UsedWigs

Being an X-Files fan I was very excited for another big screen adventure starring my old pals Mulder and Scully, but after viewing this pedestrian little teaser, I’m now a bit wary. Some chick runs afoul of an Ice Road Trucker and he makes a popsicle out of her? Is that the best Chris Carter and Company can do after 10 years?

Let’s hope it’s just a bad trailer and there’s more to the film than another lame hunt for another lame serial killer. I want a bunch of cool-looking aliens (of the non-friendly variety), some major screen time for my main man A.D. Skinner and a visit from that lovable Peacock family.

After thirty seconds of research, I see the film only tackles one particular case and does not touch on the myriad of unanswered questions from the X Files mythology. That is actually good news because I can’t remember any of those nerdy questions and don’t really care anymore. I have three notebooks full of unanswered Lost questions to occupy my precious time.

CD: In Advance of the Broken Arm

This is the most oddly compelling record I’ve heard in a long time, and I hereby declare it genius. A grossly overused word, but completely justified in this case. This album, and most likely this artist, will be misunderstood in the same ways Philip Glass and Frank Zappa are misunderstood. There’s more innovation in these 45 minutes than most of us will be able to conjure up in a lifetime. Strong, I know. But I friggin’ LOVE this.

So, what does it sound like? Well, picture all of your sister’s old dolls, the ones you mutilated and buried in the back yard, rising from the dirt beneath a full moon…they spend some time organizing and scheming, and then all show up in your bedroom wielding tiny knives. These are the songs they’d be singing.

Where to begin… Marnie Stern is a girl who clearly spent quality time with her Don Caballero, King Crimson, and early Residents records. Her songs are dense layers of sound with polyrhythms, trance-inducing melodic lines, and dissonance a-plenty. The less adventurous might casually listen to this and say, “Wow, that sounds like a bunch of people noodling and making a lot of noise.” To be fair, there are plenty of bands out there who pretend to be really “deep” and wail away making a lot of loud, happy accidents with an “I meant to do that” air about them.

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I get it so often, and I got ‘nem ol’ Mitteilungszwang again Mama! Mitteilungszwang is German for “the need to tell something.” I seldom do anything about it. But tonight, white wine spritzer in hand, laundry in machine down in ‘nem basement, headphones on, a song is opening up a door into the explaining of the week that was and the persistence of memory.

It was the summer of 1991 in Freiburg-im-Breisgau, Germany. George H.W. Bush was the president of the United States. I had fallen in with a certain crowd of Americans, the bad-boy/girl clique of our study abroad contingent, who were mostly nice people from Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Michigan.

Not us, though, we went to shows by bands like Poison Idea, Big Chief, and the Sisters of Mercy, as they toured through Germany. I remember them all. I saw Poison Idea in Frankfurt, and they were three morbidly obese guys, so fat and worn out they gave the concert sitting right on the stage floor, positioned like panda bears. Meanwhile the audience did “Pogo tanzen” — slamdancing, but in Germany it wouldn’t be the same without lots of potential bodily harm, so the floor in the packed room was covered with empty bottles.

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The two covers of the latest issue of The New Yorker should make you happy. (The first cover flaps over the second cover.)

Author and cartoonist, Daniel Clowes (Ghost World), made himself a spiffy retro robot and put it to good use. Allowing technology to be as exciting or mundane as its owner pleases the emerging neo-Luddite in me.

It’s a solid issue with a fairly interesting article on photo retouching in the fashion world. Basically, there’s one hotshot retoucher in the biz, Pascal Dangin, who everyone uses when they want to make sure Drew Barrymore looks ten years younger and ten pounds lighter when she appears on their magazine’s cover.

UsedWigs World News reported on the popular act of “Sleevefacing” sweeping the globe back in 2007. Now, there is a comprehensive site, www.sleeveface.com, filled with a panoply of creative takes on “obscuring or augmenting any part of their body or bodies with record sleeve(s) causing an illusion.” I love this very dumb activity very much and I don’t know why.

Website: www.sleeveface.com

Mann Oh Mann! Hooray for West Philly, two great shows are coming to the Mann Music Center in June:

• June 12th - Death Cab for Cutie
  
• June 18th - R.E.M. with Special Guests Modest Mouse and The National.

The Mann, located in scenic Fairmount Park, is a great place to see a show in the summer. Get there early and tailgate on the expansive lawn, lots of trees and lots of shade. You should also check out some Philadelphia Orchestra shows during the week at the Mann starting in July.

Pack some food and wine, chill out on the lawn, stare at the sky and say to yourself… “I love classical music… I hope they play the theme to Indiana Jones or that song from Apocalypse Now.”

Helpful Drinking Tip: Most lawn seats at concert venues like The Mann are sloped, so you might want to pick up these ingenious little wine glass holders to secure your beloved beverage, a must for all outdoorsy winos.

Seymour + Fergies = One Happy Drunk! Celebrate the glory of the spring season with Brian Seymour! He’ll be performing one gigantic set filled with guitars, pints, palaver, a gospel choir and pyrotechnics this Saturday at the almighty Fergie’s Pub! (Gospel choir and pyrotechnics not guaranteed.)

• Saturday, May 10, 9pm. No cover.
• More Info: www.brianseymour.com

Cruise to Mars: Celebrity cruises are popular with all types: gay folks (Rosie), complete losers (John Mayer) and TV geeks like us. I’m saving my pennies so I can go on the Veronica Mars Cruise, but I just might wait until the Celebrity Guests are announced. Don’t want to be stuck on boat all week chatting up C-listers like Duncan Kane and Beaver Casablancas.

Some Time Wasters:

• 21 Best Mugshots Ever
• Early Musical Robots
• Protection from the Atomic Bomb
• European Anatomy Museums
• National Geographic Week in Photos

Video: “I Will Possess Your Heart” by Death Cab for Cutie. A tad longish, but I dig it, very hypnotic, like most of their tunes:

Have a little music group and can’t decide on a name? Lucky for you, we’ve thought up a bunch of ORIGINAL BAND NAMES just for you. To take one of our fabulous free monikers, just write in the “Comments” and tell us why you deserve it and where you’re from. Rock On!

• Dreamcrusher Jones
• Beast Infection
• The Button Pushers
• Cement Nose
• Grand Theft Otto
• LungBash
• The Grillables
• Major Incident Response Team
• Quick Fire Challenge
• Meth Lab for Cutie
• thrust parry thrust
• {AwkwardHug}
• Growth Spurtz
• Ruling The Earth from Within
• Elf Made Man
• The Neck Wringers

See entire list here!

Attention all Skinjobs, Toasters and Humans: Geekadelphia is hosting a Battlestar Galactica Party on May 10th (in conjunction with the fine folks at the Hacktory and Indy Hall) at Independents Hall in Old City, Philadelphia.

I will be there dressed as Klingon with a lightsaber (peace-bonded, of course) just to disrupt the party’s space-time continuum. Hope to see you there!

“The party will kick off at 5PM. We’ll be playing the official Battlestar Galactica game, as well as the fan-made Beyond The Red Line, on some LAN networks. If you want in, please bring your own laptop or PC. While we’ll probably have an extra machine or two on hand, you’re better off bringing your own comp.

Between rounds of the game, there will be episodes screening, and at 7:30, we’ll watch some Best of BSG, three of the best episodes. If you’ve never seen the show, which is ending this season sadly, you’ll finally get to see what all the hype is about.”

More Details: www.geekadelphia.com

Lost - Ben = Boring. I knew this was coming. After many fine episodes packed with action and intrigue, the writers felt the need to go back to their old tricks and make sure the romance angle was not forgotten.

So we were forced to watch many, many extreme close-ups of Future Jack and his lady love, Ol’ Rabbit-Teeth Kate hash out their uncertain feelings for each other. Zzzzzz. To add to the been-there-seen-that plot clogs, the Jack daddy issue thingie was resurrected once again. Ugh.

The Office: In startling news, it was revealed Darryl was not only a member of The Crypts and The Bloods, but also a member of The Warriors and the Newsies. Line of the night, Michael shushing Pam and her awful glasses: “…it’s just noise coming out of an ugly scientist.” Creed also scored big: “A lot of jazz cats are blind, but they can play piano like nobody’s business. I’d like to put a piano in front of Pam and see what happens. [Pause] I’d also like to see her topless.”

I know many of you have said Pam is not looking good this season, a little too frumpy and lumpy. True, but remember fellas, the poor gal is still recuperating from a major back injury. Jenna Fischer took a spill down some stairs a while back and had some serious injuries. Once fully healed, I’m sure she’ll starve herself like every good Hollywood actress and will be swapping clothes with Calista F. in no time.

30 Rock: Always good to see Floyd and a nice peek at the 12th Floor. Lines of the night:

Floyd asks Liz to go to “the barbecue restaurant you puked at last time,” Liz responds, “You have to be more specific.”

Jenna: “A drinking contest? What am I, 12 and at my boyfriend’s frat party?”

Eli Stone: Still a major douche.