| "We
love Korea, we love Korea!" |
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Argentina's
Soccer Team Falls in Love with Korea,
Decides to Stay
Seoul,
South Korea - "I know we've only
been here a couple of weeks, but I have
completely fallen in love with Korea,
its people and its rich culture. I will
definitely be living here for the foreseeable
future," beamed Argentinean superstar
Gabriel Batistuta.
"The World Cup may be over for us,
but my new life in this beautiful land
has just begun."
Team
manager (coach) Marcelo
Bielsa agreed, "I know
it seems kind of strange, but I really
do love this country (as well as Japan)
and am excited about staying here for
a very long time. I really like the
food too!"
Bielsa,
Batistuta and the 16 other national
team members have all decided to stay
put in Korea and are all currently shopping
for homes, many are even thinking about
adopting Korean names. "I just
think new Korean sounding names would
help us assimilate more easily,"
said Argentina's captain Juan
Vernon.
All
members have assured us that their sudden
relocation plans have nothing to do
with their early and ignominious ousting
from the first round of the World Cup
and fear of being killed once they return
home by the hundreds of thousands of
insanely angry fans currently rioting
in the streets.
Country
Eagerly Awaits Team's Arrival
Many predicted Argentina — the
nation that has produced such stars
as Alfredo di Stefano and Diego Maradona
— would win the prestigious FIFA
World Cup for the third time. But after
only three games — a win, a loss
and a draw — the international
powerhouse was sent packing, shocking
an entire nation of perfervid football
fanatics.
Eduardo
Duhalde,
the president of Argentina, plays downs
the rumors that he ordered the killing
of the team once they land at the airport.
"No, no no… such silly talk.
We are a bit disappointed in their performance
and are taking quiet a ribbing from
our dear neighbor Brazil, but by no
means do we wish the team harm. Our
people just want them to come home quickly
in order to thank them for their gallant
effort."
When
asked what he thought of the throngs
of people burning their national team
jerseys and parading burning effigies
of the team members through the streets
of Buenos Aires, Duhalde replied, "No,
no, no… you see these are not angry
riots at all. It just happens to be
festival time here in our country. Yes,
yes, it's… um… Muchacho
del Fuego Festival. We all
burn our favorite clothes and honor
our idols with fire. It is much fun,
lots of dancing, singing and of course,
fabulous food…"
Duhalde was suddenly interupted as a
flaming soccer ball, with the inscription,
"Queremos las cabezas!"
ball came crashing through the window
of his barracaded palace.
Back
in the safe confines of Seoul, the team
manager admitted he was not aware of
such a festival and was sorry he would
miss it, "Yes, sounds like a good
time, but I think I will pass and just
get some kimch'i and shinsollo with
my new friends and countrymen. Ahnyounghee-gyeseyo!"
Theodore
Gumbrill
Sports
Reporter
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