Interview: Kyp Malone

Topics: Man Chins, Pangaea Beer, Smokey and The Bandit, Shuttered Businesses, Haggling, Car Buying Tips, Scary Movie Trivia, Russ Gets Trapped in a Cave!

Playlist: The Lawrence Arms, The Swimmers, TV on the Radio, Rain Machine and Alkaline Trio.

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Photos: Halloween and more sexiness!

Sometimes big stars bail out after a movie franchise has peaked or is on the decline. Which in most cases, is a smart career move. This departure usually does not dissuade the producers from making more sequels and wringing out every possible straight-DVD-dollar they can. So they get a star who kind of looks like the original actor, in the case of the new Underworld, Rhona Mitra stars, and in the proper darkened light she looks enough like our gal Kate.

This got me thinking back to some of the other “Head Fake” movie posters I’ve seen and enjoyed.  Here are a few of my favorite deceptions.

Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

Okay no more Vin Diesel or that that Tyrese model guy, but at least Paul Walker and his chiseled square head are back in this one… wait a minute!

This is textbook “head fakery” right here: Place the actors way in the background, looking all teeny and tiny and just unrecognizable enough for some foolery. At a quick glance, sure, that’s Paul Walker! And look it’s Xzibit, the drummer from Rage Against the Machine, Dustin Hoffman and Halle Berry too! Sweet!

Cruel Intentions 2

Ooooh… another “Cruel Intentions”! Loved the original, but what, no Reese, Ryan or Sarah? Oh well, at least Pacey is still in this one…

Wha…? That’s not the esteemed thespian Joshua Jackson! That’s a Pacey Fakey! How dare they. Oh well, I’ll still watch. Most cheesy sequels like this involving no-name teen actors make up for the lack of star power with some good old-fashioned nudity… lots of it.

George of the Jungle 2

Best head fake in years. This is not Brendan Fraser, really it’s not. It’s another lunkhead actor named Christopher Showerman. Kudos to you “George” franchise!

Caddyshack II

Whoa boy, this is one of the worst slices of celluloid ever screened. There is also some major league fakery going on here in the poster. Let’s take a look:

First off,  Chevy Chase is in the film for a fleeting fart break and then he’s gonzo. Secondly, that’s Dan Aykroyd in the Bill Murray role, another common fakery ploy: use another actor of a similar style (SNL alum) and maybe the audience won’t notice or care. In this case, we certainly did notice. Aykroyd gives the single most unfunny performance ever filmed… well, until that chef Emeril Lagasse got a sitcom (remember that?).

Back to the poster, that’s not our beloved Rodney either, it’s another old Borscht Belt comedian, Jackie Mason. Much like Aykroyd, he stinks up the joint. Lastly, you might see Mr. Comedy Death himself, Jonathan Silverman sticking his dumb head in there. Enough said. Oh, and I have no idea why Tom Arnold is there wearing hockey gear.

Smokey and the Bandit Part 3

The poster says “And The Bandit is At It Again!” and Burt Reynolds as we all know, is “The Bandit.” So Burt has to be in the movie, right? Of course. They wouldn’t dare make a “Smokey and The Bandit” film without that sexy hairball Burt. I guess that’s him flying the helicopter. Oh that crazy Bandit!

Okay, back to this century.

Daddy Day Camp

Note to Cuba Gooding, Jr. from producer: “Yo Cube, we’re doing a photo shoot for the movie poster today, make Eddie Murphy faces, lots of them, especially the Buckwheat one.”

Note to designer from producer: “Please reshape Cuba’s round head into a more narrow Eddie Murphy kind. Also, for the credits, make the lettering real small, like 6-point type.”

American Pie Presents Band Camp

Wow, no one left except Stifler. What, that’s not Stifler? Who gives a shit. Good to see Eugene Levy has shed that nagging self respect thing other actors care dearly about.

Bring It on Again

Standard issue black girl and white girl, wearing cheering outfits. Looks like the original cast to me. But we better investigate. Hmmm… the white girl on the poster has her mouth closed so I can’t see if she has the same gnarly choppers as Spidey’s girlfriend who was in the first go-around. I might have to watch the movie to find out, better yet, I’ll watch the other sequel starring that midget from “Heroes.”

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd

Yes, this guy looks a lot like Jim Carrey, but you were a real ass if you thought this was actually him. Sadly, many people did.

Jaws 2

Um, this is so not the original Jaws. The first guy had nicer teeth.

I know I missed a lot of these, this is just a start. Please let me know of some other good ones in the comment section below!

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