With our schools being overrun with Sophias, Emmas, Jacobs and Ethans, finding new inspiration for naming our children is a must. Look no further than the safe confines of your home. Just open up the cabinets! Smucker Pam Beano Dyson Oral B. Cremora Flonase Ortega Comet Summer Eve Stouffer Drano Brawny Baco Dixie Monistat 7 [...]

“I was so excited to meet all these cool people! There is a great mix of kids in the club… jocks, cheerleaders, student body officers and lots of other popular kids. I never knew there were so many people into Scrabble word games, anagrams and etymology. It’s great! I even met a really nice girl and we are going on a date this Saturday night. I can’t wait…”

I’m pretty certain the Internet will blow up soon, and with that, millions upon million of nonsense-filled webpages and countless gigs of nut-punching videos will be lost forever. Sad, but it’s inevitable.
That’s why I gathered up some of my favorite musings from this website and put them in book form. They shall be preserved for the future generation of belligerent, ferocious apes who will one day enslave all humans and rule the earth… and learn to read. In that exact order. So, that’s why this book is staring you in the face. It’s for the apes.

After 26 months of almost 100-percent inactivity, OviTech Solutions’ office shower has been designated the new official storage area for copy paper, file folders and presentation binders. Office manager Pam Superstein made the announcement in an intra-office email.

Headlines ripped from the pages of our book Quality Workday Distractions, available now for gift giving! Remember, comedian Jim Gaffigan says, “UsedWigs.com is like the bacon of the internet. Mmm. UsedWigs.”

Reality lifestyle channel TLC is throwing its hat in the home improvement ring and doing so in a very aggressive manner. The channel’s new show “DIY Disaster Rescue!” will send a host and a work crew to “fix” home improvement projects already done by shows on the DIY network.

Our book “Quality Workday Distraction” is now available on Amazon and I am very excited. I just hi-fived the photos of Noam Chomsky and Matt Rolloff on my wall… anyway… I know some of you have purchased and even skimmed through the book (we all go potty now and then, am I right people?), so would you be so kind to write a small review on my Amazon page:

“The first time I went to get Scott, around 11:00am on a rainy Tuesday, he was a bit timid and groggy. I think he just woke up. But after a little coffee and some playtime together (Rock Band: The Beatles, Daily News Jumble), he really perked up and seemed to like me.” Said a very pleased Anna.

[NOTE: This quessay is cross-posted on HuffingtonPost.com] *Big ups to Crispin Glover, who really should’ve run for president this year, and who once wrote an “essay” called “What Is It?” composed only of questions, with a subtly discernible anti-Steven Spielberg thrust to it. Subtly discernible, the way the media’s anti-Hillary Clinton bias is subtle. I’m [...]

Broken stop signs don’t just fix themselves. It takes a well-oiled machine firing on all cylinders to get the job done. You need the right tools, expert planning, unflagging dedication and in the city of Philadelphia, at least 8 members of their Public Works Streets Department crew. With a solid six hours scheduled for the [...]