What are the necessary aims of a good topical Facebook status update? It should entertain, delight, challenge, blow a mind or two. This is all about realizing and fully accepting that Facebook is a stage, and we’re all players.

The Ultimate Washington Insider got past security once again (with a hypnotizing pocket watch) and hobnobbed with an odd bunch of major and minor celebs and a gaggle of ugly old politicians and talking heads at The White House Correspondents’ Dinner (The snarks call it “Nerd Prom”). And yes, of course, Ricky Schroeder and the [...]

Guests: Jim Gladstone and SM Shrake. Topics: The Outsiders, Kegs and Party Balls, Scaring Orphans, Favorite Stuff of 2008, Philly Boy Roy, Emo Philips, The Pretenders, Records and 45s, Podcast-killing Technical Difficulties. Playlist: Friendly Foes, Little Jackie, The Hush Now, The Futureheads and Cliff Hillis. Preview: “Third Rock from The Sun is my favorite …

Pt. 1: Why We Are Cousins EXPECTATIONS MANAGEMENT NOTE: This is not a parody like others you’ve seen on UsedWigs. It’s not supposed to be funny. This is real. Fact: My grandmother’s maiden name was Heath. Fact: Sarah Palin’s maiden name is Heath. Republican-style fact synthesis: That makes us cousins! Jealous? From having a shared [...]

Topics: Russ Likes Sex and The City, “Ultimate Washington Insider” SM Shrake, The Count Censored, Smartass Darth Vader, Going Acoustic and The Bon Jovi Effect, Night Ranger, RCRD LBL. Playlist: Ninja Gun, Sparky Dog. Preview: “You may or may not know, but you can’t tell what a puppet is saying by reading its lips…” Play [...]

First of all, hiiii! I always like to give a warm Southern welcome to my readers, y’all! As some of you who follow my exploits know, I’m working like a rented mule to become the Ultimate Washington Insider (UWI), which is not easy when you’re looking down the barrel of the big Five-O, do not [...]

I get it so often, and I got ‘nem ol’ Mitteilungszwang again Mama! Mitteilungszwang is German for “the need to tell something.” I seldom do anything about it. But tonight, white wine spritzer in hand, laundry in machine down in ‘nem basement, headphones on, a song is opening up a …

[NOTE: This quessay is cross-posted on HuffingtonPost.com] *Big ups to Crispin Glover, who really should’ve run for president this year, and who once wrote an “essay” called “What Is It?” composed only of questions, with a subtly discernible anti-Steven Spielberg thrust to it. Subtly discernible, the way the media’s anti-Hillary Clinton bias is subtle. I’m [...]