stare and get a wig that resembles the sweet long locks Javier Bardem sports in the film. Quietly threaten people all night long.

Brooke Hogan – Big guys only.

The Jonas Brothers - Petite ladies only.

David Duchovny - Easy one fellas: Dress like Mulder, look sullen and fashion a large erection in your pants. Hit on everyone.

Charlie Manuel – Everyone’s love the Phillie’s skipper! Just place a teeny-tiny Phillies cap (maybe, the ice cream cup version) on top of your large head of whitened hair (baby powder), jam a couple pillows in gut area of a tight baseball uniform, and insert piece of straw in mouth to hammer home the lovable southern boy motif. Expect lots of hugs.

Raffaello Follieri – Time to bust out your Italian accent and old-timey, striped prison outfit. Hold photo of Anne Hathaway so people get the joke right away.

“The Love Guru” -  Absolutely no one saw the movie, but don’t let that stop you. Bonus: you can revive your awesome Austin Powers accent too! Like I said, no one saw it and will know the difference.

Miley and Billy Ray - Make sure to maximize creep factor by sucking face the entire time at party.

Hans and Franz – This oldie-but-never-a-goodie is back! It’s so lame, it’s gotta be funny.

2009 List: Halloween Costume Dos and Don’ts 2009

12 major league clubs, 1 awesome “Power Stash.” Nice shot, big fella. Go Phils!