Tonight on Your Local News!

By Jeff on Dec 16, 2009 in Gift Ideas, Lists, News | Comments

Headlines ripped from the pages of our book Quality Workday Distractions, available now for gift giving! Voted "Best Gift Ever" by this site.

Inventor Kid Invents Useless Piece of Crap!
Disturbing Hidden Camera Footage Reveals Local Health Club Still Playing Fabulous Thunderbirds Videos!
Cancer Awareness Bracelets Found to Cause Cancer!
‘Real World’ Cast Member Dies During ‘Gauntlet’ Event, Doctor Determines Cause of Death to Be Old Age!
$400 in Singles Later, Man Still Thinks He Has a Pretty Good Shot with Stripper!
Next on ‘Lost’: Entire Episode Devoted to Sawyer’s T-Shirt’s Backstory!
NBC’s Dateline Catches Last Predator, Internet Now Completely Safe!
99% of Indians Polled Find Gay Cowboy Movie Very Realistic!
Rogue Second Life Avatar Creates Third Life, Where He Plays a Bald, Overweight Accountant with 3 Kids!
Trader Joe’s Employee Goes from ‘Very Friendly’ to ‘Very Irritating’ in a Matter of Seconds!
Rabid Sports Fan Hits Rock Bottom, Joins Fantasy Paintball League!
Kevin Costner and a Really Bad Premise Team Up Once Again for New Movie!
Rick James’ Ghost Assaults Two Women; Smokes Crack!
‘Are You Fatter Than a Fifth Grader?’ Gets Green Light on FOX!
Ironic T-Shirts Clash at SXSW Festival, Thousands of Feelings Reported Hurt!
NYC Rats Consider Stomach Stapling to Deal with Rising Obesity Problem!
Thousands of Viewers Reported Sick After ‘The View’ Goes High Def!
Americans Look Forward to Not Giving a Shit about Olympic Swimming for another Four Years!
Forensic Experts Reveal Footprints Were Not God’s; You Were in Fact, Walking Alone during Your Most Troublesome Times!
Jim Belushi Searches Fruitlessly Online for ‘According to Jim’ Save Our Show Campaign!
Microsoft Employees Brace for Severe Backlash from Their Disappointed Kids Upon Receipt of Zunes Instead of iPods on Christmas Morning!
Misplaced Script Found in Martin Scorsese’s Eyebrows 20 Years Later!
Hulk Hogan’s Daughter Tests Positive for Gamma Radiation!
Madonna Adopts Child in Africa, Buys Matching Luggage in Paris!
Paula Deen Caught Eating an Entire Stick of Butter While Filming Cooking Show!
Traffic Copter Crashes to Earth, Fiery Carnage Causes Eastbound Delays!
After Years of Living a Lie, Lead Singer of Toto Admits He’s Never Really Been to Africa!
Despite Numerous Requests, Il Divo Still Refuses to Sing “Whip It” in Concert!
Child Lost When Mother Over-Mulches Garden Bed, Massive Search Continues!
Suge Knight ‘Punk’d’ Episode Goes Horribly Wrong; Cast and Crew Found Dead!
World Record Set at Spring Training Baseball Game for ‘Longest Group Yawn!’