“History of the Internet is an animated documentary explaining the inventions from time-sharing to filesharing, from Arpanet to Internet.” Very intesetsing little video, I got completely lost around the 4-minute mark, but I’m sure you can stay focused longer.

Behold the new documentary by the guy who brought you the fontatsic film Helvetica. This one is about product design and consumerism. It will tell you why you must must must have the impeccably-designed Leica point-and-shoot, even if the Canon takes better photos. If you’re a designer or artsy type, you will no doubt enjoy the film, but the average person might find it a tad too precious.  Bonus: the mighty El Ten Eleven does the music:

The song is “I Like Van Halen Because My Sister Says They Are Cool” by our friends El Ten Eleven, from their new record These Promises Are Being Videotaped [get it on iTunes].

Website: www.objectifiedfilm.com [via neatorama]

Love these kids, nice marriage of melody and math rock hijinx, a must for fans of Les Savy Fav, Minus The Bear, Dismemberment Plan and Maximo Park.

Free MP3 Download: “Once, Twice, Again!”

Websites: www.dartzisgood.co.uk and MySpace

Bait: “Hey, here are those awesome photos I took of you. You look so good, OMG!”

Result: Yep, you’ve been “Chilliwacked”!

(thanks for planting the seed, Gladstone)

1. Do everything humanly possible to draw attention to myself every time I drive my car.
2. Never let 18° weather dissuade me from driving around with the top down.
3. If necessary, drive around the block 43 times in order to get that high-visibility parking spot right in front of the pizza/ice cream shop in the center of town.
4. Research funnier horn noises.
5. Heed members’ advice and keep my “Tail Light History and Maintenance” talks to a maximum of 50 minutes at car club meetings.
6. Remind Helen “It’s none of her damn business what I do at swap meets!”
7. Call doctor if you-know-what lasts more than 4 hours.
8. Buy more jackets that match the color of my car.

Here are three easy ways to keep up with the nonsense:

Follow Us on Twitter

Go to:  twitter.com/usedwigs and click “Follow.”

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Sorry, must be a little punch drunk from the holiday bacchanalia because I find these photos above and this video below very entertaining:

Photos via @julieklausner, Video via @neatorama.

Staying in on New Year’s Eve? Me too, lots to do: ice cream sandwiches just don’t eat themselves. Here are some low-effort, time-wasting activities to keep you in a festive mood. Hope everyone has a swell time, thanks for another nonsense-filled year on the ol’ Internet.

Critique: Your friends sent you a lot of holiday cards, huh? Well, round up the ones that contain family photos and judge them from best to worst, posting your results on your blog, better yet, Facebook (people read that). Do not be afraid to point out bad photography, poor design or unfortunate outfit choices. Your friends will appreciate the advice and put out a better product next year.

Imbibe: Grab yourself a few of my favorite beers of 2008 and get yourself loaded enough to watch Robbie Knievel jump over a volcano:

• Yards Brawler
• Rowhouse Red
• O’hara’s Celebration Stout (thanks Todd!)
  
• Flying Fish Belgian Abbey Dubbel
• Belhaven Wee Heavy (thanks John!)

Zone Out: Fire up your Zune and enjoy the sounds of silence.

Nitpick: Movie Mistakes of 2008

Stream: “The Best Show” on WFMU - December 30th

Stumble: Just install the StumbleUpon button on your toolbar (very easy), input your interests, then click away. Something intriguing usually pops up.

Squint: Read the classics on your cell phone.

Email: Dare the Inky’s gossip guy Tirdad Derakhshani to go one day without mentioning Britney, Angelina and Brad. He can’t do it. I think he’s only aware of about 10 celebs total.

Banish: Some worn out words and phrases.

Read: Todd Barry’s latest funny interview (even though he never answered my last interview questions, no grudges). Follow Todd.

Laugh… at Brett Favre! ha ha.

Listen: Three more gems from 2008:

Secret Machines - “Last Believer, Drop Dead”
CD: Secret Machines

Drag The River - “Br00tal”
CD: You Can’t Live This Way
MP3: Download

Mission Of Burma - “Academy Fight Song”
CD: Signals, Calls and Marches [Remastered]

Projected Lame Caption: “Connor’s mom wants him to pad his college apps with some extracurricular activity.”

I’m all for user-generated content (just not here), but let’s put an end to the increasingly blah Cartoon Caption Contest on the back page of The New Yorker. This laugh-free zone wastes valuable real estate in an otherwise fine publication. I like my cartoons drawn and captioned by professional funny people, not some dentist from Verona, NJ.