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What Would Jesus Do...
For a Million Dollars?
PAX TV Network has decided to jump in the reality-show game, and has gotten its inspiration from the network's own Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Capitalizing on the popularity of the "What Would Jesus Do?" and "What Would Jesus Drive?" spiritual campaigns and the spate of popular reality-based programming, PAX TV will debut a new show where the most pious pilgrims can win some righteous bucks.
The show, What Would Jesus Do... For a Million Dollars? (WWJDFAMD?), will put twelve white, God-fearing Midwesterners – PAX TV's target demographic – on an ark situated atop Mount Ararat, Turkey for 40 days and 40 nights. Their job is to emulate the Son of God to the best of their ability while competing against their fellow Christian soldiers for a $1 million cash prize.
Ark dwellers will take part in a series of "tests" and "spiritual challenges." One exciting episode has the contestants fighting off invaders from the local heathen populace. Another has the contestants redecorating their neighbor's cabins. For some light-hearted fun, a "Manna-Eating Contest" and a "NASCAR-Trivia Competition" will also be featured.
Each week, two contestants who are seen as not leading a good Christian life will be excommunicated from (voted off) the ark by the group members. In keeping with authentic reality-show tradition, there will be a confessional where contestants can air their opinions and discuss whether the other players are respecting or disrespecting them.
For an added element of intrigue, one of the WWJDFAMD? contestants will be "The Asp," PAX TV's answer to ABC's "The Mole." The Asp will try to lure the others into sinful activities such as neighbor coveting, gambling and modern-art viewing. The network believes this type of televised confrontation is "good for the soul."
The hour-long show will run for six weeks and will be hosted by PAX TV superstar Billy Ray Cyrus. "Don't know why they asked me to host. Shucks, I'm just a good ol' country boy," demurred the be-mulleted, achy-breaky-hearted hunk. "But when the Lord, or the network, calls, I'm there!" Cyrus will mingle with the cast during their daily activities and act as a Christ figure that will dole out advice and frequently pass a collection plate.
Competing for a cash prize might not seem like a Jesus-approved pastime, but the show's producers feel cash will draw in viewers and intensify the level of competition. Producer Joseph Parks adds, "The million dollars is nice, but the real prize is an official guarantee of eternal salvation – not to mention a year's supply of delicious Jimmy Dean brand Sausage Patties."
Viewer Feedback is Positively Divine
Test audiences are raving about the show. "I loved it when the losers of the 'Tug of Peace' contest had to wash the feet of the winners," said Gail Riley of Wichita, KS. "I also enjoyed seeing all the men running around in their cute little Jesus robes and sandals."
"I knew no one would be able to complete the 'Walk on Water Challenge,' but it was fun watching them try," said Sadie McNamara of Springfield, IL.
The executives at PAX TV say they do not expect any negative feedback as a result of their Christ-centric show. "You wanna know what? If Jesus were alive today, he would gladly give away his millions to his deserving flock," said producer Parks. "He was a pretty nice guy."
Theodore Gumbrill
Wigs
Infotainment Reporter
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