I came home from work a week ago today, flipped open my laptop, and saw the news headline "Michael Jackson dies." Was I surprised? No, were you? Did the hair stand up on the back of my neck? Yeah, did yours?

As always, I have more questions than answers... ?

Will the beer expert and fellow drunk of the same name (Michael Jackson) finally get to be somebody in his own right now that the competition is out of the way? Oh, wait, he died two years ago. Never mind.

Didn’t Lisa Marie Presley once state publicly that the high-pitched, breathy Liz Taylor/Diana Ross speaking voice that Michael Jackson spoke in was not, in fact, how he talked in private – that his private speaking voice was an ordinary, baritone man’s voice – and isn’t that really the eeriest thing of all to think about?

Was Michael Jackson at all aware of having any debilitating neuroses or mental illnesses? Did he ever once look at the “man in the mirror” and say, “Jeez, that’s f*cked up”?

Why do I somehow suspect the answer to that question is yes? Would that change how you think about him?

Was MJ born to be an enigma, much as George W. Bush seems to have been?

Didn’t the young child star Michael Jackson always seem older than his age, ala Shirley Temple, whom someone once described as a “50-year-old midget”?

How bad was his scalp burn in the 1984 Pepsi commercial incident? Was it really the life-changing event it’s been presented as? I.e., the beginning of his long-running plastic surgery and painkiller misadventures?*

Will Diana Ross be a good mother to the young children Princes Michael I & II and Paris Jackson after Katherine Jackson (age 79) passes away?

Am I the only person who knew from the first moment I saw a picture of them many years ago that the children were too light complexioned, light haired, and light eyed to be Jackson’s own? And isn't there more than a whiff of "eugenics" around the specifications Jackson had surrounding their creation?

What are they like? Perhaps they are like many children of eccentric and troubled famous people: Absolutely, amazingly normal?

Will they write “Michael Dearest” books as soon as they are old enough?

From the way Katherine dutifully attended every day of MJ’s trial back in ’05, and generally has remained a loyal, stoical Class Act while the LaToyas of the family ran amok causing embarrassment everywhere, doesn’t she absolutely deserve to administer or flat-out HAVE all the money? Isn’t there something totally satisfying and fitting about it?

Isn’t Michael Jackson’s three-year “marriage” to Deborah Rowe pretty much the ultimate example of venal, criminally frivolous straight marriage – even more than Britney’s – for gay-marriage advocates to point to?

When all is said (and done, but mostly said): Isn’t it entirely possible, as a friend of mine wondered aloud the other day, that Michael Jackson died a virgin? That he never had any sexual contact with anyone?

Other than the  example above about his voice, why did Elvis's daughter cover for Michael Jackson for so long? Was it something related to working through some stuff about her father?

How similar was Jackson’s 2005 trial and acquittal to O.J. Simpson’s 1995 trial and acquittal, in terms of certain jurors (and certain segments of the public) blindly refusing to believe someone they idolized is capable of behavior like murder or child molesting?

Every time I see Kendall-Jackson (no relation) wine at the grocery store, don't I think of the testimony of that stewardess regarding "Jesus juice" and remember her weird snobbishness in pointing out that MJ gave the kids not the good stuff, but "yucky Kendall-Jackson"?

Why is mega-quack Deepak Chopra pushing to the front of the line to start a second career as a posthumous PR flack/protector of MJ’s precious legacy? Did I just answer my own question with the words “second career”?

Were you aware (I wasn’t) that the mother of Jackson’s 2005 accuser, Janet Arvizo, has since married a man named Jay Jackson (no relation) and now goes by the name Janet Jackson?

How does MJ fit in the canon of flawed geniuses?

__________

* I ask this not without empathy, as someone who was partially scalped in an accident. But despite having over 100 stitches along half of my scalp, I took no painkillers once I left the hospital, nor had plastic surgery for it. Furthermore: “Some studio audience members said he was so calm, they thought the incident was part of the act. ‘He was wonderful. He reassured people even as he was being taken away on a stretcher,’ (Fan Virginia Watson)”

CD: The Land Is Wild

Ah, the solo album. You can’t really have one in the traditional sense unless you’ve spent some time in an established band, thereby ensuring that  you’ll never be able to objectively release any music ever again without bearing the crushing weight of its legacy. So how did Dave Bidini, one of the founders and three primary singer/songwriters of the Rheostatics (“one of Canada's most influential and most unconventional rock bands” – who amicably went their separate ways in 2007), manage to keep it fresh on his first official full length? Read on, friends.

Dave is a bit of a unique case in that he’s been a successful published author since the late 90’s (8 books and counting – For Those About to Rock being a nice little intro to his style and personality and Around the World in 57½ Gigs and On A Cold Road being pithier next steps) – so he has a large and very legitimate body of work outside of the music that first brought him to prominence. That’s one reason why, with his latest recording “The Land Is Wild” with his newly minted Bidiniband, you don’t really get this feeling of listening to an unsteady bird that has flown the coop to attempt his own “Jazz Odyssey” – but rather one of listening to an artist creating something that is a more concentrated extension of various strengths and past lives.

Don’t get me wrong, one of the initial fascinations with this recording was listening to the subtle musical signatures that highlight Dave’s unique contributions to the Rheostatics sound - a bit like musical archaeology with plenty of “a-ha!” for all. But then I started to focus on what I would say is the Dylanesque approach to this particular set – the stories and the words are the main focus here (always a strength), and the music is more the vehicle. Almost all of the sounds found here are organic, the musicianship tasteful and uncomplicated, and the production aiming almost exclusively at creating maybe not a living-room atmosphere, but certainly one of intimacy that lets the songs themselves take center stage. This is in keeping with Dave’s one-man-with-a-guitar troubadour adventures as of late, relating  non-fictional stories like that of the demise of hockey player Bryan Fogarty (the epic title track), fictional ones like that of a rock band getting stranded on a desert island and having to eat their drummer (“Desert Island Poem”), and social commentaries like “Last Good Cigarette”.

An absorbing release that isn’t out to burn down or disavow a proud legacy, but isn’t content to ride on any coattails either. Truly, another intriguing step by a Canadian original – veering off the already virgin path cut by the Rheostatics into a fresh, waste-deep blanket of snow.

Interviews: Music: Nickodemus, Comedy: Bert Rotundo of Generation Awesome

Topics: UsedWigs Live Recap, The Fleeting Fame of Megan Fox, Golf Ruins Everything, LARPing, Todd Gets Angry at Magazines, Pavement, Doug Benson’s “I Love Movies,” iPhone ToyCamera, iPhone Pano and Paste Magazine.

Playlist: Kevin McAdams, Oppenheimer, Nickodemus, We Were Promised Jetpacks and Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks

Preview: “Giant forearm tattoos? They’re so out.”

Play Now: http://www.usedwigs.com/pod/podcast63.mp3

iTunes: Download

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Todd

• The Learning Channel is perfect if what you want to "learn" about is dwarfism.
• For a stuffed animal, the worst assignment must be roadside memorial.
• After spending Friday night with Metric, gallon, inch and pound won't return my phone calls: http://twitpic.com/81n6h
• Our pet cat seemed so important to me... until we had our son. Our son seemed so imporant to me... until I got an iPhone.
• There's nothing funny about an exploding package, Jokey Smurf.
• The day after Flag Day is always such a letdown.
• Just wanted to touch base with everyone. Just touching base. Let's touch base again later.
• The recommended serving size of Fig Newtons is two cookies. Now imagine being served two Fig Newtons.
• ReThought Thurs: Even though I grew up as an only child, I’m not spoiled. You can even ask my masseuse.
• It takes time and energy to figure out how and why things happen. It's much easier to call them miracles and go back to eating corn chips.
• Watching standard-definition TV is like camping.
• When we finally grant the robots suffrage, will it be extended to the voting machines?
• There's a special place in hell reserved for those who make reservations for hell.

Jeff

• Watching Food Network, just saw a barbeque champ who was very fit and healthy looking... nah, kidding, he was a fat load.
• Berks County Classifieds: DWF seeks man, must love kids (8 of them) and being belittled. #jon&kate
• FYI, there is a Songwriters Hall of Fame. Bon Jovi was just inducted. That should tell you all you need to know about it.
• Watching soccer (or any sport's) highlights on ESPN is brutal. Shoehorn in some more lame retro catchphrases...no, really, good stuff
• Have a bit of a problem with The Roots "opening" for Sheryl Crow in Philly on the fourth. Promoters might want to flip that bill.
• Firefox is the neediest browser I've ever meet.
• Bruce playing with Phish is not my my idea of an "amazing show"... "Glory Days" and "Mustang Sally".... was this an AARP event? #bonnaroo
• don't mean to boast, but "acne_cure" is now following me. yep, pretty sweet.
• Sammy Hagar just sang the words "hoochie coochie man" with a straight face, also wearing a "Chickenfoot" tee. Too many point deductions to count.
• "Caillou" makes me hate all Canadian children.
• Uh oh, the father gorilla on "American Chopper" is angry again.
• Will Ferrell could use some help chosing scripts. #understatement
• Hey Philly, Converse is making ugly sneakers especially for WMMR and WYSP listeners: http://tr.im/nwYD #badidea
• If you hate laughing, tune in "Mike & Mike" sports talk radio, they'll make sure it never happens. Dreadful.
• No one makes me laugh harder than Jon Wurster: http://wfmu.org/playlists/BS #tbsowfmu

I like Maui, if he doesn't want to play ball, he just doesn't. So deal with it.

Our pals at phillyBurbs are having a "Take Your Dog to Work Day" tomorrow. I love this idea, it's much better than dragging your kids to work so they can stare at you banging your mouse and cursing up a storm while they staple sticky notes together and yawn. Dogs, they'll just sleep, eat, doot and sleep some some more... just like you do at work.

Kudos to phillyBurbs, a very dog-friendly office.  Look, Maui is bored with Illuminati, just like his coworkers. (More Photos.)

(BTW, here's my pooch Winslow, a crazy little mutt we rescued 6 years ago. He's insane.)

Look at the green and blue spirals. Incredibly, they are the same color.

"WTF? This cannot be true! Impossible! Everything I hold dear in life must now be a lie! Let's burn this at the stake!!"

Relax. Discover Magazine will tell us how this is possible.

Don't You Dare Complain About Your Job: "Waahhh, my reports didn't format correctly!"  "Waahhh, the conference room is double booked!" Yes, that is devastating, Rick, but at least you're not Sulfur Mining in an Active Volcano.  Speaking of volcanoes—and who isn't—here's one that might remind you of the kick-ass lava-spewer I crafted in fourth grade. Remember that one? Baking soda and vinegar all up in your face? NASA Volcano Image Shows Atmospheric Shockwave.

Site for Sore Eyes: 45 Beautifully Designed Book Covers

More Eye-Soothing Goodness: 50 Amazing Gig Posters Sure to Inspire

Not So Eye-Soothing: Soviet Russian Album Covers:

Warning: Contents May Be Hot! Want to see the largest fusion device on Earth? "During a reaction, nuclear fuels are held away from the walls by electromagnets, and reach temperatures more than ten times hotter than the core of the sun."

That's great nerds, it gets real hot, but what is it good for?

...it's being used as a test bed for a new reactor, ITER, which will generate electricity from fusion, using fuel found in ordinary seawater. Just one cubic kilometre of seawater contains enough deuterium - used as a nuclear fuel by JET - to generate more power than the world's entire oil reserves.

New Favorite Jingle: "Todd, Todd Barry... Todd, Todd Barry!" Rock out to 35 seconds of Todd Barry from the "Tim and Eric" DVD.

Listen: The almighty Ted Leo on The Best Show (also appearance by villainous Brush Man).

Eric is Making a Salad and Busting Out His Ponda Baba Costume: Star Wars Themed Picnics @ The Mann Center?

Do You Love Movies? Doug Benson does. Download his entertaining podcast.

Watch Some Videos: Blooper and TV's Gay Friend Obsession.

U-Stay: Our pal Chris attempted to use U-Haul on his big move, it did not go so well. I've had similar problems with the shady business. Please don't use them, I think they charge extra for a truck with brakes.

Well-Spent $5: The Weakerthans - Live Session on iTunes

Your Daily Dilemma:

"Is there nothing you Phish fans can't make out of hemp? I mean besides deodorant."