Det. Benson: “Captain, we’ve got a situation. A lady in the Bronx just patty-caked an S.O.S. to Pitter-Patter from her handheld! She is being attacked by a sex criminal. She asked her Pitter-Patter followers to contact SVU for her, and we’ve been getting dozens of frantic patty-cakes at @sexyvictims.”

Use Twitter as a convenient vessel for humoring yourself during the day, a little joke feed if you will. In seconds you can set up a Twitter account and follow some of your favorite comedians. Successful comedians work at night and have all afternoon to waste. When they’re not bothering their agents about roles they didn’t get, they tweet. A lot.

Michael Jackson: Hyperbaric oxygen chamber stocks plummeted this morning. OR The Thriller video, now 12% spookier.
Les Paul: Les is no more.
Farrah Fawcett: Farrah had a killer ass.
Billy Mays: There will never be another Billy Mays, mostly due to lack of interest.
Oral Roberts: Today, lying lost one of its greatest champions.
Ed McMahon: Now, only 25% of [...]

Good Buzz: Ted Leo’s debut CD on Matador Records will be called ‘The Brutalist Bricks” and will be available on March 9, 2010. Can’t wait til then to get your Ted on? Well, read this and grab the following freebie below. I’ve been a big fan of Ted’s since his Chisel days, he’s a master [...]

I enjoy Twitter but I try to ignore most tweeting group activities. I did however have some free time this past Saturday night (okay, every Saturday night) and partook in the nonsense that swept the Twitter nation: #oneletteroffmovies

Here are three magically easy ways to keep up with the nonsense:
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You pals at UsedWigs Radio now have a Twitter machine that doles out FREE MP3s of stellar music you most certainly will enjoy. Updated daily! Follow us and your life will sound so much better:

Get ‘em: twitter.com/FreebieMP3

Looks Wild: I like Spike Jonze and trust him with the ”Where the Wild Things Are” screen adaption, so does Maurice Sendak. That’s good news for fans of both. More>

Share Music with Twitter: Ever want to post a song clip via Twitter to show everyone just how magnificent your musical taste is? This little Twitter [...]

What are the necessary aims of a good topical Facebook status update? It should entertain, delight, challenge, blow a mind or two. This is all about realizing and fully accepting that Facebook is a stage, and we’re all players.

Twitter, the popular micro-blogging site made popular by Ashton Kutcher, will be unveiling a slew of new features when its highly-anticipated “version 2.0″ debuts next month.