The Best of The Best Vintage Employee Training Videos

A while back my pal @morgancline sent me a delightful vid called “Cold Drinks” (below). Not only did it make me very thirsty and very dancey, it sent me into a dizzying YouTube search pit looking for other oddly fascinating employee training treasures. I found some deep-fried gems. Then @comedyminusone clued me into the Holy Grail of old-school instruction with the “Space Port Arcade Employee Training Video” (below). Watch it and you’ll agree everyone who worked there probably enjoyed a visit from the FBI at one point in their lives.

A little history: I worked in a Burger King one summer on a boardwalk and I was named “Employee of The Season.” Pretty sweet, right? I still have the certificate, waiting for framing prices to come down before I hang it in the lobby of our office. The honor might have had something to do with my unmatched pickle-placing skills or my general fast-food-making awesomeness or maybe, it had something to do with me being the only kid who did not quit after a couple weeks or call in sick when there were big waves. I actually enjoyed the gig when I wasn’t being threatened by a massively-muscled, unstable coworker who would order me to prepare and bring him THREE sausage croissants as he hid in the walk-in freezer.

The Burger King was shuttered after 2 years of business. I lasted one. Oh, and I’m now a vegetarian.

I have a lot of respect for the hard-working managers and owners of these places who have to put up with the circus of little pricks looking to slack off as much as possible. I also envy the pride and skill people who work in a service-oriented business possess. I hide in a dimly-lit web cave all day and creep out infrequently to interact with humans. I don’t know how they do it, but I’m glad they do.

Strap on your aprons, paper hats and change belts and let’s get trained!!!

Wendy’s Cold Drinks!

Is it just me or do you have the strange urge to make love to a medium Frosty? Also, it’s pretty obvious where G. Love got the idea for his silly novelty song. Also, don’t forget the Hot Drinks!

Wendy’s “Grill Skills” 1989 Training Video Part 1

Director: “Hey Dave, yeah, could you stand in front of the garbage can then show us your meat? That will be a great way to start this show!”

Wendy’s “Grill Skills” 1989 Training Video Part 2

Quality Control 101: “Only serve a great-looking patty, never serve a burger that’s looking ratty.” Appetizing choice of words.

1981 Space Port Arcade Employee Training Video

Visit your local Space Port Today! (It’s now a Paperia.)

McDonald’s Custodial Training Video

Poor guy, his new boss is being a real McC.

1986 Hardee’s Restaurant Training Video

“Very nice suggestive selling, Jim!”

Blockbuster Training Video [1990] – Pt 2

Great, I am now in love with a girl from twenty years ago who wears giant khakis.