Boy Genius Finishes College at 10, Stuck in Crappy Job at 11
Mozart wrote his first concerto at age five. Tiger Woods learned to play golf at three. And now Madison, New Jersey’s own child prodigy Jason Park is stuck in a crappy job at age 11.
Under the home-school guidance of his mother, Park finished high school at the age of six. He then breezed through college by the time he was eight and capped off his accelerated education by receiving his MBA from Villanova University at the tender age of 10. Now the precocious young man is a first-year consultant with a financial consulting firm making 58K a year, working 70-hour weeks and hating every minute of it.
“I never really thought about what I wanted to do after my schooling,” said a visibly tired Park as he unclips his necktie and downs chocolate milk at McSorley’s Pub in Manhattan where he and some of his colleagues meet for the occasional drink after work.
“I was always good at math, so my parents told me to study finance like John Kenneth Galbraith. Great! So here I am, a working stiff busting my ass in low-level financial advisory hell, counseling old biddies about whether to buy 10 shares of this mutual fund or that, one all in a futile attempt to make partner by 15.”
With his education complete and a ton of student loans hanging over his head, Park had no choice but to enter the workforce. “I kind of wanted to kick around for a while, you know, have some ‘me’ time… maybe backpack through Euro Disney for a few weeks.”
That didn’t pan out. Park was recruited right out of school. “I thought he was a ‘little person’ when we first met, which actually helped him,” said company recruiter David Goldfarb. “We provide equal opportunity for the differently sized here. I realized I was wrong about Park after he interrupted my interview questions repeatedly to show me his Yu-Gi-Oh! trading cards.”
Park said his parents were “banking on People Magazine or one of those stupid 20/20 shows to pick up my story when I was in high school so I could get some scholarship offers. They wrote letters and sent in videos of me playing my mini violin and building robots, but no one was biting. It seems there’s a bunch of genius kids like me whipping through cut-rate colleges.”
The young consultant perked up for moment as he fondly recalled his college days. “I really miss Nova. We just kicked it at the frat house all day. We played video games 24/7 and jammed to Dave Matthews. It was totally chill! I could actually palm the basketball in the frat house Pop-a-Shot games.”
But his voice quickly returned to its joyless monotone as he thought to the future, “Now, I got sixty years of crunching numbers and drinking bad coffee at client sites to look forward to. Whoopde-frickin-do. Look at these bags under my eyes… Christ almighty.”
Park lives at home with his parents in Madison for the time being. “I’m saving up to build a super cool tree fort.”
When Park does have time to hang out with friends in his neighborhood, he is usually teased about being different (he only wears sensible golf clothes and loafers) and his recent weight gain. “Yeah, guess I got a bit of a gut now, but hey, I work so much I just don’t have time to hit the swings like I used to.”
Jeff Lyons
Education Reporter
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At age 11 he has already accomplished a lot. I’m sure after this he’ll get recognized and get on some tv special and get some money and hopefully cut down from 70 hours of work a week. Shit, I’m 19 and think 30 hours of work a week is a pain in the ass. I don’t even wanna know what he’s having to go through.
At age 11 he has already accomplished a lot. I’m sure after this he’ll get recognized and get on some tv special and get some money and hopefully cut down from 70 hours of work a week. Shit, I’m 19 and think 30 hours of work a week is a pain in the ass. I don’t even wanna know what he’s having to go through.
this is the funniest/least funny thing ive seen in a while!
this is the funniest/least funny thing ive seen in a while!
It really doesn’t matter how smart you are in life. You need direction, you need to know what you want to do. Either you know that, or you are looking for it, or you are going to be miserable. He got through college, wooptie doo. He is probably going to spend the rest of his time bogged down unless he does something about it. All that time he was ahead, he is going to have to pay back.
HAHAHA! Who says he has to do that?! Child labor laws?? I make more without a college ed and I work 4 days a week at 7 hours a day.
It really doesn’t matter how smart you are in life. You need direction, you need to know what you want to do. Either you know that, or you are looking for it, or you are going to be miserable. He got through college, wooptie doo. He is probably going to spend the rest of his time bogged down unless he does something about it. All that time he was ahead, he is going to have to pay back.
HAHAHA! Who says he has to do that?! Child labor laws?? I make more without a college ed and I work 4 days a week at 7 hours a day.
my favorite (funniest/least funny) part is that smurf believed it.
my favorite (funniest/least funny) part is that smurf believed it.
This is so fake…
This is so fake…
If he is good at math, maybe he should go back and get a math PHD.
He will never be bored–because Math research is endless.
If he is good at math, maybe he should go back and get a math PHD.
He will never be bored–because Math research is endless.
Yea, don’t think this is real… sorry guys.
Yea, don’t think this is real… sorry guys.
Is this for real? If he is that smart, the chance are he would have gotten lots of scholarship, why he has a ton of sutdent loan hanging over his head. Just don’t make any sense.
Is this for real? If he is that smart, the chance are he would have gotten lots of scholarship, why he has a ton of sutdent loan hanging over his head. Just don’t make any sense.
its possible he went to college but he cant get a job at eleven espesially at a 70 hour work week
its possible he went to college but he cant get a job at eleven espesially at a 70 hour work week
I’m pretty sure this story is fiction. However, there have been kids that have finished school very early. I can recall hearing, many years ago, about some kid finishing college at 13 or something like that. Unbelievable… It does actually happen, however you don’t get a job like this right out of school at 11. Sorry, this has to be fake. You’d be breaking so many child labor laws if he is 11 and working 70 hours a week.
I’m pretty sure this story is fiction. However, there have been kids that have finished school very early. I can recall hearing, many years ago, about some kid finishing college at 13 or something like that. Unbelievable… It does actually happen, however you don’t get a job like this right out of school at 11. Sorry, this has to be fake. You’d be breaking so many child labor laws if he is 11 and working 70 hours a week.
Don’t you people understand satire?!
Don’t you people understand satire?!
c’mon… this is fake. i know because about the fastest you can go now is to get a Ph.D. by the age of 20. i know this because i will have a phd by 20.
c’mon… this is fake. i know because about the fastest you can go now is to get a Ph.D. by the age of 20. i know this because i will have a phd by 20.
lol no minimum wages for under 16 so y r they paying 56k?
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bring back child labour
lol no minimum wages for under 16 so y r they paying 56k?
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bring back child labour
Seems to be some major gaps in this story. I gotta say I can’t believe it.
Seems to be some major gaps in this story. I gotta say I can’t believe it.
Sure seems that as smart as he is, he somehow lost his way. I would suggest that he finally should discover his passion, whatever that may be; and only he knows within himself what it is, and follow that passion. Only that will make him happy and peaceful.
Sure seems that as smart as he is, he somehow lost his way. I would suggest that he finally should discover his passion, whatever that may be; and only he knows within himself what it is, and follow that passion. Only that will make him happy and peaceful.
fake. child labor laws anyone?
fake. child labor laws anyone?
wow.
no shit its fake.
doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out
its basically strikes me as something like a tabloid or a satire..
wow.
no shit its fake.
doesn’t take a genius to figure that one out
its basically strikes me as something like a tabloid or a satire..
Satire. Damned good satire, though. I ggigled like a fool. 🙂
Satire. Damned good satire, though. I ggigled like a fool. 🙂
SATIRE is lame, and people like Maddox who write this shit are retards themselves.
SATIRE is lame, and people like Maddox who write this shit are retards themselves.
Most people who voice their own opinions online thinking they have made THE intelligent response just vomit generalities and can drink from the cup of 2girls.
Retards cant appreciate Satire, and Maddox for example can run circles around your handi-ass.
“SATIRE is lame, and people like Maddox who write this shit are retards themselves.”
Some of the best shows ever made are Sattire. Go read your charles dickens. Poofter, nuff said.
Most people who voice their own opinions online thinking they have made THE intelligent response just vomit generalities and can drink from the cup of 2girls.
Retards cant appreciate Satire, and Maddox for example can run circles around your handi-ass.
“SATIRE is lame, and people like Maddox who write this shit are retards themselves.”
Some of the best shows ever made are Sattire. Go read your charles dickens. Poofter, nuff said.
um, who is Maddox?
um, who is Maddox?
I can’t believe anyone would think this is real…wow. I mean, the headline alone tells you it’s satire. Gullible isn’t in the dictionary, btw. Anyway, hilarious article.