New Year’s Resolutions Made By That Old Guy in Your Town Who Drives The Classic Car
December 28, 2010
- First and foremost, continue to do everything humanly possible to draw attention to myself every time I drive my car.
- Research funnier horn noises.
- Never let 18° weather dissuade me from driving around with the top down.
- If necessary, drive around the block 43 times in order to get that high-visibility parking spot right in front of the pizza/ice cream shop in the center of town.
- Heed members’ advice and keep my “Tail Light History, Installation and Maintenance Tips” talks to a maximum of 50 minutes at car club meetings.
- Remind Helen “It’s none of her damn business what I do at swap meets!”
- Call doctor if you-know-what lasts more than 4 hours.
- Continue to ridicule Studebaker Stan for the hilarious “Wash Me” that appeared on his dirty windshield back in 2007.
- Buy more jackets that match the color of my car.
- DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT, let that stupid Brownie troop’s “Flowers & Fun” wagon float upstage me again in town’s Fourth of July Parade!