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Blake (@Leemanish) is my favorite person on Twitter. I know nothing about him except for his glorious tweets.
Girls want to be with me, jellyfish want to have a separate mouth & anus like me.
— blake (@Leemanish) October 10, 2013
Bought the cheapest possible Mercedes yesterday ’cause I needed to use the bathroom at the dealership.
— blake (@Leemanish) October 24, 2013
Endorsed by Shannen Doherty? I’m listening.
— blake (@Leemanish) November 12, 2012
When you get home this evening, surprise your family by kicking the door in.
— blake (@Leemanish) October 24, 2012
Sick of having to go to 2 different huts to buy pizza & sunglasses.
— blake (@Leemanish) March 24, 2013
Two things about me: 1. I’d rather jerk-off the Hamburglar than eat a Big Mac. 2. I love Big Macs.
— blake (@Leemanish) July 30, 2012
Q for bald men: A genie offers you a full, thick head of hair w/ the caveat that it always be worn in “the Rachel” style. Do you accept?
— blake (@Leemanish) December 16, 2012
Updated: December 2015
Lil’ Kim implies the existence of a larger Kim
— blake (@Leemanish) November 17, 2015
Guy in the Petco express line clearly has more than 15 snakes
— blake (@Leemanish) July 23, 2015
More: @Leemanish
