Read Your Cat Some Funny Tweets on International Cat Day! Or Don’t, They Won’t Give a Shit Either Way

Just found out that my cat, Jellybeans, is just an old bag of jellybeans. Still love him so much.

— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) October 9, 2012

My cat just walked into my room, meowed once, and left and that is EXACTLY how I think he'd warn me about an impending fire.

— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) December 12, 2013

*slowly slides entire leg into a stranger's cat door with tap shoe on*

— Sam (@SamuelMoen) September 12, 2013

Name your cat Jeff, then you can tell your coworkers all the cool things you did with Jeff on the weekend.

— Slaydrienne (@TheBlessMess) October 1, 2014

one time i opened a can of cat food & my stomach growled

— julia davidovich (@juliadavidovich) July 6, 2012

Grandma's house always smelled of Ginger and Cinnamon, her two filthy cats.

— Jose Arroyo (@seethingwithjoy) June 8, 2011

Well, Jenny, a lot has changed since high school. I mean, I'm still drawing Primus album covers in Mario Paint, but now my cat is dead.

— vladchoc (@vladchoc) January 9, 2013

Working late at the office every night because you hate your cat

— blake (@Leemanish) September 25, 2013

[Testing Cat-Human Translator]
Scientist: Cat, what is your name?
Cat: I AM KANG THE DESTROYER
Owner: It's not working. His name is Socks.

— Dan O'Brien (@OtherDanOBrien) November 21, 2014

Adopting a hairless cat is like hiring a naked old man to walk around your apartment and never thank you for anything.

— Nikki Walter (@TurboGrandma) February 12, 2012

I just saved $2.50 on a bag of cat food and now I'm wondering: Is this a perfect end to a week — or — an explosive start to a new one

— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) October 5, 2015

Confronting Trump with things he said in the past is about as effective as reading a cat training manual to a cat.

— Howard Mittelmark (@HMittelmark) March 31, 2017

New wet cat foods:
•Ocean Beef
•Ultimate Tunaiest Tuna
•Probably Morsels
•Own Puke Feast
•Gravy Lover's Disappointment
•Slorfed Liver Bork

— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) September 5, 2013

Recalled cat food brands:
-Cap'n Crabb's Not 2 Choice Bits
-Sea Findings
-Yeoman's Worry
-Best We Gotts
-Sorry, Shoreman! Cat Edibles

— Ira Parks (@IraParks) July 15, 2017

Sorry I missed your party, I had a cat on my lap.

— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) January 18, 2014

Just watched "You Only Live Twice." Blofeld's cat was staring into the camera in some shots. #unprofessional #hack

— Chris Regan (@ChrisRRegan) June 16, 2014

Just pushed my cat’s paperwork off his desk.

— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) December 1, 2015

Alternate headline: many cats look alike. pic.twitter.com/BP71OD1uNS

— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) December 20, 2016

People have asked us "is your cat dead?" before. http://t.co/MBaEt6NFyX

— Stay At Home Meme (@exlibris) March 19, 2014

Subtle way to ask for a raise: let your boss see you eating cat food.

— CalmTomb (@CalmTomb) August 2, 2016

I read that if you put jalapeños on anything it will make it better but I put some on my cat & honestly she's still a goddam mess.

— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) April 12, 2016

I sometimes pretend I'm dead just to see if my cat will try to eat me.

— Karen (Tozzi) (@karentozzi) March 23, 2013

I'm eating chocolate pudding with whipped cream out of a small glass dish with one of the good teaspoons. I feel like the Fancy Feast cat.

— lanyard (@lanyardigan) May 18, 2015

One thing I know about cats is they hate being an air guitar in Sultans of Swing.

— Larry (@VocabuLarry) April 25, 2015

When you bring home a second cat pic.twitter.com/OpgGJHaHNp

— Daniel Kibblesmith ☃️ (@kibblesmith) July 25, 2017

just apologized to my roommate's meowing cat that "I can't hang out right now, I'm not a cat person, I'm a people person" and I can't believe I'm lying to a cat

— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 11, 2018

Just caught a cat in my son's sandbox reading a magazine.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 19, 2014

The cat just tried to drink my pomegranate juice. Get the fuck outta here. This isn't ancient Egypt. You don't run shit anymore.

— Daniel Ralston (@danielralston) February 11, 2017

I like to play a little game with my dinner guests called "guess which plates I normally use to feed the cats."

— Nicole Betz (@TomHanksIsHot) June 12, 2012

The early bird gets the worm. But around the corner lurks Early Cat. Not so fast there, buddy. Here comes Early Dog.

— Derek Lawler (@RowdyBowden) November 19, 2014

"See, regular people have butts; Olympians have glutes," I slurred to my neighbor's cat.

— Kristin (@FeralCrone) August 8, 2016

The fog comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then shits outside the litter box
on purpose.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 16, 2014

Sorry I'm late. I was trying to fit a kitten's entire head in my mouth.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) April 6, 2013

I didn't read the article, or see the movie, but I'm guessing it's because he's a kitty cat https://t.co/gBiWDovymw

— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) May 12, 2016

I don’t have the heart to tell my cat how insanely bad he is at peek-a-boo. pic.twitter.com/snTDEzsgIu

— Maggie Serota (@maggieserota) March 15, 2018

mom's cat pic.twitter.com/4yt1eVSiQv

— Sam (@SamuelMoen) December 24, 2015

うぎゃ〜 pic.twitter.com/SMgvzQXGsB

— 健 (@bnr7403) September 15, 2017