Move Over Roloffs: Word on the street is TLC is dumping the borefest Roloff family and signing up lovely little 14-year-old Jyoti Amge for her own show. Just in time, looks like the twins are about to fail out of high school and no one wants to watch them kicking pumpkins around their dilapidated farm for the rest of their lives.

Jyoti is 1ft. 11 inches tall of blinged-out confidence. She totally rules, but did they really have to put her next to a water bottle to make their point? We get it. She’s small.

Just Stop. My Daily Writing Tip just told me to stop doing something I always do… damn you Daily Writing Tip!

In almost every case, striking out the word “just” will make a sentence stronger. It tends to make you sound either desperate when applied to yourself (“I just wondered if you could…”) or demanding when applied to the other person (“If you would just…”).

Perhaps you’d like to see some more proof why I’m a horrible writer. Really. It’s quite good.

Get Your Sexy Retro Tupperware Fix: Philly’s favorite thespians at 1812 Productions keep pumping out the fine antic entertainment. Check out “Suburban Love Songs” at the Plays & Players Theatre. It runs through April 27th.

Download Free MP3: “15th of August” (MP3) by Canadians. Think Teenage Fanclub meets Swervedriver in a lush Italian villa.

I’m Going to Jail: I’m guilty of about 236 counts of this heinous crime. Pray for me. (At least I keep the jewel cases.)

Um, why does my schnitzel have vomit all over it? Because it’s served on a rollercoaster, silly.

It’s sad when a show starts off strong and gets worse with each episode (ahem… Torchwood). Take Little People, Big World for instance, after a dozen or so episodes of the first season we all understood how life is different when you’re small.

It was neat to see them all doing their thing and being real (not acting or playing to the camera), but it should have ended after season one.

Hold it, scratch that, the season two trebuchet accident (wonderful parenting skills) where the creepy old guy (the ever-present family friend) and li’l Jacob get clunked on the head with a giant piece of ancient machinery was pretty surreal and fun to watch (sorry, but it was).

Once the pumpkins stopped flying, the show was all downhill.

Now they are simply an all-too-aware reality family with not a lot going on. A few months ago I described them as:

“The mother is just another soccer-mom nag, the dad is just a little too aware he is on camera (we get it, you are busy but still a great dad) and the three boys are just plain dumb… and do nothing all day but kick a soccer ball around the yard, punch each other and wear lame hats.”

This still holds true.

The mom must always be the center of attention, “Let me play paint ball with the boys, let me play, let me play… Ow, I can’t believe you shot me… 50 times square in the face!”

The twin boys are still lazy teens who hate book learnin’ and like sleeping. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t make for great viewing. [Begin Speculation] We’re pretty certain one of them is gay, but the producers don’t go there because that would be a bit too real. These are good Christian folks. [End Speculation] To be fair, the leg-straightening operation for the little one was solid TV, but they dragged the thing out for multiple episodes.

I’m not sure what the daughter is like because they give her absolutely no air time. I think she wants to go to college far far away from home.

Like many shows in this genre, the producers suggest things for the family to do (build a pool, buy a new soccer ball, eat a sandwich) and/or send them on trips just to get some action going. Something a tad more interesting than watching old dad work on his car or ignore his dilapidated backyard amusement park for the umpteenth time. Do you enjoy watching your friends home movies? If so, watch the three episodes from last year’s vacation where the family sat around on an island for a couple weeks. They got tan and ate food. The girls even went shopping. It was must see TV at its best.

Anyway, it looks like the producers might have slipped the dad, Matt Roloff, a mickey or two when he was out to dinner last year because he was brought up on drunk driving charges. Or maybe, it just might have been St. Matt downing a few red wines and hitting the streets again. Back in 2003, he was charged with driving under the influence of intoxicants.

The whole sordid mess will be dealt with during the new season which starts tonight, March 3, on TLC. It might be worth watching again. I’ll tune in and let ya know. FYI, the DUI verdict has already come down but I won’t spoil it here.

Speaking of people who LOVE attention, after the Little show, stick around for a new Jon & Kate Plus 8, where you get to see the “I want my own talk show in the baddest way” Kate belittle her husband for a half hour. You will never see a man more happy to leave the house in the morning than poor Jon. Would love to see “Jon – Kate = Great” spinoff.