Black & Decker's new promo photo:
"Hang with Our New Tools" |
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Black & Decker Sign "American Idol" Hosts to Endorsement Deal
Hollywood - America’s most popular power tool manufacturer announced today the signing of Brian Dunkleman and Ryan Seacrest, the two hosts of Fox Television’s popular "American Idol: The Search for a Superstar," as their new spokesmen.
Advertising analysts are touting this deal as "perfect synergy," where tools meet tools. "Who better to have the two biggest tools on TV as their spokesmen than America’s most popular tool company!" said Black & Decker director of marketing Sid Axelrod. "It’s a beautiful thing."
"Everywhere I went during the past few weeks I kept hearing about these two giant tools on TV. My kids talked about them. The ladies in the office talked about them. All the chatters in my chat rooms talked about them. I thought maybe Bosch had made a sweet product placement deal supplying nail guns and rotary sanders for some sadistic stunt on ‘Dog Eat Dog.’ But then I watched the ‘American Idol’ show and was immediately floored by what giant tools those two guys actually are!"
"Not since ‘Home Improvement’ was canceled have tools had such a prominent role on any network show," Axelrod continued. "Sure, Craftsman has Bob Vila as a spokesperson, but Brian and Ryan are much more appropriate. I realize these two pandering idiots can’t tell a joke, look like 90120 castoffs and are pretty much despised by the viewing public, but that is exactly what makes a tool… a tool."
Going Commercial
In an unprecidentented move, Black & Decker signed the two hosts to a four-month deal, even though most experts agree the two will immediately be forgotten when the show ends next month.
"Picture if you will, the slogan, ‘Today's Tools are No Match for Black and Decker.’ said a very excited Axelrod. "The commercial will have the two guys stuffed in one big wrestling singlet and have them battle giant robotic jigsaws, drills and sanders. All of the action will take place in a big ol’ toolbox. Our giant robo-tools kick the crap of Brian and Ryan. Everyone rejoices and we got a hit on our hands..."
Asked if the two hosts agreed to the concept, Axelrod responded, "Let's just say they’re happy we nixed our original idea: shredding their ridiculous Chandler-esque hair styles with our Grass Hog® 12" Cordless Trimmer/Edger."
Announcement of the deal was bad news for Carson Daly, who until "American Idol" debuted, was under consideration for the role of Black & Decker spokesperson. Daly's management expressed disappointment that the deal fell through but hinted that serious negotiations with Oscar Meyer were ongoing.
Natalia Rossovich
Wigs Business Reporter
Demian Payton
Infotainment Reporter
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