Move Over Roloffs: Word on the street is TLC is dumping the borefest Roloff family and signing up lovely little 14-year-old Jyoti Amge for her own show. Just in time, looks like the twins are about to fail out of high school and no one wants to watch them kicking pumpkins around their dilapidated farm for the rest of their lives.

Jyoti is 1ft. 11 inches tall of blinged-out confidence. She totally rules, but did they really have to put her next to a water bottle to make their point? We get it. She’s small.

Just Stop. My Daily Writing Tip just told me to stop doing something I always do… damn you Daily Writing Tip!

In almost every case, striking out the word “just” will make a sentence stronger. It tends to make you sound either desperate when applied to yourself (“I just wondered if you could…”) or demanding when applied to the other person (“If you would just…”).

Perhaps you’d like to see some more proof why I’m a horrible writer. Really. It’s quite good.

Get Your Sexy Retro Tupperware Fix: Philly’s favorite thespians at 1812 Productions keep pumping out the fine antic entertainment. Check out “Suburban Love Songs” at the Plays & Players Theatre. It runs through April 27th.

Download Free MP3: “15th of August” (MP3) by Canadians. Think Teenage Fanclub meets Swervedriver in a lush Italian villa.

I’m Going to Jail: I’m guilty of about 236 counts of this heinous crime. Pray for me. (At least I keep the jewel cases.)

Um, why does my schnitzel have vomit all over it? Because it’s served on a rollercoaster, silly.