Funniest Tweets Ever – Volume 4
Welcome to Volume 4 of maybe not the funniest tweets ever but I guarantee you this is a kick-ass compilation of new and old Twitter gems. Before you get mad at me for not including your favorite, I apologize, I’ve only read 91% of all the tweets ever posted. That said, I hope you enjoy them and LOL often and follow these weirdos for more goodness. Links to Volumes 1, 2, and 3 are below.
reservations are so embarrassing like hi i’m here for my spaghetti appointment
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) September 12, 2022
(holding my friends at gunpoint) pumpkin patch?????
— trash jones (@jzux) September 16, 2022
getting a haircut today. going w a classic: short on top long on sides
— charlie (@chunkbardey) September 15, 2022
typing in the same password a third time but more powerfully
— Ygrene™ (@Ygrene) September 22, 2022
Bring your baby to the hospital immediately. pic.twitter.com/TSvaBSJHqo
— Christian Alsis (@christianalsis) September 18, 2022
welcome back. if you're just joining us, the people who brought polio back are complaining about black mermaids
— blaine capatch (@blainecapatch) September 15, 2022
My son when I tell him to smile vs when I yell out “poop!” pic.twitter.com/ui6TuPOaC5
— Adam Perry (@misterperry) September 14, 2022
Guy in the Petco express line clearly has more than 15 snakes
— blake (@Leemanish) July 23, 2015
my son has recently informed me the ‘wall people’ who ‘always have their eyes open’ don’t like us anymore. just curious if anyone is free tonight to help me move out
— nash flynn, (@itsnashflynn) September 11, 2022
me on wikipedia finding out that an indie artist has famous parents pic.twitter.com/j9MbD4ZUE2
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) March 29, 2021
My girlfriend asked me to get something out of her purse & there were two loose pieces of bread in there. I would have been less startled to find a grenade.
— Chris Murphy (@chrismurphyusa) March 10, 2019
it’s good when all your bones make sounds in the morning, it means everything is clicking into place for action
— pascalle (@pasxalle) August 29, 2022
Everyone who has watched the live action Pinocchio has died within 7 days
— ZNT (@ZachNoeTowers) September 19, 2022
yes I believe in traditional marriage: one person explains the day’s most unhinged tweets and the other wishes it would stop
— Amy (@lolennui) April 22, 2022
sorry im late the avengers threw my car at some guy named Reducto or something
— The Pumpkin Dipshit (@HelloCullen) July 20, 2022
i lost hope in white people food when japanese people came up with a better tasting mayo
— aaron yin (@aaronflarin) September 23, 2021
ya gotta spend money to make money [whispering to myself while buying the second cheapest carton of eggs]
— Jack Corbett (@jackcorrbit) August 5, 2022
Greeting humans vs their dogs pic.twitter.com/NeGbEtd1n8
— Emma Pope (@emmerpope) September 21, 2022
Meghan McCain looks like a Terminator sent back in time to speak to the manager. pic.twitter.com/Chww9TQHKH
— Michael Rainey (@mikerainey82) July 26, 2018
everyone gangster til the tickle monster show up
— cladee ⛷ (@hanfjob) September 17, 2022
How much shit do I have to glue to my jean jacket to get Russian citizenship?
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) April 2, 2013
Hate it when my enemy yells "after him" to his goons
— Grave Abandoner (@QuestAbandoner) August 2, 2022
[hosting a kids show]
ME: ok everybody, what time is it?? say it loud!!
KIDS: OWL! TOUCHING! TIME!
[camera zooms in on a startled barn owl]— 🎃 lil jack-o-lovitz 🎃 (@liljonlovitz) March 5, 2017
Sanka Coffee would like to wish a happy 50th to The Bob Newhart Show, one of the greatest and brownest shows of all time pic.twitter.com/R1sRHsaos9
— SankaCoffee (@SankaCoffee) September 16, 2022
