Vulcan Appears on Food Network

By on Jun 16, 2008 in Daily Distractions, Movies, News, Podcast, Time Wasters | 7 Comments

The latest installment of “The Next Food Network Star” is featuring a real, live Vulcan and that’s great news for the numerous special interest groups that lobby for more diversity on TV.

The female Vulcan named “Lisa Garza” plans to win the competition and defeat her human opponents by using her superior reasoning and logic skills and peppering her food with a rack of celestial spices she brought from her home planet of Vulcan.

Her culinary point of view? “I wish to prepare edible food in an efficient manner that will deliver nutrients to Humans and Vulcans alike in a pleasing and satisfying style.” Garza said as she quickly diced a cucumber with one hand and de-boned an an entire Cornish Game Hen with the other.

“I’ve won some smaller intergalactic competitions sponsored by the United Federation of Planets, and this earth-based victory will definitely add to my ongoing education and skill set. I’m only 127 years old and I really want to open my own place while I am still young. I’m thinking a Vulcan/Asian fusion place in San Fran or my home province of Raal.”

When one of the judges asked if she left much behind at home, Garza responded, “I just got out of a bad pon farr (Vulcan mating period) and concentrating on this show will be good for me.”

Being a Vulcan, Garza had to promise not to employ any of her Vulcan abilities that would give her an edge. “It’s weird because using a mind meld or my telepathy is just who I am, and it will be hard to stop, but I guess this is what I must do in order to compete fairly with an inferior race.”

Asked if she was nervous, Garza responded:

“I will not let emotions get in the way because as a Vulcan, I have none.”

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  • ronnie

    haha, this is fantastically true!

  • ronnie

    haha, this is fantastically true!

  • Ann

    I was thinking the same thing when I first saw her

  • Ann

    I was thinking the same thing when I first saw her

  • Jeff Lyons

    I did not like her at first, and oddly enough, I like her a lot now. I want to strangle that little blonde imp though… I actually mute the TV when she opens her trap. That said, I want McCargo to win.

  • Jeff Lyons

    I did not like her at first, and oddly enough, I like her a lot now. I want to strangle that little blonde imp though… I actually mute the TV when she opens her trap. That said, I want McCargo to win.

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